Hey, everyone. Welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Hit that like button, and be sure to subscribe to the YouTube channel so you never miss my show. Whether it's Tuesday, Thursday, or Saturday, now on with the show.
Alright. Welcome back to the show, everybody. I'm so excited about today's topic. It's probably the number one topic that I get asked about, which is the topic of self sabotage.
What do people do in their life subconsciously and unconsciously to sabotage their success or their happiness, their results in general. I'm gonna let you in on a secret.
I'm kind of an expert on this topic,
and not because I'm so perfect,
but because I spent so much of my life sabotaging
particular areas that I was making progress in. Whether that was in my financial success, I'd get some financial success or business success, and then I'd sabotage it.
Frankly, even really in my own personal happiness and peace.
I'd feel like I'd get a little bit more bliss, a little bit more happiness, a little bit more peace in my life, then I'd sabotage the results. Even some relationships that I've had, I've sabotaged them. So I'm kind of an expert on this self sabotage thing. I also think I'd probably become close to an expert on how to stop it
and why it happens in the first place. So what I'm gonna give you today is the gift of seven things people do
to sabotage themselves,
their success, their happiness, their finances, their body, their relationships. I'm gonna give you seven of
But before I do that, because I think these seven things are symptoms that in other words, when I outline them for you, if you're doing any of them or more than one of them, you are currently sabotaging something. So they're symptoms.
But the root cause, the disease is something that's never discussed when it comes to sabotage,
and I wanna cover that today. What's going on behind the scenes in our minds subconsciously,
unconsciously,
that's causing us to sabotage things? Because if we can identify that, then we've got a chance of eliminating all of these seven symptoms I'm gonna share with you. And so here's how I look at sabotage.
See, our lives are dictated. The most powerful force in our life is our personal identity.
Our personal identity is like the thoughts, beliefs, and concepts that we hold to be the most true about who we believe we are or what we're worth.
It's a worthiness, but it's even more than that. It's a combination of our experiences, what we're familiar with, what we believe we're worth, our self confidence.
All combined creates our identity or who we believe we are. And our identity is very much like a thermostat setting on our lives.
So like in the studio right now, it's set at 73 degrees. I checked it right before I started with you.
And what's great about that is that thing set at 73 degrees. Guess what's going on in this theater right now? 73 degrees is happening inside here. Here's why. The external conditions do not control the conditions of this studio. Right now, it's about 85 degrees outside. Externally, it's really hot out there. But in here, 73 degrees. Because what happens externally does not control what happens internally
in this theater.
And here's the story.
Same with your life.
It's not the external things. It's not how other people are treating you or events going on in the world or events going on in your life or circumstances outside of your control
that dictates your life. What dictates your life is that thermostat setting, your identity.
Let me give you an example, and you've probably seen this before with yourself
or friends of yours. See, if you have multiple thermostat settings, by the way, you have an identity setting, a thermostat setting for your happiness, your finances, your success,
your relationships,
your physical body. You have multiple, your faith.
Let's just take a few of them. Maybe you've had this happened before in your life, but if you have a 73 degree success
thermostat setting,
right, and all of a sudden your business is growing, you're at eighty, ninety, 95 degrees, maybe you've got a promotion at work or you own your own business and it's growing.
But somehow a year later, it comes right back down to what it was before. Was it all the external conditions? Like, if you go, oh, it's supply chain. Interest rates went up. The economy changed. It's it always seems like it those things, but it never is because even in those conditions, some people are winning, some people are losing. What's happened is your success
started to get higher than your thermostat setting,
and it becomes unfamiliar to you. You're not used to it. So what do you do? You turn the air conditioner on subconsciously,
unconsciously, and you cool your success back down to what you believe you're worth or your identity setting. You've seen this happen in in your happiness level.
You really believe identity wise, you're 73 degrees of happiness. I I know I've seen this for me, your peace of mind. Maybe you have a friend or you personally that, you know, they gotten they're 73 degrees of fitness or wellness or vitality. You know? And you see them and they've and they've lost weight. They're going to the gym. They look ripped and great. And you're like, my gosh. You dropped 20 pounds. You look incredible.
And they're 85, 90, a 100 degrees of fitness.
And then you don't see them for a while and you come back in a year and you notice, my gosh, they've they've gained all the weight back. Maybe even plus three or four or five pounds.
What happened?
Because although they changed their workout and their diet, they didn't change the internal thermostat setting. And so at some point eventually,
they subconsciously
cooled it back down and they get the body they believe they deserve and their worth.
Maybe you've seen this in a relationship. You have a friend who's just their love thermostat is 73 degrees of love in their relationships.
Or how much they're gonna allow themselves to enjoy. And then they've got this new person, this guy or girl they're seeing you. You go to dinner with them. They're so happy. They're all lovey dovey. They're at 90, a 100 degrees. He or she's perfect for me. They're my soul mate. They're amazing. You're like, oh my gosh. They finally found a 100 degrees of love.
But if inside, there's still a 73 degree or you
come back in a year, maybe you haven't seen them, you're like, hey. What happened to so and so? Oh, it didn't work out. We grew apart. We had different values. It just didn't click long term. They cheated, whatever it might be. What happened was you turned the air conditioner on of your life, and you cooled it back down to what you believe you're worth.
So this identity, this thermostat setting dictates everything.
So if we can change that thermostat setting and by the way, there's lots of ways we do it. My book, the power of one more, I have entire chapters on how do you elevate your thermostat setting. I recommend you go get the power of one more, but I'll give you a few of them today. You always hear, you're really the five people you hang around the most. Well, why that matters is because people that you hang around that have thermostat settings higher than yours will heat you up somewhere in between their setting and yours. Let me give you an example of what I mean. You can't possibly be if you're a 73 degree fitness person, you're a little bit out of shape, but you're hanging around and going to dinner and working out with people that are a hundred, hundred and twenty degrees of fitness and wellness and vitality,
they will heat you up somewhere between where you're 73 and their one twenty is because you're eating with them. You're working out with them. See, progress is influence.
Proximity is influence.
So they heat you up. Same thing in your in success. If if you start running around, you're a 73 degree person of success. You're just kinda right down here. But all of a sudden, you start hanging around people that are at 90, a 100, a 120 degrees. You've got mentors and friends that are one twenty, one fifty. They heat you up by proximity. Proximity.
So there's faith,
there's association, and there's intention. These are three things I call the trilogy of increasing one's identity. So association is a big one. So that's why it's important to evaluate who are you hanging around. Do they just make you feel good? Do they validate your thermostat settings, or do they increase your thermostat settings?
So identity is a major,
major root cause disease of self sabotage. And again, we're gonna cover the seven symptoms in a minute. The other thing to evaluate
is in our life, remember this, we like to move towards what's familiar.
And we all wanna have a sense of self control in our life. So we move towards what's familiar, and we don't like the feeling of being out of control.
So I'm gonna submit to you something that maybe you've never heard before. You probably have never heard the thermostat analogy,
but I'll give you another one.
Maybe the reason you self sabotage
is because it allows you to predict the future.
It allows you to predict what's gonna happen, which is giving you the illusion of self control.
Think about that again. Maybe the reason you're self sabotaging
is because it allows you to predict what's actually gonna happen, because it's gonna become familiar,
and it gives you this illusion of self control.
Maybe that's what's going on behind the scenes. This identity thing where we cool it back down because we don't like to go to the unfamiliar. We don't like to move where we've never been before.
And so self sabotage
allows our lives to become predictable
because they'll stay the way they've always been.
Interesting.
Now
what are seven symptoms of the two diseases I just described? Number one thing that people do that sabotage themselves, and this is in no order, but I'm gonna give you seven of them. Number one thing they do, they focus on the past.
They focus on the past. They look backwards a lot. You know, there's this analogy that the rearview mirror is smaller than the windshield for a reason because you should be looking through the windshield.
But the truth is the inside of the car that you're sitting in, the present place you're sitting is even bigger than the windshield. And I can tell you that people that are growing, that aren't sabotaging themselves, spend very little time looking in the rearview mirror. They spend some time looking in the windshield forward, but they spend a lot of time fully present at where they are.
And if you're looking in the past all the time, you're going to repeat it. If you're looking in the past, the reason you look back there is it's familiar.
The reason you can look back there is you can predict it. The reason you look back there is you've tied a story to it that you're very familiar with. And so people that self sabotage keep looking to the past and wonder why they can't move into their future. Or every time they step into a new future, they end up sabotaging it because you're bringing the past with you because you focus there. Stop focusing on the past or you're going to be sabotaging. And if you are focusing on the past, you're in the middle of sabotaging something right now. It could be a relationship, your success, your finances, your body, your faith,
your emotions.
But if you focus on the past, you're gonna get more of it. And by the way, even if you're reminiscing about a past that somehow you've created a story that's better than your future,
All you're doing is reinforcing the negative emotions of what you have now. Second thing that people do that self sabotage, they focus on what they don't have.
They focus on the lack of things. People that focus on lack end up replicating it and getting more of what they don't wanna have. When you focus on what you don't have, the relationship you don't have, the body you don't have, that you're not as beautiful as you wanna be, or as tall as you wanna be, or as smart as you wanna be, or you don't have the connections or the relationship or the degree,
or what you think is the the notoriety or the followers on Instagram or the friends or whatever it might be. When you focus on what you don't have, I promise you that's a symptom of somebody who's in the midst of sabotaging something in their life or who is going to.
Let's just already look at this. You focus on the past. You focus on what you don't have. You are already turning the air conditioners on of your life. Even if it hasn't shown up in the result yet, it's about to because you're cooling things back down again.
The third thing that people that sabotage themselves do is they compare.
They compare themselves to other people. Remember this comparison is the thief of joy.
But they also do something really interesting. They don't just compare themselves to other people. By the way, let's just stay on that for a second.
You're comparing yourself typically to the most filtered,
sanitized
version of most people's lives, which is what you see on social media. They've taken 900 pictures to post that one, then they threw a filter on it. Right?
And you're comparing what is going on in your real life to the lives of other people.
And by the way,
I'm gonna tell you something. I was at dinner the other night, about two nights ago,
and I observed this family that was a couple tables down from us. And man, was just one of those nights we've all had that in our family. Nobody was getting along. The kids were screaming. Mom and dad were mad at each other saying some nasty things, yelling at the kids. One of the the daughter had hit the son. You know, we've all had something like that happen, but it was a really difficult night for that family.
And, man, they were going at it.
And it was not a pleasant evening. It was not a joyful dinner. There was not a lot of bliss, not a lot of peace. And I remember the little girl actually hit her little brother, and he started crying, and the dad said something he shouldn't have said. Then the mom was mad at the dad for what he said to the child.
And then the server came over, they said, would you take a picture of our family? And then all of a sudden, all the noise, all the chaos, all the anger, all the frustration stopped, and everyone sat down on daddy's lap. You smile.
Then they took a picture for four seconds. Hey. It was like this blissful joyous picture that in no way, I'm sure they posed, in no way
represented what was actually going on in that family at any given time during that dinner. It was four seconds
picture of emotions that weren't taking place.
But imagine if you saw that picture of that amazing family, and the minute you see it, you compare it to your family and the mess that you think it is right now. Or the great time every doesn't it seem like everyone on social media is on vacation? Everyone's partying. Everyone's somewhere cool. Everyone's got great friends. Everyone looks amazing. Everyone's happy.
And then there's you in your real life.
That's one way that people compare.
Maybe you compare to the the the version, the mask that most people wear in front of you of how happy and successful and confident they are, and you're comparing their confidence and success, the mask they're wearing to how you really feel. You know what's the most unfair thing you can do to a relationship that's mature where you've been in it for four, five, six, seven years or ten years or twenty years? One of the most unfair things you can do is to compare that time that you're in currently in your relationship to the first six months or the first year when everything was new, everything was blissful. You were getting to know one. Everyone was on their best behavior. You had no negative memories at that time. And you compare your current relationship with someone to the exact same relationship you had with them except when it started. Or worse, you compare the relationship you're in to a previous one you had with another person. It doesn't even need to be another person. It could just be another time with the same person. None of that is fair.
Maybe you're comparing your life right now to five years ago or eight years ago or when you were in this or that or this career or that job.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Don't compare yourself to other people. Don't compare yourself to their sanitized versions on social media, the masks they wear, and don't compare your life to another time in your life or a relationship to another relationship or even the current relationship and just in different time in that relationship.
You're getting ready to sabotage your relationship, your success, your happiness, your emotions if you compare.
So so far, people that sabotage focus on the past, they focus on what they lack or don't have, and they compare.
The fourth thing people do that sabotage themselves is they focus on things they can't control
instead of the things they can control.
There's a lot of different things you can't control. You can't control other people. You can't control their behavior. You can't control the market. You can't control interest rates. You can't control what's going on in the world around you. You know, one of the great distractors in life that,
you know, steals people's
joy
is the media. The media is constantly feeding you things that you cannot control that you ought to be very upset about. And many of the things that you see, you should be upset about. There's so many things going on in the world that are tragic and hurtful and disgusting and
make you wonder about humanity.
And you should spend some of your time focusing on those things and trying to make a difference for them. But at the same time, if you obsess in that world in the media of all things you can't control,
all of them,
you begin to become habitual about focusing on other things you can't control in your life and you're gonna sabotage your own life. You're going to. Don't focus on people, things, events that you cannot control. Now there are things you can have some influence over by speaking out and having an opinion. You understand the difference that I'm making here. You know exactly what I mean. But what I am saying is when you become somebody who repetitively and habitually constantly focuses on events,
people, things, circumstances
that you cannot control. Here's what I do know. You can't control other people.
If you think you're gonna control that person you're in a relationship with, you're gonna sabotage it. If you think you're gonna control that client or customer of yours, you're gonna control the conditions of the world, you're gonna control the market, you're gonna control politics in the world,
you're gonna have a life that's probably gonna have a lot of self sabotage. So don't do that. Influence it. Be informed, but don't try to control it. Fifth thing that people do who self sabotage,
they get discouraged.
You know, as a believer, as a faith based person, I believe there's an adversary.
And I believe the adversary's number one weapon he will use against you in your life to get you to sabotage your life is to get you discouraged.
If I could just get you down, I don't have to get you to completely fail.
That's the easy way. I just need to get you discouraged. I need you to lose an account. I need you to miss a sale if I'm the adversary.
I just need someone to say something mean or negative to you. I just need a couple let downs to happen. If I can get you discouraged, you'll sabotage the rest of it for me if I'm the adversary.
So people that sabotage themselves, they get discouraged.
And what discourage mean is they lack courage.
Discouraged.
So the antidote to that is to stay courageous, is to feel fear and step into it anyway, is to feel the rejection and move forward, Is to have the sale not won or the close not happen and learn from it and grow from it rather than be discouraged from it. So the fifth thing is people that sabotage themselves get discouraged. The sixth thing they do, they get distracted.
They don't focus on the things they can control and they get distracted. They get distracted by
social media. They get distracted by the media. They get distracted by what other people are doing. They get distracted by habits that don't serve them. One thing I would encourage you to do is make a list of the things that typically distract you. There's three or four things that constantly distract you from where you're going or what you want. If you're in a relationship, maybe it's being distracted with other people. If you're in business, it's being distracted with the media or social media.
It may be in the gym and you're not training as hard as you want to because you're distracted by watching television and stuff and getting up and going for your workout. Whatever the thing is that distracts you,
make a list of those things and do everything you can to eliminate or reduce them and self sabotage, these symptoms begin to go away. Remember, these are the symptoms of the greater disease of the thermostat and the illusion of control.
And then seven,
believe it or not, one thing that people do that gets a lot of self sabotage in their life is they get a little bit of success.
They just get a taste of success.
And that taste of success,
they cool it. In other words, if it's in their business life, they get a little bit of progress. They get a promotion at their job or if they own a business, they they've grown their income, they've they're at a level they were never at before. Just a little bit of success,
man, you'll start to sabotage things a little bit. I'm amazed when I watch this, but people that get a little bit of progress in their business and then they cool it. They don't make the same effort that got them that little bit of success. Let me say that to you again. The very thing, the effort you made, the behavior,
the relentless pursuit that got you that little taste of success,
you stop doing or reduce the amount of the thing that got you the success in the first place, and now you're sabotaging the very success you got. Believe it or not, one of the big
instigators
of self sabotage is a little bit of progress, a little bit of success. You cool it.
Literally,
you cool down
your life with the thermostat setting. That term, Dan, don't cool it,
doesn't just mean stop your activity.
Cool it means you've cooled the life back down, the success back down, the body back down, the emotions back down. You've started to cool it down because guess what? That little bit of success is unfamiliar.
And now you want that illusion of control that I talked about in the beginning. I'm gonna get this back to what I'm used to because I can control it. I can predict it. So it's subconscious,
but you literally
stop doing the things that got you the little bit of success. The very thing you would think we would all, wouldn't we as adults go, well, I did this, this, and this. It got me that result. I will do more of it
to get more success. But most people, once they get a little bit of progress, a little bit of success,
not only not even do the same amount, they do less of it. They celebrate too long. They cool it down. They do less of the very activity that produced the result in the first place, and it becomes this like chasing their tail thing
where they do something to produce a result or an emotion or something in their body,
and then they do less of it. Take your body. Maybe you ate a particular way for three or four months, amount of calories, amount of protein,
hydration.
Right? Amount of cardio you do, the way you lift it, it produced a change.
Then you get that change, and not only do you not do the same amount, you should be doing more of it, you do less of it and sabotage the result. Or in business, there's a certain amount of contacts and phone calls or emails or posts you made to produce that little bit of progress and success. You get the success.
And rather than doubling down and doing more of it or at least the same amount of it, you do less of it or none of it and sabotage the very progress that you made. That is the absolute manifestation
of turning the air conditioner on and cooling your life back down.
So let's review these seven symptoms
of the disease of self sabotage.
Focus on the past. Focus on what you don't have. Compare.
Focus on everything you can't control.
Get discouraged.
Get distracted
and have a little bit of success.
Those seven things are symptoms of people who are probably gonna sabotage their lives. Why? Because they haven't increased their thermostat setting, their identity setting to 85, 90, a 100. See, you can acquire all the skills to be successful, all the tools.
Man, you can have the Ferrari of talent or the Ferrari of opportunities.
But if you're driving a Honda of an identity, you're gonna get Honda results. No offense to Honda, but you know exactly what I mean. Right? The truth of the matter is you've got to find a way to increase that thermostat setting, and that's through your faith,
by focusing on your intentions, and through your associations. Let those people around you heat you up. One thing to evaluate,
and we talked about comparing
and lack and focusing on the past.
I'm gonna ask you a question.
What about the people you hang around the most? If you took a look at the last ninety days of your four or five best friends,
when you're around them, when you talk with them, how much of the conversations are about the past? Remember this? Remember that time? Remember when we were there? You remember. You remember.
Right?
Is there a lot of that?
Because if that is the case, you're just reinforcing the past.
Or maybe you focus on what you don't have, or maybe they gossip about other people, or they're comparing to other people.
Maybe they're constantly talking about what's going on in the world or around you or things they can't control.
Maybe they help you get distracted.
And when you start to evaluate the people that are around you, I can just tell you something. I've had lots of friends in my life that I've added, some toxic people I've had to eliminate,
but my best friends get me focusing in the present moment or on where I'm going, and we spend very little time talking about the past.
And I'm blessed that many of my friends have incredible past at this stage of my life. They could talk about the Super Bowls they won or the millions of dollars they made or the company they built and sold or the amazing family they've raised.
They spend very little time talking about the past even when it's incredible.
They're focused in the present moment
or they're looking through that windshield going to the future. They spend very little time. But if most of the conversations you have with the people around you on the past, you remember this, remember that party, remember that time, remember this thing, remember that vacation, remember that time?
Maybe they compare to other people, maybe they gossip about other people, maybe they focus on what they don't have, maybe they are constantly reinforcing that you're enough right where you're at.
You know, that's one of the things that's frustrating to me is this notion that you're enough right where you're at. Well, yes, you need to accept who you are, but there ought to be this part of you that's hungry to grow. I want my friends not to accept me as I am, but to have high expectations of where I'm going. I want they to them to love me as I am,
but believe I'm capable of more.
I don't want them to accept where I'm at. I want them to love me, but not accept where I'm at. In fact, I want them to not accept it. I want them to expect success, expect progress from me, but love me where I am. Believe in me where I am. I want people around me that see me as I could be, not as I am.
And the more you have those people in your life, the less likely you are to sabotage your life. Alright. We covered a lot of things today. I wanna remind you of one thing. You were born to do something great with your life, and here's the cool part. You have everything within you right now that you need to make your dreams come true,
and you belong in your dreams.
Let me say that to you again. You belong
in your dreams.
And if you can stop sabotaging your progress, your emotions, your body, your relationships,
your finances,
you're gonna be there. And so it's a matter of curing that disease and keeping an eye on these seven symptoms.
Once you're aware of your thoughts,
they lose their power over you. You become an observer of your thoughts. You are not your thoughts. In fact, not everybody and everything you think
is true.
I think a lot of things that aren't true and I challenge my own thinking, my own emotions from time to time. And when you get above them and you observe your own thoughts, you go, my gosh, I'm trying to control this. I'm moving to the past. It's all familiar to me. I'm gonna focus in the present and project into the future.
You can totally change your life because you belong there. You do not belong repeating the past. You do not belong discouraged.
You do not belong comparing. You do not belong focusing on the things you don't have. You should not be focusing constantly on what you can't control. You have no business being discouraged.
Don't allow yourself to be distracted. And when you get that little taste of success, get hungrier for more
because it's great. Progress is power.
That's what you were born to do is to grow and expand.
I've said this many times.
I am most focused on the expansion of my being,
and I'd love you to be focused on that. Get focused on the expansion of you, of your emotions, of your understanding, of your life, of your learning,
of the difference you can make, the contributions you can have, the experiences and memories
that you can currently have and the ones that are coming your way, not on the ones that already happened. I'm a big believer that identity drives so much of our lives. And
you being I'm just I've heard you talk about this briefly, but, you know, I think we all are trying to become consistent with whatever this identity is that we think we hold for ourselves.
And sometimes the lack of an identity is is unbelievably detrimental to someone's life. And I've heard you talk about this. Being from South Africa
and watching
what they tried to do with Mandela,
and and so could you speak for a minute about the power that identity has over us
and a little bit of how we can at least be more aware of the identity we hold and how we can change it to serve us if we need to?
Love your question. That's brilliant, and it's so important.
Yes. I grew up I was born in Zimbabwe, and they had enough that country alone had enough problems and still has, and then grew up in South Africa. And all my kids were born there, we've been in The States now for thirteen years. So I was in South Africa in the apartheid era
and the transition
and the post. And so by the time I was had my first child my second child that Mandela came into power, we actually I was carrying my bay newborn baby
and in the to go vote for Mandela literally and with our with our housekeeper and, you know, that that's how significant that is in my in my lifetime.
But I was working in the pre apartheid. If the pretransition in the I mean, the the apartheid era, And it was horrific. I I chose to I worked across all socioeconomic strata and different political area. So from the riches of the rich to the poorest of the poor, education corporate.
And I spent three days a week working in the what they call the townships, which were areas that they had to a part had separated out absolutely evil.
And the reason I chose to to work in all the different environments was to understand mind and humanity. So wherever you are, whatever you're in, how does this work, and how can we how can we use our mind to help us cope with all these different circumstances?
So in terms of identity, absolutely, what you experience
in your nurturing and in your and in the environment that you grow up in is definitely going to affect how you see yourself because every experience is a is converted through think, feel, choose into brain. So you can imagine a massive forest, which is your nonconscious mind, inner end, and that massive forest is filled with all different shapes and sizes of trees.
And in between the green trees, you've got these little black trees, and maybe there's a big clump, and maybe there's a little one, and some trees are little, and some green little black trees from a recent experience and some very big ones from some long established experience. So something like racism would be a very
very dominant cluster of dark black trees oozing the warning signal of
all the anxiety and the stress and the terrible things that come from something as evil as racism, which is pervasive
and affecting ability to actually how you see yourself. And so every bit of nurturing is built into your brain. Every experience is built into your brain. This forest
is influencing. In the middle of the forest, just to give a visual, we have this wide full of optimism bias. So I always expand it like a strip of trees that are perfect. In the middle of the forest, there's this untouched area that's just perfect, and that's we want we wanna really access that. So if you're flying your helicopter, which is you in life, you're flying your helicopter and you kind of if you as you develop self regulation, you don't just fly your helicopter and bash into a tree and crash, which is what you we do a lot of. That's messy. We we want to we want to know how to not do that. So self regulation teaches us how to fly with the pilots and copilot. So we're flying over this forest, and we're looking at where whatever the whatever smoke signals are coming up, where where are the signals. And if you see there that there's so much of that particular type of black cluster of trees dark,
and that's influencing how you see yourself. Your identity's been affected. But if you look at your if you really dig deep and you you'll see the middle part of the forest, which is you. It's Ed who can do something else that no one else can do. But there's these traumatic experiences that are affecting identity.
So they can block, and they can become so big that they can actually build like, a black wall against the green forest. So it's almost hard to see who you really are because you're so busy and being involved in that that you you're stuck in that cluster. So that's why I say you got a self regulation is not sitting and walking amongst those trees and getting lost, which is what we do,
but it is actually getting in the helicopter and flying above and saying, okay. Self regulate.
What am I doing? What are what's what why and and you and the only way you can get to the trees and the forest and all that stuff is by looking at the warning signal. So these we track. And then so then you would pay attention, gather awareness of four basic signals. The first is the emotional. So let's say that you're feeling a high state of anxiety that could be with depression. Now depression and anxiety are not it's. They're not illnesses.
To say you have clinical depression or clinical anxiety is one of the most unscientific statements of our age and has created a huge problem with people are now way backing way more with mental health, not because mental health is on the rise, but because the mismanagement
of mental health is on the rise. We're not allowing people to talk about the story in the forest. We're just saying, oh, signal of depression,
five symptoms, you can't sleep, you can't get out of bed, you're feeling
whatever suicidal,
blah blah blah. Okay. Diagnosis label treatment is mainly medication at the current stage is the gold standard. Some therapy if you're lucky. K? And that's very often, the therapy is putting a Band Aid on the wound because they don't deal with the whole origin story. That's terrible. What we have to do is we have to say, okay. So there is the signal.
There is this emotion of depression that's consistent in your life or anxiety or both. Very often, it's comorbid together, and terror and despair and anger and a whole bunch of others. It's never just one. All So of this is giving you power and giving you control, shifting the power balance. When you do this gather in this way, and I'll finish the other three in a moment, you are making 1,400
neurophysiological
responses work for you and not against you. Your blood vessels around your heart are dilating, which is sending blood flow and oxygen to your brain. That's increasing your ability to think more more creatively. It's decreasing impulsivity.
I can go on and on and on. So then I know my body is in a state of of healing.
But when I suppress it, if I don't get awareness, if I just suppress it, my 1,400 neurophysiological
responses will work against me. So now my blood vessels around my heart, for example, one of the 1,400
will constrict.
That means less blood flow, less oxygen to the brain, increased impulsivity,
decreased cognitive flexibility. That's just a few. There's a lot more that I'm just giving a few not to overwhelm. So I I I stay in a state of increased vulnerability to disease by 75 to 98% if I don't get the awareness. But if I get the awareness,
I shift it. The moment I get awareness, in milliseconds, I've gone from brain damage to brain healing in seconds. Wow. In milliseconds.
That's phenomenal. This is how important mind management is. So then I gather and this is not hard. It is hard, but it's not hard. It's hard because we we have got very we just wanted we want quick fixes. There's no quick fix when it comes to mind. This is a lifestyle.
So you gather awareness of your emotional stuff, the depression, anxiety, label it, be specific.
Then you're gonna gather awareness of your physical state, heart fluttering, GI symptoms, tension in your shoulders, What is physically going on alongside this emotional stuff? Could be a series of things. There's no there's no cookie cutter anything. You're unique you you have a unique signal guide. Then you're going to look at your behavioral signals. In other words, what are you doing? How are you speaking? How are you view how are you connecting with others? How are doing your work? How are you just with yourself with all the behaviors. How are you speaking? How are you whatever. What's your creativity like? So what are your behaviors when you're in this state? And then you're going to go to your perspective.
As I start getting specific about looking at these emotional, physical,
and behavioral warning signals, I'm actually looking at the branches.
I'm looking at these these because they have memories.
The thought tree is made of memories. So I'm the signals have drawn me in and those have been these what I've just described. But now as I land my tree, I'm starting to look a little closer at these signals.
And so now I also want to look at what my perspective is. What is the tree trunk? What's the perspective of what this giving me life sucks or I hate life or Yeah. Is it with living or there's just no purpose or what's the then you start that. So by the time you've done that, you've objectively gathered all these apples in your basket. You control them. Now you go to looking at the detail.
What is this? What's the data? That's when you reflect.
So reflect is ask, answer, discuss. Ask, answer, discuss. Put the thoughts on trial. Do that autopsy,
that mental brain surgery without the blood. Why? And then you answer, why? And you discuss why? And you dig, dig, dig. Anyway, so when you write, you can write in lines, but I would recommend you learn how to make a metacog. It is unbelievable. In therapy, when I used to still practice, we would have people backing with schizophrenia,
which is not a disease. It is a broken mind. It is someone who's gone through so much trauma that they're disassociating. Their mind's disassociating. It's a symptom of an underlying trauma.
And very often, they can get multiple personalities because they it's coping. It's pure survival. So the system of the neuro cycle in extreme form, we would use that. And by the time we got to writing, I could show I could have a subject who had split their personality their minds because of trauma
as they're writing onto the medic in the medical, which is a pattern in the mid middle on branches like a tree, like a branch grows each branch grows out the previous branch, and leaves are growing on the branches. That's what you do. You grow branches, and you put your words on the branches.
And you you just, like, literally pour your brain on paper. As we did this, we would the sub patients would actually see, oh, same con they're talking about the same thing, but suddenly, there's three different perspectives.
The fourth step is then to recheck. It's to look at what you've written. The third step's messy. It's like words all over the place. The fourth step is where you start connecting. What are the patterns? What is the antidote? What is the what do I need to reconceptualize,
see it differently?
It's if you use an algebraic example,
we all probably remember x plus y equals z even if we didn't understand it. I'm sure all of us can recall x plus y equals z.
And the concept there is that x plus y creates something
kind of new that's over it's like sort of replaces.
I'm not saying that. I'm saying x plus y equals x y. Reconceptualization
is x y
it's your story that you don't wanna just is it I'm putting a band aid on. I'm not fixing the issue.
And that's what if you just if you just do that 10 CBT
trace, you know, cognitive behavior therapy, not that I'm saying it's bad. You can use CBT, but CBT fits in step five if you want it to work for you. You've got to first find out what's going on and then you but if you just or positive affirmations,
people use
they're feeling terrible or they want to achieve a goal. 10 of those in the morning, ten at night. They it's a band aid. It's not going to be sustainable because you have to find out what you what are you trying to drown with the affirmation. So you want the affirmation to work. You have to go through the neuro cycle, then the affirmation will work as a first step.
You know, that's how you gotta change perspective.
Yeah. I wanna jump straight in.
You know, I I've had a chance to to to get through all the way through power one more. Good. I gotta be honest with you. It's by far one of my best books this year that I've been through. I haven't seen so much
packed into one set of bookends,
and I don't know how long. Yeah. It's a lot. Yeah.
One of the things that, um, stuck out to me is this intention is the currency of identity or changing your identity.
Mhmm.
Explain that to everybody because I thought that was powerful. Well, I didn't learn it's not mine. I learned it from Wayne Dyer, actually. I probably have made it my own. But many, many years ago, was running on a beach in Hawaii. I met Wayne Dyer. He ran by me. We ended up sitting on the beach together for about an hour and a half. I was very young. If you don't know who Wayne Dyer is, Google him. He's one of the icons of, you know, thought leadership.
Anyway, when we were done, goes, Ed, you're gonna change the world.
I don't know if he said that to a lot of people or not, but to me, was incredible.
Yeah. And he goes, and you're just this big brain. The way you speak and make people feel things and,
you know, you're a very talented man. And he goes, would you but that's not why.
And I said, well he goes, and please never base your self confidence on or your identity on your abilities or your achievements. I went, well, what the heck are you supposed to base it on then?
And he said, in your case, your intentions.
You have a warm, huge, beautiful heart. You wanna help people.
And your intentions are so huge. They're so beautiful that that's why you're gonna change the world. Always focus on your intention. There's a power to intentions. He happened to be writing a book by that title at the time. Long story short,
it was the first time someone had complimented me where I believed it. I've never believed I was that smart or that special or that talented,
but I did know I had a good heart. And so since that day, for the most part, man, even preparing for something like this today, my confidence, my identity comes from my intention to serve, my intention to make a difference. So many people are chasing that tail of once I'm achieving something, once I'm really great, then I'll have confidence. That's not where mine comes from. Mine comes from intention, and that's what I recommend in the book. Yeah. No. I love that. You know, it's one it's interesting to me. I was just thinking through that. You know, didn't get a chance because the event was so busy. Right. We didn't get a chance to to spend a lot of time together, but you and I have a of similarities in our in our backstories.
You told me that, but I don't know what they are. Yeah. Yeah. So my father was an alcoholic for a number of years, and I watched him
really struggle back and forth to try to get a handle on it. Mhmm. And, you know, when I was thinking through the intentions, I remember him
actually having a similar conversation,
uh, that your dad had with you about I'm gonna try one more time. Really? Wow. Yeah. And, uh, Loren Did work? It did. It did. Yeah. He's been sober for thirty five plus years. Fantastic grandfather and the whole deal, man. Thank god. That's wonderful. Yeah. Yeah.
But the intention behind
the meat that intent behind going through by making that,
well, an importance. Right? Yeah. I think I think most of the things we do great in our life come from love. My dad got sober because he loved his family enough to try again. Your dad got sober enough because he loves you and loved your family enough to try again. Hopefully, he loved himself. But oftentimes,
you know, define something we love. Obviously, it might not be us. But all great things are achieved through love.
And that sounds corny with two dudes talking that lift weights and stuff, but the fact of the matter is it's true. And when I focus on who I love or what I love, that's much bigger than whatever the obstacle is in my way, and that's always giving me the fuel and the energy to, you know, persevere where maybe other people quit or gave in. Yeah. How much of that intention is, uh, cycles into self sabotage?
Miss And what's What do you mean? What do you mean by that? Well,
to me, if you have a focused intention, you're you're intentionally choosing a direction where self sabotage appears to be a lot more subconscious.
Mhmm. And Well, self sabotage comes from that internal identity that whatever you're about to go do, you don't believe you're worthy of. Or even if you get it, you'll blow it. Like, uh, you you've heard me talk many times about the thermostat analogy. It's in the book. But the truth is if you don't get this internal thermostat, your identity high enough, no matter what you achieve, you're gonna turn the air conditioners on in your life and cool it back down again to what you believe you're worth. I just
I and and I I watch this all the time on my new show. I have a new TV show, what's gonna be streaming called change with Ed Mylett.
And this woman one of the guests on the show was a woman. She gained a 180 pounds. Lost 90, gained it back. Lost 90, gained it back. And I said, the challenge for you, Angie, is you believe you're a heavy woman who happens to have lost weight. Mhmm. And because that's the case, your identity as a heavy woman, you always get back there and turn the air conditioners back on. But what if the truth was you've always been a healthy fit woman who had gained weight?
And if we could switch that identity, now we won't sabotage ourselves again. Sabotage is really the process of getting what we believe we're worth.
Yeah. We're really we're really getting what we believe we're worth. So we're we're trashing the current results of the current situation
to get back to what our thermostat setting is, and that we call that sabotage. But it's just getting back to what we believe we're worth. Yeah. And at least for me, you know, I again,
we didn't get a chance to to super connect just one on one, but, you know, part of my backstory is, you know, overcoming homelessness and some other things to kinda get where I'm at today.
And it was something in the book that you mentioned I thought was pretty powerful, and it was a huge shift for me, which is one of the reason I wanna bring it up, which is this essence of operating out of history
Yeah. Versus operating out of future. Yeah. I kept telling myself I was the high school dropout because I had to pay the bills and help the family and all that kind of stuff. Kept telling myself for a number of years. And then one of my first mentors, old man Myrae, told me he said, you know,
he said,
you're you there's two ways to think. You can either learn to think like me. You can learn to think like your dad. Which one will it be?
Wow. Right here. Yeah. Right here.
Talk to me about history, man. Talk to me about operating out of history versus future. 1% of all people operate out of their imagination and their dreams, and 99% operate out of history and memory. And this is a really insidious thing. We don't even realize we're doing it. When we're children, we're happier. Why? My belief is we were just more recently with God. Yeah. And two,
we don't have a history and memory, so we're forced to operate out of imagination. And then at some point, for some children like you and I, we start getting a history early because it's crossed upon us with an alcoholic dad or whatever. But for the most part,
most kids, it's 10, 12, 15 years old. They start operating up history and memory. And what we do in our life is we move towards what we're most familiar with. So you become familiar with this history and memory, you just move towards the same emotions over and over again, same thoughts over and over again. Even if the external circumstances change Mhmm. We move we our life is our emotions. We move towards the same thing. And that ties into associations.
We all heard, hey. You're gonna be the product of the five people you hang around. That's old school. Right? Yep. How do you know who it should be? What's what's one thing no one's ever told you before? I'll give it to you right now. It's in my book.
If your peer group operates out of history and memory,
they don't serve you like they should. Mhmm. I'll give you an example. If when you're with your friends, it's like, man, you remember?
You remember? You remember that you remember high school? You remember that one thing? You remember that you you
you
Right? And that's what most friends do together. Yeah. I don't have a lot of that. Have a little bit of it. And by the way, my peer group have great histories and memories they could operate out of. True. Yeah. But they don't. When we're together, you almost gotta force them. What we're doing is we're talking about imagination and dreams. What are you working on right now? Where are you going? What's it gonna look like?
You can't you think you can get Tom Brady to talk about past Super Bowls all the time, dude? Come on, man. He's talking about, hey. I got this new crypto thing. I've got this new watch. I've got this new business thing I'm doing. I got this NFT.
We're gonna win the Super Bowl this year in Tampa. I wanna get ring eight, whatever it is. You you talk to Tim Cook who runs Apple. He's not talking about Max from twenty years ago. He's talking about what they're working on now and where they're going as a company. And so the people around you,
if it's history and memory, that's one little key. Like, I'm not saying drop people. I'm not a big believer in that. Unless they're toxic, you don't gotta do but you gotta add.
And so this is how critical imagine it's it's like probably you probably asked me one of the four, five most important things in life. What is your frame of reference? History or memory or imagination and vision? It's okay to have some history and memory. We learn from it. But going back there, you cannot be in both zones at at one time. So if you're in history and memory, you are not in vision and imagination.
And you were born to imagine. You were born to dream. You were born to do something great with your life.
And I just remembered that that's something I wanna talk about tonight in my speech. Thank you for giving me that question. Hold on. Go ahead. Keep going. I'm gonna write a note down because that was really good. I
think that if I wanna give people a gift that are that are watching this, it would be if they could have lunch with you and they could sit down or they got ten minutes with you and there weren't cameras around and they could just ask you something. Right? So I'll ask you first, Brooks, and then I'll have Jules answer. But if they ask you, hey, man. Like, I wanna make my family proud of me. I wanna chase the best version of me. I wanna create this business. I wanna transform my body. I want a transformation in my life. Yeah. Right? What advice would you give me
overall on creating a transformation in my life and chasing the best version of me?
The first honestly, the first thing I'd ask you is what do you want?
When you ask somebody that question,
Ed, what do you want? Yep.
You. And
people give you a little she she no. No. No. No. You. Just you Yep. In your life. And sometimes it it takes a while for people to get the courage to get it out. And to get clear, and get specific. It's very general too much. Yeah. Tell me exactly what you want. Yeah. Okay. You want it? Why do you want that? Great. That is exactly that's what I start in my life. What do I want? Why do I want it? This what I want. I don't know how
Right. But this is what this is enough for me to then apply my intelligence and my resources and everything to figure out and execute that. But you need to know first, man. You need a target before you can release. You're pulling a bow. You need somewhere to shoot it before you let it go. So I I like asking people that question, what do you want at your core? Yes. Don't don't BS me. I can see through that. If you're taking up ten minutes, you got ten minutes of my time. Let's go. Let's get to it now. Yeah. And then everything else is a distraction. Mhmm. Everything
that doesn't lead to this exact thing that you just told me is a distraction. Even though you might like it, maybe it's part time, maybe get rid of it. As Tony says, burn the boats. Yeah. You know, like my parents had that that conversation
with me at the supper table, like, what if you can't be a hockey player? Like, dad was a principal. He's like, you should have an education
your pocket. I'm like, dad, I'm gonna be a hockey player. And he's like, well, what if you don't? What if you hurt your knee? I rehab it, and I become a hockey player.
And I burned the boats. I got rid of this is what I want. And I didn't know how, but when I was 14, I didn't know how I was gonna make the NHL, but the NHL was already in my hands. I owned it. Mhmm. I owned it. It was mine.
My friends that would try and get me to drink or go to parties or smoke. Still some of my best friends in my life, they were my groomsmen, but they tried to get me off that path, but I was like, you guys don't even know it. I'm I'm five years away from this in the NHL. I'm 14, but I'm 19 in the NHL already.
Like, I knew what I wanted. Didn't know how, but I knew what I wanted, and I knew why because it was how I was gonna express. It was what I needed to do with my life. So I would try and get that out of a person,
everything else is a distraction. 100%. I posted today.
Today,
I made a post. I said the extraordinary are fueled by why, and the average are always stuck with how. And so and and what I find when I ask people that question, it's why I don't do it on the show anymore. I've had too many even of my own guests when I go, what do you want? Uh, uh, And it's very vague.
Uh-huh. It's very vague. Uh-huh. And and so if the rarest thing is to ask somebody that question, can give you a specific,
clear, compelling answer. The the other thing, like, I just you posted that today. I posted yesterday. If you're gonna have one thing in your life, you're gonna have one thing, have a magnificent
obsession
with getting better.
Bingo. Whatever it is, whatever's your like, you wake up, and that's what I'm doing now. If I'm not in hockey, I'm following the flow of my life. What do I gravitate towards? Yeah. Because I'm not getting paid for it, but what's what's my thing that I love?
That's telling me where I should be That's and then I have a magnificent obsession with improving that. Yes. And it will find a way to monetize itself. You'll be successful. It really does, by the way. It really does. And your obsessions towards your curiosity and your obsessions. Your obsessions become your possessions. You're going to you're going to possess what you're obsessed with. And here's the issue for most people. They they're obsessed with their fears. They're obsessed with what they're worried about. Yeah. They're obsessed with what other people think about them. Mhmm. They're obsessed with all of these things, and you end up possessing these things. You said earlier, and I fully believe that we are so much more capable Yes. Than we than we even know. There's so much. There's even in you, I mean, you've been uber successful
in your life, and, man, you haven't even you're just starting to scratch. Like, there's there's so much left, and and my wife too, and me, like, people we're doing well, and a lot of people are doing well, and but we are so much more, and it it just fires me up and lights me up to even think, like, just ripping that open. What does that even look like today? Even that thought, like, think bigger. My wife is great at this. She challenged me at this. She thinks so big.
And sometimes I'm like, that's not even you want, like you want
you want a spaceship with a hot tub in a yard? Like, I don't know what you want here. Like, I don't even know where we're going here. Come back to Earth a little bit. So good. But, like, we we think big like that. Elon Musk and I, we get it. We just Awesome, bro. Just just because it it's gonna pull you higher, and you need to get
like, you are I just believe, man, that people are so life can be so much better. You're so much more capable. Just sink sink your energy and your time, your intensity, your passion into it. Everything else is a distraction. Dude, you're firing me the haircut. I'm
furious. And by the way, and, Did you just wanna move, though? You just wanna move. I kinda wanna, like, punch, slap I know. Go do something big with you right now. I know. But, like but what's in but what's interesting about that just and I'm gonna let Jules wrap things up on that. But, like, I just wanna tell you all this too. Like, watch what we're doing to each other here. The other thing I want you to see camping each other out. Is I want you to find mentors and friends who could stretch and move and motivate you, not just always validate you, not just always make you laugh. Hey, bro. Good to see you. I have tons of friends like that. People say, oh, drop your friends. No. You don't have to drop any friend in your life, but you've gotta add people who stretch you and push you and get you to visualize and inspire you. Right? Like, that's part of the formula. If you don't have them, you gotta do it yourself for now, but still be seeking out those people. So Well, and they you know, people always say that, like, with, like, celebrities. Oh, people are always get being the yes man, but we have yes men in our personal lives too. So, like Yes. That is exactly what you said. You know? And it's, like, it's not just celebrities. It's everybody. Like, we have yes men all over the place. Yeah. Like, stop validating me and tell me what to do. Like, just actually, like Yes. Call me out. There should be some friends you have where, like, you gotta clean up the house before they come over, man. Like, you should have some people like, hey. There's some still people you wanna have your a game for in your life. Right? So this is unreal. I'm just telling you straight up. Like, I'm like, this is unreal. I'm still feel I feel so blessed, but I wanna finish with you. So it's hard to add to any of this. I know it is. You know? But It's great. You've had all this experience. You've traveled the world. You had this amazingly unique
childhood.
You've attracted this dream man. You've had all these achievements, and you're remaking yourself again, which I admire so much. And in five more years, you'll be remaking again. I know that. But what advice would you give to maybe it's a woman, I don't know, that's listening to this and says, hey. I want something special in my life. What would you say that maybe we haven't added yet? What would you add to it? Is there something? I mean, the first thing that just popped in when you were talking just now was that
it is about reinventing yourself all the time and continuing to grow. I think, you know, a lot of people are like, you've changed and then you and your response should be like, thank you. You know? And it's like,
you know, and it's it's it's amazing that, you know,
we tell ourselves our stories of who we are,
but that's who we were. Like, we're continuing
growing and, like, becoming
the people that we're building. You know? And, like, as we as we become the person that we're becoming and and the the achievements and the things that we want, it's not about what we want. It's about who we wanna be when we have all of this. Exactly. And so so I think at the end of the day, like,
it always comes back to us, and it's like like, what is it? Like, who not what is it that I wanna be, but who is it that I wanna be?
And
and
I said it that I think at the very beginning when we were talking about how we met, like, met.
What you put out into the universe is what you're gonna get. Yes. And if you're putting negative thoughts, if you're saying, like, I don't know how. I don't know how to do this. I can't do that. I can't do that. Instead of, like, visualizing,
putting your goals, like, do a one year, do a three year, do a five year, do a ten year, do it like one month, and do small achievable goals so that you can actually attain them and celebrate them and realize like I have the power to do these things. And
then and then you get this confidence of who you are, and then it just things just start happening. Like, it's an amazing thing, whether it's God, the universe, whatever you believe, your own innate willpower,
whatever you put out, you're gonna get. And so,
like,
put out some good shit, guys. You
know? Jules, you're so right. Like, you said something else that I just wanna layer on. Like, I'm just moved. I just can be honest. That's so damn good. But you also said earlier, you said something. You said, I'm enough. At one point, you're enough. It's like you have to accept right now, you have everything within you. You need to go win. You're all you need to be right now to go win. You're getting better to prepare you for the next moment and the next moment. Right? And so And one of my sorry. I cut you off.
You know One of my favorite analogies
and visualizations
of this is if your cup is full and somebody's pouring into it all this information and, like, more, like, you know, I can help you with this and it's just overflowing. You're like, I can't deal with this. It's too much. It's too much. It's too much. You sometimes just have to pour it out
and then you can start filling up again. You know, it's like you know what you know right now
and that's great and that's gonna get you to that next step. But once you're there, pour that damn cup out and start over, you know, and it's like all this new information comes in and then you're able to actually
download it and receive it. So good. Were you gonna say something on the We
do a lot of, like, creative planning stuff in our in our garage, and it was actually we were talking about this the other day because we're trying to she was helping me
with
the next stage of my life, my reinvention. Yeah. Something we put up on the board, her brother Derek was also helping, and we put up on the board,
what do we want to do,
and who do we need to become to do it? Yeah. And it's exactly what she's talking about is, and we we talked about have your vision, what you wanna do. Okay. That's great. And then who do I need to become to do this? And I tell her this all the time. We work on this. I tell her this. I'm building a man that's better than I am right now. So I'm not yet this man,
but I have a vision and a concept of who he is, and she'll say, like, there'll be some mornings I'll wake up at five or 05:30 to go work out or six or whatever. She's like, oh, babe, it's early. I'm like, yeah, but I'm building this man that's capable of more. When we have kids, he needs to work out before we have kids. We don't have kids yet, but this man needs to be capable of that stuff before we're even there. So I always work towards this this far distant man that's better than I am, and I acknowledge he's better than I am, but I aspire to be like him and gradually just move in that needle every day. And some days I fail, some days I take a step back. Oh my gosh. I wanna wanna kiss you right now. We can kiss you buddy. No. I'm serious. All just best friends right now. No. Like
like, I just wanna say something like it's so good. So, I talk all the time that I think at the end of my life, I'm a Christian. I believe that I want the Lord to go, hey. Well done, good and faithful servant. But I also think he's gonna go, hey, man. This is the man you could have been. I want you to meet the man you are capable of becoming. At the end of your life, I think you met the person you were destined to be. Mhmm. And I and my life is chasing down that dude. Every decision I make, I'm trying to chase that dude down. So at the end of my life, when I meet him, he shakes my hand says, hey, man. I've been watching you. Great job. We're identical twins. Yeah. The worst end of a life would be to go to the end and you meet that woman and you're total strangers.
And she had she had experiences and memories and contributions and differences. That's great. And That's a great visual. Right. So I'm I'm my barometer is chasing down that person. Exactly what you're saying. You're trying to build that better man, build that better woman. And it's the the blissful dissatisfaction. Correct. The same thing. You're happy, you're not satisfied. Right. You're still you're you love your life. You like, you look at the life you live. Right. Your family, like Sure. You have a fantastic life, but still,
it's not it's not not that it's not enough, it's just not enough. It's not enough. It's not enough. I'm enough, but it's not enough. You know, I wanted to ask you
about something that I think has affected you. I know it's affected you, but so many people
listening Mhmm. Have
this in their life and
maybe they shove it in the back of their mind but it's still there and that is this idea of labels.
And, what I mean is like so many of us have had Maybe it's when we were kids someone called us a name or Yeah. Know, we're in a situation and someone says, oh, but you're you're not smart enough or or you don't have what it takes or you're the wrong fit for this or you don't come from the right family or or this, that, the other thing. And, a lot of times we then find ourselves in a as an adult
and that label is like stuck and it's taken root and now it's sort of coming out in our lives and we haven't even thought about it in years but it's still there that that identity. Yep.
You were, think it was eight, eight years old, you were called
Eddie Spaghetti.
Eddie Spaghetti. Yep. Can you share
how that happened
Yeah. And how
you did or didn't let that label take root? Yeah. I but I talk about this in the book a lot too is that and how to overcome it which I have. That part of me
I've leveraged into something pretty strong. But I talk about in the book that a lot of the beliefs we have about ourselves were installed in us, our identities, these thoughts and concepts we believe to be most true about us, our worth. They were installed in us when we were defenseless as kids. So it's like be a good boy. Be quiet. Be a good girl. Don't do that. Don't make too much noise. Don't and you you start to just start to develop this identity when you're young.
And then when you get out into the world because you believe it, you confirm it. And then you'd rather more and more references for it. And before you know it, you're 20 or 30 or 35 years old, and it's who you are. Mhmm. And you've proven it because of this your identity is the most powerful force in the world. You're gonna be consistent with it. And most of what you believe about yourself, you weren't in control of believing. It was put there when you were a child. Well, same with me. So you have this combination of this kid who's at home.
Things aren't real stable there most of the time. Sometimes I feel like I overcooked that too because it when it was good, it was very loving. And the other thing is I had this loving mother a 100% of the time. Right? A 100% of the time. And great grandparents, and lots of great stuff, but there was this thing. Right? So you have that anxiety going in chaos.
Going to school, I'm a little guy.
I'm shy. I'm very very shy. You know this about me to this day. I'm still very introverted, which surprises most people because of the speaking and stuff in the show, but I'm super introverted.
And I just started to get picked on. And this Eddie Spaghetti, your meatballs ready, and the class would sing it to me and they'd see me get upset. And it started to develop into this pattern of you're not good enough all the time. And then I remember,
you know, a few years later, a baseball coach, really was become a pretty good player. But we had a great player on our team who went on to play, like, Major League Baseball for many, many years. He's still a really good friend of mine. And I had had a couple bad games, and I was down.
And our coach
pulled me into his office. He was sort of a mean dude. He's a good dude, he was a tough dude. He pulled me into his office. He goes, hey, Eddie Spaghetti. This is now I'm a teenager. And he goes, did you ever think that maybe you're just not as good as him? Like,
you go in o for three. Like, you can go o for three. He can't. So why don't you just accept the fact you're just not that good? This was my coach.
Right?
And I remember just walking out of there like, woah.
And then I shared with you another story that when I became a speaker of someone that I looked up to was like, you know, you're really not that good. You know? Like, I can't even listen to you for more than about fifteen minutes. And then and I I used to think to like, am I like is there something on me that's like, you can just punch me? Like, is there something about me? Like, you people think they can just tell me these things about me? What is it about me? Because other people aren't what I found out is other people are hearing similar things.
And the truth is, I just started to go I actually asked myself a question that I say in the book.
I don't really believe that many good things about myself.
What would I need to believe about me that would serve me? What would I actually need to believe about me that would cause me to change the way I show up in the world? What would I need to believe?
And all of a sudden, I started to really think about that. How would that guy walk? How would that guy talk? I'm doing an impersonation
of this insecure guy. I'm doing an impersonation of a shy person. I'm doing an impersonation of someone who doesn't have confidence. It's an impersonation. It's not who I really am. Well, maybe I could begin to impersonate
the person I wanna be. And I actually started to impersonate him a little bit, not fake it, but like, you know what? He'd walk with his shoulders back. His voice would be a little bit deeper than the one I'd walk around with. He'd think certain things about himself.
Moreover,
he would treat other people a particular way. He
would treat other people in a kind and generous and strong way,
almost in an almost in an overabundance
of kindness and generosity to people, and belief and love for people.
And a lot of that happened when I worked at the orphanage. I was like, now that's the guy I like.
That's the guy that I am. I'm the giving guy. I'm the kind guy. And you know what? I found out when I did that, I took it away from me as we said earlier. It was about other people that I found a lot more peace. So I just started to become that person and slowly but surely, I I think I am that person. That
is really powerful. There's,
I'm sure so many people and I'm sure they'll send messages about this who you know,
see you online, watch your content and maybe think that everything's perfect. Right. And think that you were just born Yeah. With all of this confidence and with Yeah. You know, everyone loving you and Mhmm. Millions of people following you Mhmm. Even through grade school. Right? We just we tend to think those things about people that we don't yet know deeply.
Mhmm. And, then, we think when those things happen to us, like someone tells us we're just not good enough,
we can hide it because we're embarrassed by it or we think it doesn't happen to other people. And I feel like you
sharing that
is so powerful. Thank you. I think I have a lot of people from high school actually that follow me now. Right? When you when you're and I think if you were to ask a lot of them because they've told me this,
I just wasn't I I think they would just say to you like, it just I wouldn't expect it to have been Eddie. You know? Not like he was a complete
I was just there, if that makes any sense. Like, no. I would not there was no, like, most likely to succeed in any of my, you know, yearbooks or anything like that. But I don't think by the time I graduate wasn't like he's a complete
dumb dumb, but it was just like, he's a steady my let. You know, he's a steady like, you would never suspect he would be the person that, you know, might reach
a lot of human beings in his life. You know, you just would never have predicted that. And that ought to give everybody hope. If if you're not one of those people that everyone's like, no, for sure it's her. Yeah. I was definitely not that person. You go, oh,
just mark it down. He's gonna do something great with his life. No. No one was saying that about me. No one. No teacher, no coach, Maybe
a couple teachers when I was a little little guy, but most people would not have said none that anything significant was ever gonna happen. So good. They didn't know you were the one. That's right. They didn't know. That's that's powerful because lot of people are wondering, am I the one? Can I be the one? Mhmm. No one's telling me I'm the one. I think the fact that you doubt. I think the fact that you doubt or wonder whether you're the one is indicative of the fact that you probably are. I
do. I do. I just believe that.
That's
so good. And you know this for and by the way, the reason it's good is because you know that to be true about you. That's true. But I never thought about it that way. I know that's true. And I'm just thinking right now. I have goosebumps thinking about how many people are listening to this. And right now, they know Yeah. That they're wondering Yeah. If they're the the one. Yeah. And that makes you probably the one. Yes. Yes. That's right. And you know this because it happened in your life. Yes. That is huge.
Alright. This is good. I wanna talk about,
you know, the story. You're you're can you share with everyone this story? I feel like someone needs to hear this today about your first grade teacher. Yeah. Missus Smith. Yes. So
yeah.
I'll even elaborate on it a little bit. So I had no confidence at all. And and I was getting picked on. This is what I think happened.
Missus Smith was just a super, really kind lady, and we had moved
to
the town that we were in then. And so I was also a new kid. On top of being small, on top of being Eddie Spaghetti, on top of being insecure, on top of leaving many mornings where my dad maybe didn't come home the night before, or there was this turmoil the night before. I'm just leaving that house, this little dude. I wish I could go back and hug him, you know, which my mom did a lot of, by the way. And so she knew that I just had no self esteem.
And I believe she orchestrated this entire thing, but we were doing testing, like, for grades and stuff for the next grades.
And
she purposely had I believe she purposely did this
for me. She had someone come in the back of the room and say, missus Smith,
we need your smartest
student to come take a test to represent the class.
And I could see the person in the back, I heard them.
And I watched missus Smith go, that's Eddie, my lead.
I would pick Eddie, he's the smart boy.
And she picks me, and I remember her going,
oh my gosh, she thinks I'm the smart boy.
And I just looked at her and she smiled at me,
and I remember just lighting up.
And then the person goes, okay, then Eddie Mylett, you need to come with us.
And I stood up, and it was the first time ever in my life that I was like, I'm special.
This
is special.
And I walked up and went to the back and I took the test and I guess I did well. But when I came back in, I didn't say this on the last time I told this,
when I came back in, at the end of the day,
class was over and missus Smith said, Eddie, can you come up here for me? And I came up and
she hugged me
and she goes, you're so special and so smart, you're the smartest boy.
She just like hugs on me for a minute
And
it really changed my life a lot.
It changed my life because that was the first time I was like, well, maybe maybe
they're wrong.
Maybe I'm maybe I am smart. Maybe I am special.
And this beautiful soul
knew exactly what she was doing. She orchestrated all that. She knew there was this child. I think she had this sense something was going on in my home
because kids don't come like that to school that shy,
that timid
unless something's wrong at how at the house.
And
I'm telling you the truth that I've thought about that like
hundreds,
maybe thousands of times in my life. That that event in my life. What a beautiful beautiful soul
she was. So
that's missus Smith. It's one of those people, you know, in your life when you close your eyes and you go, there's this handful of humans
that
make you feel special,
make you feel loved and cared for and believed in.
And
she's on that highlight reel of like maybe three or four human beings in my entire fifty one years. And
the reason that that's important is because I've tried really hard in my life to be that person for other people
that they go, he loves me, he cares about me, he most maybe even as important, he believes in me. Mhmm.
And and then you show people how to live a little better. That's exactly what she did. She was a
super super
special person and little did she know that little first grade dude would you know be on a show with you today. You
know,
night when we were talking on the phone about this idea
about how many people don't feel seen Yeah. And I'm just imagining like the power, right, of her seeing you. First time anyone saw me. I was telling you last night that
a lot of my work in my life has been I don't know why it makes me so emotional, but a lot of my work in my life has been about helping people that perform pretty well perform their best.
And the more and more I've been doing what I do, the more it's occurring to me that that's my role is a little different, and that is that there's
millions and millions and millions of people, maybe more than ever in the world that were like the first grader me, but they're 30 years old. You talked about this recently, and it just struck me.
This isn't a frequency thing necessarily, but
why are so many people and you said you had a little of this too or maybe a lot of it. They're in their own way. They're their own biggest enemy in life. Yeah. What's why? How?
I I think there can be multiple reasons, but self doubt is a is a really fascinating thing. It really comes down to
what voices you allowed
to determine
your identity.
All of us have a series of voices that speak to us from childhood all the way through life.
But those voices do not matter until you accept them as your voice.
So if someone says to you, you don't matter, but your voice tells you you do matter, that voice doesn't have power over you. Yeah. But when you let that voice shape who you are, and I think for me, Ed, I I had voices and beside of me saying,
don't be too successful.
I literally was always my greatest enemy.
This voice because I I'm a deeply spiritual person. Yes. And I and I have this
I mean, my life is centered around the person of Jesus Christ. Mhmm. And I've never wanted to do anything
to invalidate
my relationship with him or to cause anyone to ever question my sincerity.
So what that did for me is it actually created some self limiting
mindsets.
Because
I I didn't know how to become the full version of myself
and and not have people question my faith. And when I had to realize eventually, I I think this one the things I learned from you and so many others is
the the better you're at something, the more people are gonna hate you. There is there is no way to escape
opposition or hate or whatever you want to describe it. And once I could accept that going, even if I'm completely sincere,
there's always gonna be people who question your sincerity.
So true. And and so then I went, well, if I'm gonna have people who hate me anyway, I might as well be the best version of myself. I might as well move toward optimal performance. And at this point in my life, Ed, I'm at the point where I'm going, I wanna have the greatest impact on the world that I can while I'm still on this earth. Mhmm. And writing the seven frequencies was a huge part of that journey for me. Writing Mind Shift was a huge part of that. Big book. And what I'm gonna do from this point forward in my life is I'm gonna give to the world what I feel will great create the greatest contribution on this planet. I love it. And and you have to decide at some point,
I will not live my life based on the voices that are speaking at me.
That I will listen to a deeper inner voice that calls me to the greatest purpose that I have.
That's so good.
Erwin, you're so
he's had so much to give you guys. And
I remember you probably don't remember this, but there's even shame in some people's lives about making a little bit of money. Oh, I've been I've had so much shame for that in my own life, Ed. I I mean, my wife and I lived I had a salary of less than $12,000
for ten years. Gosh. Because I thought it was ethically wrong for me to make money. We slept on the floor.
I wouldn't buy a bed because I I told her that was a luxury, not a necessity.
I I don't I don't know what what got into my head. And I remember one day we were married, we had kids, and I said, I think that it's okay. I think God told me it's okay for me to make some money.
And she goes, you can make money? I said, oh, I've always known how. I just would have to stop myself. Mhmm. And she goes, well, could you, you know, start like now?
But
I always put a cap on myself. Yes. Right. You did, Erwin. You did.
And and I I've always known I could make billions of dollars. I've never had that confusion in my head.
And I what the confusion in my head was, do I give myself permission? Do you know what you said to me about what you just why is this so huge? Why I asked you? I was wondering if you were gonna say this. You guys, you won't remember this, Erwin. We were at a friend's house. You know whose house it was that lives on the ocean. And you and I walked into the kitchen, and I kept telling you, Erwin, you're in this room, and you're like, I've met these guys now. It's not that big of a deal. And I said, Erwin,
you could impact millions of people. And you said, Ed, you kinda had this cringe when you said it to me. You go,
I think I'm gonna allow myself to make some real money now.
And even when you said it, there was this discomfort
in you. I said, Erwin,
you have permission to do that. You just gotta give it to yourself. Now I don't know that you remember that moment, but I know where I was standing in the kitchen when you said it. And I just want everybody to hear this. This is a man who's coached some of the most influential people in the world.
Top people in industries come to him. And even in his case, he had to give himself permission
to allow some form of abundance to flow into his life because of some sort of a limiting belief around it. Now if that's true of someone with his eloquence and brilliance,
are any of you suffering with something that you're not giving yourself permission to feel, whether that be joy or love
or the love of God, your faith,
to know you can be somewhere in eternity. Maybe it's wealth. Maybe it's physical health. But there's probably something today
that you're not allowing yourself or giving yourself permission to have and feel. And give yourself the gift today like Erwin did. And by the way, once Erwin unlocked that type of permission, he had more financial abundance, but his impact
grew
with the world changers he now affects. Right? Or and that opened up other lanes for you. Absolutely. And one of the things I realized for myself is I'm just not motivated by money. It just it's not a it's not a good motivator for me, but I am motivated in seeing people's lives changed. And instead of waiting for someone to to finance
the vision we have to impact the world, we create the wealth, we finance it, we help millions of people. It's just so much more exciting to be perfectly honest. Yeah. I wanna share something with you because it just happened this weekend and I just for my folks here too.
I think one of mine is that I am present with people. Yeah. And I do observe people.
And so it's really interesting because I think that's one of the things that I love about doing the show and and it was fascinating because I never gave any thought as to where that came from because of I mean, your brain brilliance
comes from the fact that you had this
damaged brain as a child.
Yet, it's one of your great gifts and one of the great things you're intelligent at, one of your your your geniuses.
And so this weekend, somebody had asked me, why do you think like on your show or even we were at a dinner, you're so present, you're listening.
Where do you think that comes from? And I didn't know. I didn't I thought about it and I said, you know, I'm not sure but You know, it's interesting. My dad was My dad's sober thirty years now but when I was a little boy, my dad was had a drinking problem.
And I never knew as a little boy which dad was gonna come through the front door at night.
And so unlike most kids who would run up and hug dad, I would observe dad when he came home. And so when dad walked through the front door,
I'd look at his physiology.
I'd look at his eyes, his face, his lips.
I'd listen to what his first few words were. And I think since I was about a four year old little boy,
I was sort of through that unfortunate circumstance in my family,
I developed this intelligence
of being present and really being with someone and and understanding them and connecting with them and seeing where they really were and it's ended up serving me as a 47 year old man with you here today. Wow. Isn't that interesting? And so For many some of you listening, I would just say to you that sometimes some of your great genius
could be coming from some of what you would think might be some of the more tragic events in your life or difficult events. You know, so just think about that. And the self talk also, you know, when I said
I had you know, at age nine, a teacher looked at me and said, that's the boy with the broken brain for the whole class.
Parents and adults have to be very careful because your external words become a child's internal words. Because every single time I did bad on a quiz, on a test,
or not pick for a sports team, was all the time, I would say, Oh, because I have the broken brain. That became my internal conversation. I always tell people when they come to me and they say, I'm not smart enough, I'm not good enough, I have a horrible memory. I always say, If you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them. Boy. You fight for your limitations, you argue for your limits, they're yours. Right? Boy. Boy. Here's the thing, your brain is like a supercomputer and your self talk is a program it will run. So if you tell yourself you're not good at remembering names, you will not remember the name of the next person you meet because you program your supercomputer
not to. They say the two most powerful words in English language are also the smallest, I am. Because whatever you put after that, complete that sentence with, is gonna determine your destination, your your destiny. I'm so glad you're saying this because this is typically said by, like, you know what I mean, to it. Right. But motivational
people are inspiring people. Now we've got a brain person science telling you this is a fact. So your identity is this. Let's say at a simple level, let's say people want to change their behavior. They want to stop procrastinating. Yes. But their identity is I'm a procrastinator. Yes. Oh, that's gonna be a tough one. Yep. They wanna change a behavior like, Oh, I wanna stop smoking. But their identity is I am a smoker? Wow.
Right. That's gonna be a challenge. Yes. Right? Here's the thing. The reason why I bring these distinctions up is because it takes
the self loathing or the judgment out of it because you don't have to If you're not good at something, you could say like, oh, you could address the level that that's holding you back. Mhmm. Finally, below the level of behavior, this is a big one, the is the level of environment. Environment.
Because
you could The behavior is you wanna stop smoking, but the environment is around a lot smokers. Smokers. Because it's not Here's the thing. The people you spend time with is the people you become. You know this. You teach this because your mirror neurons are always imitating what's around you.
That's thing. I wanna sensitize you to because often the people that hold us back are the people that love us the most. You nailed it. Know, because you know why? They're like, Oh, you're going to another event. You're listening to another podcast. Why are reading another book, spending all that money? Right. They
could have good intentions. Sure. Right? Because ultimately people are doing things for, you know, generally I believe for good reasons. Most people. But
they can be sincere but they can be sincerely wrong. Sincerely wrong and I love the I'm not this yet. Right. I also wanna just repeat things that just we just you say brilliant things one after the other and so this idea that as a parent, your external dialogue becomes your child's internal dialogue is just riveting. I mean, it's riveting. And it's also true, I think, of leaders in companies too. Your external dialogue about your company or about that individual can become their internal dialogue, so what you're saying matters so deeply. There are six primary questions we learned in school, five w's and one h. Right? Now, watch this. The identity level answers the question of who.
The beliefs and values answer the question of why.
The capabilities answer the question of how you do it. The behavior is the what, and the environment answers the question of when and where. It is fully aligned. I feel like we have natural genius inside of us. And if we when this is aligned with this Mhmm. When people talk about their mind and their body and their values and habits, when they're all aligned,
things happen naturally. And they're not have been forced. And my goal for everybody who's watching and listening to this is that they're smarter than they think. It's just we weren't taught how to do these things. And when you're in congruence and in alignment, things happen. Your natural superpowers,
if you will Yes. Come out come out organically and are not forced.
Boy, that's,
man, brother. That's so good.
I'm processing all of this with you.
They'll be mad at me if I don't ask you a a tactical question. Absolutely. So can you give them I'm gonna get a couple more things. Yeah. But thank you for taking the extra time. They'll they'll be I'll get I'll get DMs and emails if I don't ask you. Tactically ask him a a specific tactic to remember a name. Yeah. So I have Max out. Perfect. Do you do an association when you remember something? I do. Do. K. Really fast. I would say be suave.
Be suave. I'll give you really quick. Be is believe.
Believe you can, believe you can. You're right. Stop the negative self talk. That's
obvious. The second thing is E is exercise. We already talked about power of exercise. Practice. Because the bad news is it takes practice to learn someone's name. The good news, not as much as you think. Good. Like I'm really good at names Mhmm. But after practicing for a couple months, it's just become second nature. Okay. Right? Just like parking a car or learning how to type, you do it without thinking. The swab is this. S stands for say the name. When tactically, when you meet somebody, you say their name back to them. K. Because you make sure you observe it correctly.
The u is you use the name. Use it three or four times. We talk about that. The a is you ask about a name. This is really great Ed when you meet somebody whose name you haven't heard before. Okay. When you meet someone named Afzal or Riddicker, what can you ask about a person's name? You already said this. You already said it's not travel entrepreneurship. What's everyone's favorite subject? Mhmm. It's themselves. Mhmm. So what can you ask about a person's name? How do you spell it? Where's it from? Right. You know, what does it mean? I was doing this training at the at the country's largest life insurance company. 100 people in the room. The training director's name was Nankita. I was like in front of whole group I was like that's a beautiful name. How do you spell it? Where's it from?
What does it mean? She paused. Was I like, Najita, does it mean? She looked at all her coworkers and says She said it means graceful falling waters.
And I was like, wow. And then her coworkers gave that kind of reaction like a novelty. I was like, wait a second. How long have you worked here? She was like, you know, x amount of years. With these people? Yeah. Yeah. A lot of them are good friends or at my wedding. I was like, out of a 100 I was like, raise your hand if you knew that's what her name meant. Yeah. Out of a 100 people, how many people raised their hand? Zero.
Wow. Zero. And talk about like caring. That became like a ten year client. Right? Because that's the power of a name. Okay. The emotion. Right? Yeah. So ask about a person's name. Okay. And then V in B Suave stands for visualize. Here's a real tactical thing. Okay. We
tend to be better with faces than names. Right? Aren't you?
Far better. You meet a lot of people. Sure. People come and then you meet somebody, you say to them, I remember your face but I forgot your name. You never go to someone and say the opposite. You never go to someone, I remember your name but I forgot your face.
That wouldn't make any sense. Here's the reason why for neurological Your visual cortex is a lot larger than other parts of your brain. You tend to remember what you see. Now, you tend to remember which There's a Chinese proverb that goes, What I hear, I forget. What I see, I remember. What I do, I understand. What I hear I forget, I heard the name, I forgot the name. What I see I remember, I saw the face, I'll remember the face. What I do going back to practice and exercise, I understand. So if you tend to remember what you see, try seeing what you remember. So quick visual aid is this, play Pictionary. A person's name for example is Mark, take a split second and put a check mark on their forehead. And you're like, Jim, that's so childish. Yeah. Who are the fastest learners on the planet? Children. Children. Yes. How fast can they learn a musical instrument? How fast can they learn another language? Right? They're sponges and part of how they remember names is they make fun of people. Like they go to somebody and you're like, you know, they go to someone named Jason and Jason the basin. Right? All of sudden Jason's in therapy for years not knowing because of his teeth. But that's how you learn, banana, fan, a faux fan. You learn through imagery. Right? They make fun. Remember, more emotion too.
Information you forget, information combined with emotion.
Person's name is Mary. Imagine you meet someone named Mary, handshake breaks. Imagine she's getting married or she's carrying two lambs under her arms. Here's the thing, it overcomes in business what I call the six second rule.
Somebody tells you something important in a conversation or their name, you have six seconds to do something with it. Otherwise, what happens? You lose it. It's gone. Out of your working memory, short term memory, it's gone. Got it. This helps you to focus
uniquely on both the person and also the name. For a person's name, for example,
let's say Carol. Imagine they're singing Christmas carols. A person's name is Mike. Imagine them jumping on the table, singing on a microphone for a split second. Mhmm. And then when you say goodbye to them twenty minutes later, you're like, oh, that guy was sitting on the, you know, karaoke on the microphone. What's his name? Mike. Mike. Right? Because it glues it. And then by the way, it's it's a short term because once you know the person's name is
Ed or Athena or Mike or whatever, what'll happen is You just named everybody here. Sorry, sorry. Once you do that, then the pictures disappear
because you would know it. You just need something to glue it because there's three parts to your memory. You encode the information, you store the information, then you retrieve the information. Most people can't retrieve it because they're not encoding in a way that makes it memorable. Oh my gosh. You make it visual, you make it fun and interesting.
If first name is John, you can imagine
whatever. Right. Right. Then finally, that's the V. The E in Suave stands for end. Okay. You always end the conversation using their name, saying goodbye using their name because if you could walk into a room of strangers and leave saying goodbye to 20 strangers by name, who are they all gonna remember? You. They're gonna remember. That's a standout skill because it's not just what you know. Yes. Yes. You can learn faster. It's not only who you know, but it's also who knows you. Who knows you. And who's gonna remember you. That is awesome. Skill. That is awesome. Awesome. And the six second rule, if you don't use it, you lose it. So do something within the seconds. That is brilliant. There are a few obstacles to effective reading. So let's go through them really quickly. Number one, what keeps you from reading slow is lack of education.
You're not born with the ability to read. Nobody is. Right. And so we learned it through class and through a training, right? But when's the last time you took a class called reading?
How old were you? Probably six. Six or seven Exactly. Years old, We
are still, every single person watching this for the most part, we're still reading like we're a six or seven year old because that's the last time we had training in that one area. The
difficulty demand has increased tremendously but we're still reading like a six year old. That's number one, get the proper education, lack of education. Number two, lack of focus. We could all relate to this. Yeah. You read a page in a book, you get to the end, just forget what you just read. Of course. Because your attention is everywhere. Your mind wanders. You're thinking about the dry cleaning, the clients, everything, the kids.
Here's the thing.
You just mentioned that if you read faster, you feel like you wouldn't retain as much and understand as know that's not true. It's not. It's not because we weren't taught differently.
What I would say is the fastest I think it's a myth being spread around by slow readers that if you read faster, wouldn't understand as much because it's a lie.
This is interesting because we have online academy,
right? Of speed reading and we have students in over 180 countries. We have a lot of data. We found the fastest readers actually have the best comprehension
because they have the best focus.
Here's a metaphor. Your brain is this incredible supercomputer
but when you read, you feed this supercomputer one
word
at
a
time. Metaphorically,
you're starving your mind. K. Right? And even when if we were to talk like that through this conversation, it would be like eight days to Right. Begin. Right? And what would happen to people very quickly if they were talking that slow, their mind would wander,
would fall asleep, they would think about other things, they would just
Isn't that? Aren't those the same exact things that happen when you read? Yes. Your mind wanders, you fall asleep, you start thinking about other things because
if you don't give your brain the stimulus it needs, it'll seek entertainment elsewhere in the form of distraction.
Got it. Third obstacle, this is the big one,
sub vocalization.
Yeah. Okay. This is the big one.
By far, we're talking about your inner voice. Sub vocalization means you ever notice when you're reading something you hear the inner voice inside your head reading along with you? You hear that hopefully it's your own voice. It's not like somebody else's voice. The reading why it keeps you reading slow. The reason why is because if you have to say all the words to understand them, you can only read as fast as you could speak
and that that This this is mind blowing to me. Sub vocalization.
Vocal speech sub like a submarine, inner speech. If you're saying the words to understand what you're reading, you're doing it not right because
New York City You don't have to say the word New York City or computer to understand what those Just like when you're driving, you see a stop sign, you don't say to yourself stop. 95%
of the words Do you understand what that stop sign means though? Yes. 95% of words are words you've seen before. You don't have to pronounce the words.
Leaders are readers. Right? You read a lot. Tony Robbins read a lot.
Oprah reads a lot. Bill Gates reads a lot. John F. Kennedy,
leaders are readers. He was a very fast reader. He was said to have read every morning six newspapers
with one cup of coffee. Most people it's the opposite. It takes like six cups of coffee to get through like a newspaper. Right? And that's the challenge. But he's, you know, he's let's say, you know, he said to read 800 to a thousand words a minute. But if he could talk at they are talking to about 200, 250 words per minute. They're like 700 words per minute he's not pronouncing. Right? You don't have to pronounce words you've seen before, but that's how we were taught as a kid. Like a lot of what accelerated learning is, just like success is unlearning,
bad habits. When you're a kid, had to say the words out loud because the teacher need to know you're pronouncing the words phonetically correctly. Mhmm. But later on, remember this, your teacher said, read quietly to yourself. Yeah. Read silently to yourself. And that's when you're that external voice and you put it internal there. Mhmm. It's been there ever since. Here's here's a point. When we listen to podcasts or audiobooks, how many people like to listen to it at 1.5
Yeah. Or two x or three x and they can understand it too. Yes. You can't talk that fast though. Mhmm. And that's the thing. Right? And so that's why
sub vocalization is saying basically if you're sub vocalizing, your reading speed is limited to your talking speed not your thinking speed. You could understand so much more so much faster but you can't talk that fast. It's a bad habit we picked up as a kid so we did a whole podcast on how to reduce sub vocalization.
Or our programs like over twenty one, thirty days we teach people methodically how to do it because there's difference than a tip than a training. Sure. Course. Fourth obstacle I would say and then we go to solution, regression. It's a very bad habit we picked up as a kid. Regression is back skipping. You ever notice you read something, go back and reread words or you reread a whole line by accident?
Upwards of 20%, 25% of time can be spent rereading words. Now,
I'm going give you just one tip on how to overcome this which will make a big difference. This tip is gonna help you read 25 to 50% faster with better focus. Right. Now, that's a huge return because like 02/2005 like like on average, our online program 300% increase. I know right now people are like, okay. How do I get more information from this person? And so, I wanna make sure they know where to go find you. The first one is you've referenced this podcast that you have. Yeah. And I'm a subscriber.
There's just stuff every single time you're on there that is valuable. And I like that oftentimes, it's not even very long. Oftentimes, it's just digestible stuff. So how do they find your podcast?
So on anyone's podcast app, search my name, Jim, k w I k. And that is his real name, by the I didn't change it to do my father's name, my grandfather's name. It's my life was pretty much planned out. So go get your podcast and then Podcast. Or they go go to the best way is actually go to quickbrain.com,
kwikbrain.com.
There are actually videos on speed reading, remember names. I take a live audience up there and they do that. Yep. And then links to all my links to podcasts are there. So for podcast and and your website, both are also where they can get involved with your programs too if they choose to. Certainly. Then also, got a great Instagram account. Yeah. I mean the podcast episodes also. We've done episodes on the top 10 brain foods, how to change your habits, how to change your limiting beliefs. Everything that has to do with cognition, we do it in ten or fifteen minutes. Brain hacks for busy people and learn faster. Brain hacks are awesome. Then, I love your Instagram. Thank you. You know? I love your Instagram. It's so wonderful. So, I do the lives and the Q and As that are there. Yep. And so, we like to post things that are just brain hacks. His Instagram
is You're gonna get addicted to it. It's outstanding. Like yours. And I would challenge people again ending with this to take a screenshot of this episode. Mhmm. Tag us both on there and then share. Remember what you teach, you get to learn twice and own it. Share your big ahas or your questions and I'll I'll repost some of my favorite. So do I. So do I. So please do that everybody. Take a screenshot, tag both of us, tell us what your biggest takeaway was. So in finishing,
you know, people when we're done here, they're gonna wish I wish, you know, I'd ask you so many more things. We got so much done today, you're such a you know, just a wealth of knowledge. Unbelievable. I hope people take these pictures even though they're notes. I'd be curious if they tag They're gonna be long. I can tell you that because we've covered so much today and thank you. But I think probably, you know, one of the things that I think most people that are listening to this, they're trying to change things. Right. Whether that be a habit or change their life in general.
And you're an expert at this. If someone said they got I always do this. They got two minutes with Jim quick. Yeah. They ran into you at your Starbucks and you were as busy as you are. You said, I'll give you two minutes. Yeah. And they could ask you something. I think the vast majority of the people would say, I want to change something in my life, whether that be a habit or the external results in my life. I wanna create a change.
What would you say to that person? Where do they begin? What would be a step they could take? What would be a thought they would have in order to create change? So the obvious thing to say is is lifelong learning. Commit yourself to lifelong learning, but that would be preaching to the choir. Because if someone's watching this right now or listening to this Yeah. You know, they they are exceptional. And I I applaud anyone who's made it all the way to the end. Yeah. What I would say is
self love is not selfish. I feel like the biggest challenge people have in life is this fear that they're not enough. Yeah. I believe that's what holds us back. Mhmm. And
people talk about themselves in relationships and I think we grow a lot in our intimate relationships because they are a mirror to us. And, I also feel like you have to fall in love again with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but is still standing.
Mhmm. You know what I mean? Yes. And, when's the last time,
you know, learning in love, I always wish people, you know this year and there are days before lots of life, lots of love, lots of laughter and lots of learning but I think they go hand in hand. And self love, it's kind of I I don't want to you know, people could put it into a hold hands and sing Kumbaya. Yeah. But I'm saying do the things that you would do for yourself because I feel like we're only happy when two things happen. This may be my my advice. Mhmm. Number one, you need the curiosity to know yourself. Mhmm. Right? Because that's self awareness. Mhmm. That's why we meditate. That's why we journal. That's why we listen to things. It's self reflection. We have intimate relationship. We build businesses because they puts us through tests and shows us who we really are. So have the curiosity to know yourself.
But once you know yourself, you need the courage to be yourself. Oh. You know what I mean? Yes. And that's a different game. Totally different game. You know, a lot of us, you know, when when we're looking back again,
we don't wanna have those those regrets Yes. And the the expectations of other people. Mhmm. And that's that's where I think people could they they limit themselves. So, I would say my advice to somebody right now is to make sure you dedicate time every single day to self care. Mhmm. You know, and really spend the time to not only know yourself, give yourself permission to really be yourself.
Mhmm. Because I feel like everyone makes SMART goals. Right? They're specific and they're measurable and they're action oriented and they're they're they're they're realistic
and they're time bound and I'm I'm all for that in setting goals. But also make them heart goals. Remember I talked about the power of the heart? Yes. You know, make them H healthy. In every area of your life, make sure that they're they're healthy and in your ecology of your life. I would also say e, make them enduring.
Know, make them enduring so as we go through hard times which invariably will Sure. In business and in life and relationships and health, make sure that they they're inspiring enough to be able to get you through those hard times. The a is make them alluring.
Alluring mean they pull you. Right? They they're like what? They're so attractive. They just like get you out of the out of out of bed. They're alluring. The r is relevant.
Meaning, you wanna make them relevant because a lot of people set goals but are they solving a personal problem for you? Are they really relevant to your particular values in life Mhmm. And in relationships and business? And finally, the t,
I think it's the most important one when you're setting goals make them your truth. There's so many people are setting goals and vision that's not really theirs. They picked it up from their parents,
know, their doctors because their parents were doctors or they picked up from the Joneses
Yes. Or or something outside, you know. Mhmm. Know your truth and live from live from that there.