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Hey, everyone. Welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Hit that like button, and be sure to subscribe to the YouTube channel so you never miss my show. Whether it's Tuesday, Thursday, or Saturday, here's our first guest.

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Welcome back to the show. Today's topic is nature versus nurture. It's one of the things I get asked about most, whether it's developing business leaders and raising people in that environment or raising children. Ed, what matters? Nature or nurture? It's been a debate that's gone on for eons, and there's really two camps.

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The first camp says that it's all nature. It's all evolution. It's all genetics. How somebody's gonna turn out is all their biology,

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their talents, their skills, their success level, their happiness.

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It's all nature. Right? The other camp says, no. It's not nature at all. It's nurture. It's the environment that somebody has raised in. So,

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you know, one point of view, like a guy like John Locke, the philosopher, he was a real big guy on that the mind is a blank slate

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and that we're born into an environment

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and the experiences and memories that we have, the situations we find ourselves in, the thoughts that are programmed into us, that's what develops us. And, obviously, other people think, nope. That's not the case because two children can be raised in the exact same house, can't they? Say, an alcoholic home like I was raised in, one of them turns out to be, you know, very, very successful and happy, and another child has trouble with alcohol themselves or doesn't have a high level of success or has problems.

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And so, really, if it's all environment,

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why is it that two people can come out of an environment completely

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different? Same time,

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you can't really argue the fact that some of us are born with certain abilities, certain talents, certain predispositions.

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And so here's what I'm gonna submit to you that I have stumbled onto in my life in raising children and raising business leaders and developing them. You ready?

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Nurture

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their nature.

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The great parents,

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the great business leaders nurture

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the nature of this person. Meaning, let's just think about it from from a parenting standpoint.

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Your child was probably born with certain talent, skills, and giftedness.

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And as a parent, one of your primary jobs is to help them discover what those things are. I talk about this a lot. In fact, I'm writing a book right now that I think is gonna change the world,

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um, called let me tell you about you. And it's got an awful lot to do with how I've developed my friendships, my children, business people,

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and telling them about them. And what that really means is to look inside somebody, to observe them, and to be looking for what is their giftedness? What are their tendencies? What are their talents? What are their proclivities?

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And to tell them about those things. And then once you've identified them, allow the environment you create to nurture

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that nature.

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Too often, we pick one camp or the other. And like most arguments in life, both are right, but almost nobody's ever taken on this philosophy. In fact, I'll bet this is the first time for most of you you've ever heard this before because I had never heard it before until I started developing it. I looked at my children. I thought, well, one of them is a certain way more than the other one, little bit, you know, if that's their intellectual level or their ability to process information or their problem solving, test taking skills. Right? The other one's maybe a little bit more intense and has a common sense that's just giftedness or their humor, their ability to build relationships with people, their athleticism,

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whatever it might be.

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As a leader, and we'll just use this in the parenting context, but this is true in business,

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the great leaders have a unique ability to observe people and see their nature, see their unique talents and gifts. I believe everybody was born with two or three or four very unique talents and gifts special just to them. That's their nature.

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They were born with and let's just be honest. You look at your own children or friends of yours or yourself. You know, maybe your maybe your talent is your gift is your ability to problem solve or think through solutions. Maybe it's your IQ. Maybe it's your humor. Maybe it's your physical beauty,

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how you listen to people, your nurturing ability, your intensity, your passion,

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your peace under duress, your equanimity.

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There's so many different things. Your engineering skills for some of you. I can't even change a light bulb. Right? Your ability to communicate.

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Right? Your ability to make people feel a certain emotion.

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It could be whatever. Sewing.

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It could be, you know, working on a car. It could be,

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you know, building a company. It could be your vision. It could be your marketing ability, your energy,

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whatever the talent is.

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One of the keys in life is to figure out as early as you can what those two or three things are that god gave you. And by way, it's okay if you're even a little bit wrong in the beginning. And maybe you only pick one or two, and you've got some hidden ones that will be uncovered later.

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But as a father,

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as a friend,

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I am constantly trying to look for the greatness in them. Now as a person of faith and as a Christian, what I'm really looking at for me, way I think it,

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is I'm looking for the Christ in them. I'm looking for the gift that was sown into them before they were even born.

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And for me, I love opening that up. I see I look at people like they're a gift,

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and I wanna have my focus with them in the present.

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So I think about a present and a gift, and then I think my job is to open up that gift and define inside of it what the talent and the gift is.

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And so I do that very regularly. I'm gonna write about it in my book. I'm not covering all of it today. But if you became a friend of mine, pretty quickly in the game, I will begin to point out to you what some of those gifts you have are that I see. And sometimes it's a revelation to people, and sometimes it's a confirmation of something they've always believed or was embarrassed to believe about themselves or wasn't sure that it was true. As a father,

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very early on, I started to look. What are their tendencies? What are their gifts? What are they good at? Right? What are their proclivities?

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And then to point them out. You know, Bella Boo, you're so fast. Man, I can't believe how much faster that you run than everybody. And, man, socially, everybody likes you because you're so funny, because you're so brilliant and witty,

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and you've got this ability to make other people feel good about themselves, and they feel connected to you. By the way, it's important to begin to nurture

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that part of her nature. Maximus, you're so brilliant.

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How you can almost have a photographic memory and you remember things and you ace every test, and you're so kind and gentle, and your work ethic is beyond belief, man. Like, your ability

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everyone likes you. Everyone thinks you're kind. Nobody's got a bad word to say about you. Outwork everybody.

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And to notice these talents because when you point out the Christ in somebody or we'll we'll just call for today's if you're secular or, you know, aren't a believer. If you just point out the giftedness in somebody,

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you have connected yourself to them in a way that maybe one or two other people in their entire lifetime will.

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Did you hear what I just said? When you tell a human being, I see this gift in you, and they know kind of intuitively it's true about them or they didn't know, and then they begin to evaluate it and prove it,

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you have connected or yoked yourself to them in a way that almost no other human being ever will because you've touched something in them that is so deep, that's so innate, that's so true

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that you build a bond and a connection with them,

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an energy, a vibrational frequency,

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a soul type connection

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that really they'll never have with anybody else, maybe one or two other people.

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And you'll be able to impact and affect them in a way that most people never will. So as a father,

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my main job is to love them and to believe in them,

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to encourage them, but also to see them and help them uncover what their gift is,

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what their nature is,

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and then to nurture it.

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As a business leader, when I'm evaluating people, it's to find out, oh, it's your ability to problem solve. Oh my gosh. You're the one that's calm pressure.

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Oh, you're the one who puts different pieces together of a puzzle like I've never seen before.

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Right? Or it's your copywriting ability or your communication skills or your ability to deduce information that's complex into something simple. Oh, no. You're the person who galvanizes the team, whatever it is. And I'm looking for those things. And then what I'm gonna do is put them in an environment that nurtures that nature.

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And now people begin to perform at a superhuman level, and you have a superhuman,

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supernatural

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bond with them.

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And so I want you to begin to think about that in the relationships you have with your children, if you have children, or if you don't, your boyfriend or girlfriend,

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your friends.

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How good are you bet have you been at pointing out to them their giftedness and their greatness? You do it in a real way. You're not some cornball. Right? But over time, you go, have I told you lately literally how amazing you are at x, y, and z? Man, I think you should be using that more to help other people or to start a business or to do x or y. This is why so

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many human beings

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don't feel good about themselves,

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and most of that is

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nurture.

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It was their environment.

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Okay? Because let me just be real with you.

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A lot of winning

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is not just mental. It's environmental.

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Okay? But yet there are people that transcend their environment. But what if you had both? What if you took somebody's nature and you created an environment around them that nurtured it? Now that we got the environment and the talent and the gift, they're almost unstoppable.

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And so I want you to really begin to think about why is it that most people don't feel great about themselves?

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Here's what I think. Conditioning,

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patterns, the way people have treated them, their environment,

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and they don't have a defense against it. The defense against that is to know you.

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And to know oneself

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is to know what your giftedness is, to know what your nature is, to know what your talents are.

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And so when you don't know those things or you know them, but you're not utilizing them in your life, then the environment will crush you. And then you begin to lose hope and belief in yourself. In fact, if you're somebody today who's listening to the show or watching it and you've lost some hope and belief in yourself, forget all your external results. Those external results are the environment.

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Right? So if you're just looking at the results, your environment is constantly reinforcing to you, you're not good enough. You're not that special. You're not gonna win. You're not gonna be happy. So screw all that. What I want you to do is to look inside you.

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What are some of your talents and gifts? If you weren't being humble,

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what are they? Is it your listening skills?

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Maybe it's just your moral compass, your humor, how much you truly care about people, your intellect,

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your physical touch.

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Right? What you look like. Maybe it's none of those things. Maybe those aren't your gifts.

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Maybe your gift is your persistence, your resiliency,

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your generosity,

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your faith.

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K? I don't know what it is. But when you begin to look inside yourself and say, what are the things that I'm naturally good at? And maybe

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often in life,

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because somebody is very good at something and it becomes natural to them, meaning it is their nature, they take it for granted and don't think it's special.

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Did you hear that? Because something is natural for you to do, you just don't think it's special, or you think everybody has that, but they don't.

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And so that's why you need a leader with vision to say, I see

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that gift, and then I'm gonna put you in an environment where I nurture it. Just pointing it out repetitively

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is part of nurturing it.

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Okay? So I stand

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that we are supposed to be nurturing people's

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nature.

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So if you're sitting here today alone and you're not happy, go inside. What are some of my gifts? I'm gonna give myself credit for them. One of my great gifts that I've found in myself

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is my intentions.

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You know, I'm not the smartest person in the world.

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I was not the fastest when I played baseball or the best hitter.

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You know? I don't know that I can do everything for my friends or as a father. I've made tons of mistakes.

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One of my gifts is I have I believe I have a very good intent,

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and I stack that.

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And because I had those intentions, I met a leader, Wayne Dyer, when I was young, and my dad did this too, and my mom.

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That was a good boy.

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That was a good person. That I had a good heart. That I deserved to be happy and to win and to help other people. One of those gifts is my intent.

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Now for me, I think everybody has good intentions. That's no big deal. The truth is is at 52 years old, I can tell you for sure that's not true, and so can you. There's lots of people that don't have good intentions,

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but I do,

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and that's one of my great gifts. That may seem simple. See, we overlook the we think, well, the gift has to be that I can three sixty windmill dunk. Now that's a gift. Or I can run you like Usain Bolt,

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whatever it might be. Right? Or, man, I have the IQ of an Elon Musk or the vision of a Steve Jobs,

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right, or the beauty of a Beyonce or the singing ability.

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Yeah. Those are apparent gifts,

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but what are yours? And for most of us, those gifts remain invisible

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because nobody shines a light on them for us.

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But once that light shined,

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all of a sudden, we become the Beyonce of our own lives. We become the LeBron of our own lives. We become the Musk of our own lives.

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Our happiness,

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our emotions, our productivity,

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our achievements, the way we can contribute to other people becomes exponentially

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different.

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And so my recommendation, I guess, today is to say to you that in your friendships, with your children, with your parents, with your friends, whoever that might be, within your business,

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and even this,

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with strangers,

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with people that you just meet,

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or you wanna get better at meeting people,

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look for their giftedness.

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In my case, look for the Christ in them. Look for their talent and point it out and tell them that over and over again. Usually, with my very famous or well known friends, with that little group of people, when people say, how do you get so close to so and so?

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Because what most people do is spend all their time telling them how amazing it is the environment is that they've created for their life, the money they've made, the jet they've got, the TV show they have, the concert they filled up,

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the election they won,

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and they are really focusing all the time on their nurture, like, kinda what they've developed.

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I spend my time looking inside that person and saying, man, your real gift isn't that.

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It's how genuine and kind you are, or it's how intense you are, or it's how relentless you are.

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And I bond myself in a way that's very unique with them because I'm looking at that.

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I'm looking at the internal,

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not the external when I meet a human being.

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Now by the way, once in a while, that external is one of their gifts. They're physically beautiful or unbelievably strong, whatever it might be. That might be. But for the vast majority of people, that gift is on the inside, not the outside.

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We just as a culture only usually celebrate external gifts,

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and that's who becomes famous

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because they have an ability, maybe like I do, to speak. That's an external obvious thing, or someone can sing or run fast or they're strong or hit a ball further or putt well or in a cage, they can pin somebody.

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We see the external gifts. The great leaders in life, the great parents in life see the internal gifts.

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So my recommendation to you today is to become an advocate of both points of view, and I can tell you as someone who's built big businesses,

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who's built a family, who's built a bunch of friendships, who's a little bit further down the road,

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what our job is in life is to nurture the nature and the giftedness in other people. This will become a muscle you build. It won't be very easy at first, but when you just become intentional and aware of it, you begin to see human beings differently.

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You'll immediately connect with them. You will connect with your Uber driver differently, instantly.

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You will connect with a server in a restaurant. You'll connect with your doctor. You will connect with your friends. You will make new friends. You will develop and build people in your company in a way you've never done that before. You can actually remake your relationship with your significant other.

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You can fix a relationship with someone that doesn't work. You can get closer to your mom or dad if it's been distant. And, man, can you become a world class parent if you begin to do this. Your whole way you look at people now is a gift, and you're in the present with that gift, and your job is to open it up and look inside and find their nature.

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It could change your life.

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So my recommendation to you today is to do exactly that. From a scientific perspective,

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really what nature means is biological or genetic predispositions

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that impact one's human traits, physical, emotional, or intellectual.

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Nurture, by contrast, describes the influence of learning and other environmental factors in someone's life. I like to take advantage of both.

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I believe we were put here on this earth to help other people, to build other people up,

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to leverage the gifts and talents of one another, to do something great, to advance culture, to advance society.

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We have flipped that on its back in this culture,

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where now what we really do with one another is find out the things we don't like, find out their weaknesses, go for the jugular. Here's what's wrong with them. Here's what they think that's stupid. Here's their problem. And we actually now look for the gotcha. We look for the negative. We we literally have abandoned

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finding the giftedness. What type of country, what type of world would we be if we all took advantage of each other's beautiful gifts that god gave us and leverage those and began to focus a whole lot less on the weaknesses because I've got news for you. As a human being, you were born with flaws.

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I got news for you. So are the other people that you're in your life.

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So if we're gonna focus on that, those are easy to find, and that is a terrible way to go through life. It's a terrible way to build a family. It's a terrible way to build a friendship. It's a terrible way to build a country. It's a terrible world to live in because that's not what we were born to do. We were born inherently with sins and flaws and mistakes and frailties,

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but we are also born with three or four great things about us. And life is about taking those three or four things and leveraging them

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to the benefit of other human beings. You wanna find a happy person? They may not have made a lot of money yet. They don't have to have made a lot of money yet. You find a happy person. They have found two or three gifts inside themselves, and then they have gone on a mission and a crusade and a cause to use those mission those gifts

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in a mission to change other people's lives in some potential way and their own lives. Say it to you again, a happy, blissful person has figured out, oh,

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these are one or two or three of my gifts. I'm gonna now figure out how to use these gifts in the service of other human beings in my business, in my personal life, in my charitable giving, whatever that might be in my family,

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now I'm gonna show you a person who's got a great life. They may not even got all the way to the promised land yet, but what they have is hope, what they have is a future, what they have is a vision and a dream, what they have is a purpose.

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Because now their environment

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is nurturing

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that nature. As you took advantage,

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you are leveraging part of your giftedness doing what you do now. Right? And I think for a lot of people,

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you know, that's part of the rub as well. It's like, what's my gift?

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And and and understanding that you do have two or three gifts that are unique to you. So

00:18:23.270 --> 00:18:34.915
talk about leveraging your giftedness. Where is it? And then maybe a little bit of a tip for somebody to figure out if they don't know what maybe their giftedness could potentially be. What you were just talking about, that heart power? Mhmm.

00:18:36.755 --> 00:18:43.610
So the EKGs of the heart is like one of the most powerful frequencies in the world. Most people use more of their head than their heart. Well,

00:18:45.850 --> 00:18:54.330
if you imagine a little kid just tapping on your knee going, mom, mom, mom, dad, dad, dad, mom, mom, and that kid

00:18:54.650 --> 00:18:55.930
never being acknowledged,

00:18:57.655 --> 00:19:00.455
What do y'all think would happen to the relationship

00:19:01.575 --> 00:19:07.735
twenty years from now with no acknowledgment? There wouldn't be one because there would be no emotional closure.

00:19:08.455 --> 00:19:09.655
So

00:19:11.270 --> 00:19:13.910
the stuff you used to love to do as a kid

00:19:15.750 --> 00:19:16.550
before

00:19:16.550 --> 00:19:23.190
you got influenced by the outside world, I'm just talking about the stuff you used to love to do that brought you the most freedom

00:19:24.045 --> 00:19:27.645
is connected to the truest essence of your heart. Yeah.

00:19:29.165 --> 00:19:33.645
So I had a young lady, and I'll wrap this up quick. I had a young lady say, oh,

00:19:33.965 --> 00:19:53.715
she's like, I don't know. I have the husband, I have the job, and and and and I have the money. I just feel like something is missing. I said, what'd you used to love to do when you were a kid? She said, I used to love instantly changed. I used to love to dance. I was like, how'd you how did it make you feel? It just made it's like time stopped. When was the last time you danced? Twenty years ago.

00:19:54.515 --> 00:19:55.075
And

00:19:55.555 --> 00:19:57.235
I literally said,

00:19:57.395 --> 00:20:11.120
if you know what that relationship is like if you ignore your kid for twenty years now imagine your inner child Mhmm. And every time and every day that goes by, the thing that you used to love to do gets walked over and forgotten.

00:20:11.120 --> 00:20:13.520
That's the inner child going, mom, mom,

00:20:13.840 --> 00:20:16.720
mom, dad. So what's missing or potentially

00:20:18.225 --> 00:20:19.505
is the alignment

00:20:19.905 --> 00:20:21.585
of your spiritual self

00:20:22.065 --> 00:20:25.505
and your physical self wanting to come back home.

00:20:26.065 --> 00:20:27.985
And the what's missing part

00:20:28.145 --> 00:20:29.825
is me telling her,

00:20:30.550 --> 00:20:40.550
sign up for a dance class. Don't talk about don't think about business. And when you go there, set a powerful intention that I'm gonna take the little girl inside of me dancing.

00:20:40.550 --> 00:20:45.095
Do it just once once a week. She does it once a week.

00:20:46.215 --> 00:20:51.015
Libido comes back. Yep. The relationship with her husband starts thriving.

00:20:51.415 --> 00:20:52.295
Her business,

00:20:52.535 --> 00:21:01.930
she had quit that one, got another business. She was like, oh, my God. It's like, well, the universe becomes plastic according to the thoughts that you give the most power and

00:21:02.090 --> 00:21:03.530
who she was being

00:21:04.650 --> 00:21:07.930
was living from the inside out and not the outside in.

00:21:09.225 --> 00:21:14.345
So that That's so good. That right there Mhmm. If the entire world

00:21:15.465 --> 00:21:27.050
could remember at least one thing you did as a kid Mhmm. That brought you the most joy. If you don't remember, ask somebody when you were a little kid, what did I naturally graduate what

00:21:27.210 --> 00:21:30.970
color, what toy, what this, what did I gravitate towards?

00:21:31.210 --> 00:21:33.370
And just spend five minutes

00:21:33.825 --> 00:21:43.345
once a week with it. Watch what happens in thirty days. Okay. I'm give you an example of how brilliant you are. Okay? So one of my was thinking recently about one of my, like, happiest friends.

00:21:43.665 --> 00:22:04.405
Like, just loves what he does. Like, listen. There's there's lots of sources of happiness in life. In fact, you are the source of your happiness. But when you're in the process of doing something that's your giftedness, you tap into it at a deep level. When you're in the process of serving other people and we've done all the studies now. Actually, you get more dopamine in the process than the achievement. When you achieve something, actually, there's a dopamine crash.

00:22:04.485 --> 00:22:10.085
It's the pursuit. It's the process. Right? It's the actual work. One of my happiest friends did exactly what you've described,

00:22:10.565 --> 00:22:15.780
and I'll validate your work with this. He's actually a lawyer, And he's in his fifties.

00:22:16.020 --> 00:22:19.940
And he's just this dude's just a stud. He's super happy. But here's the story.

00:22:20.420 --> 00:22:22.340
He had been an entrepreneur

00:22:22.660 --> 00:22:25.940
till he was 30 and made a lot of money and was miserable.

00:22:26.535 --> 00:22:34.055
And he said, I just I've I've got to this achievement and I didn't get any happier. And and he said, you know what? I started to think about when I was a little guy,

00:22:34.775 --> 00:22:38.375
like five, 10 years old, what did I really like to do? And he goes, you know what's funny? I like to argue.

00:22:39.270 --> 00:22:59.405
I liked to argue. And he goes, and I was also the dude if there was a fight on the playground, I'd go protect the small kid because he's a big dude. And he goes, so I started thinking when I was a kid, what brought me the most joy? I love to argue, like, kind of debate with people and even as a young boy. We all have a child like that. Right? So some of you have a child like that. And I would protect people. He goes, I think I wanna be a lawyer. So

00:22:59.565 --> 00:23:01.325
this dude at 30 years old

00:23:01.805 --> 00:23:13.590
went back, went to law school, got his law degree, and now has a law practice, and in his thirties, found his giftedness in his go zone by tapping into his heart. Yeah. So this isn't all like this esoteric

00:23:13.590 --> 00:23:28.575
concept stuff. This is real stuff. Absolutely. By the way, maybe that thing isn't what you're gonna do for a living. It's gonna be your hobby. For me, I loved to run when I was a kid. Yeah. And I've had some major injuries to my legs playing baseball. It's a it's a long story, but, like, I really can't run like I used to.

00:23:28.895 --> 00:23:31.615
And so I recently I ironically,

00:23:31.615 --> 00:23:47.770
into riding horses. And I'm like, what is it that I love so much about being with these horses is that I can run again, and they can run faster than me. So it brings me joy. These are all the pathways that when you listen to my show, you guys, and I put brilliant people in front of you, and we get into this thing that you and I are doing right now,

00:23:48.330 --> 00:24:05.745
open your mind up and go around it. You know what mean? Like, think about all the the places that there's applications of what we're discussing here. Yeah. Because when you do, you'll understand the genius of his work. By the way, Garen has a book I didn't mention, called Change Your Mindset, Change Your Life, Lessons of Love, Leadership, and Transformation. Been out for a while.

00:24:06.790 --> 00:24:09.510
It's I read it prepping for this. It's outstanding.

00:24:09.510 --> 00:24:49.250
I feel like there's another book in you, by the way. Oh, no. It's coming. Okay. Good. Because I really believe that there's another one. It took me five years to write that book because it's called change your mindset, change your life. Every time I kept growing, I kept changing. And my boy Preston was like, Garren, if you don't put that book out right now Yep. So that was a younger version of me, and I've evolved so much since then. There's Well, by the way, one of thing they should know is you have this incredible book, and you, like, had a learning disability or something in school. Right? Yep. It's just so it's like whatever your excuse is, I wanna put somebody in front of you, everybody's probably gonna take it away, everybody. Yeah. Right? Like, you just take away people's excuses, you also feed their dreams. You feed their spirit. You say something in the book that I talk about all the time that think is right down this alley of the

00:24:50.155 --> 00:24:54.715
pursuit of what really matters. Yeah. Do you finding happiness in your figureoutableness?

00:24:54.715 --> 00:25:01.435
Yes. And that is this, that I really truly believe every human being was born with some special unique gifts.

00:25:01.835 --> 00:25:07.600
They're different. That's what makes us special. It could be your humility, your humor, your beauty, your articulation,

00:25:07.600 --> 00:25:08.560
your intellect,

00:25:08.560 --> 00:25:11.360
your your nurturing ability, your ability to

00:25:12.080 --> 00:25:13.200
your engineering

00:25:13.360 --> 00:25:19.255
ability, your acting ability, your dance ability, your your ability to just be peaceful with people,

00:25:19.495 --> 00:25:28.135
to change people's states. There's so many to teach. Right? To learn. There's all these unique gifts. We're all wired with two or three or four that are really special to us.

00:25:28.455 --> 00:26:02.660
And I this this when I read this in the book, I went, I I I can't love this book more. Mhmm. And that is and it makes me emotional because I just think most humans who say, I don't know what I wanna figure out. The pathway to that is your giftedness. And you say in the book, the world needs your gift. Yeah. So talk about that because you say it so beautifully and it the way you do it, I think will open up people's eyes and hearts. Yeah. It's how I end the show and sometimes, Ed, people write to me, watch the show and they say, you know, I love everything you share but I always wait for this last sentence which the world needs that special gift that only you have. Mhmm. And I feel like it's yet another gift from my mom who really

00:26:02.900 --> 00:26:22.415
I got that messaging over and over because I was kind of a unique child. When people would ask me when I was young, what do you wanna be when you grow up? Mhmm. There was a list of 15 things. Always. I never had one good answer. And, you know, as I became a young adult and even after college, I still never could answer in one way. I just felt always felt like a misfit.

00:26:22.575 --> 00:26:25.935
But how A misfit who was a valedictorian at Sutton Hall. But I struggled.

00:26:25.935 --> 00:26:52.565
Like Good. When you know, I worked on Wall Street. That was my first job out of school. After, like, six months, I was like, this sucks. I do not want this life. I can't imagine being here twenty four seven. So I quit that job. I worked in publishing. I tried so many different things and kept hitting walls because I didn't fit into a traditional box. And it wasn't until becoming an entrepreneur that I could wear a bunch of different hats Mhmm. And flex all of my different skills and gifts that I actually felt like I belonged, if that makes any kind of So

00:26:53.125 --> 00:27:06.890
this notion that the world needs a special gift that only you have So good. I I feel like especially with so many things happening in the world right now. You know, statistics show that over three hundred million of us worldwide suffer from depression. Yep.

00:27:07.130 --> 00:27:10.410
Um, if you look in any direction here in The United States,

00:27:10.650 --> 00:27:14.215
suicide rates are at a thirty year high. Like,

00:27:14.615 --> 00:27:47.065
a lot of us are in a lot of pain. And I think one of the pieces of that puzzle is people don't feel like they're needed. They don't feel like they have purpose or like they matter or how they're living their lives on a consistent basis. They're not contributing or growing. And any human being that's not contributing or growing is gonna go into some dark places. I certainly have in the past. You know what I mean? If I if I'm off kilter and I don't feel like I'm making a difference or I'm learning anything new, again, this is so, so typical. So for me, this message about encouraging people to identify

00:27:48.185 --> 00:27:59.320
what it is that they are here to give and to contribute and to share, I think it is such a pathway to well-being. It is. It's a pathway to fulfillment from a financial perspective. It's a pathway to

00:27:59.720 --> 00:28:10.655
make yourself not only, uh, financial financially solvent, but if if your ambitions align that way, to make yourself financially free Yes. In terms of contribution and what you wanna give the world. You know, oftentimes,

00:28:10.655 --> 00:28:15.055
when I have this conversation with people, they'll say, but, Marie, everything's been done before.

00:28:15.375 --> 00:28:28.630
Yeah. Everything's been said before by people who are more famous, more experienced. Oh my goodness. I see this person came out with x y or z. I watch Ed Show. That's exactly what I wanna do. I watch Marie show or that book. That's exactly what I wanted to say. Mhmm. And then I tell them this story.

00:28:29.110 --> 00:28:44.355
So when Josh and I, my partner, we've been together for sixteen years. When we first got together, I was in my, uh, kind of mid twenties, around that 25, 26 year old mark. And I was bartending and waiting tables. My coaching business was really tiny. I was doing all the side gigs just to keep things going.

00:28:44.595 --> 00:28:57.610
And he's an actor. Mhmm. And, uh, we were living together, and he would often go away to film a movie or a television show. And we're in New York City, and he would come back to our home, and our trash can would be filled with empty boxes of chef Boyardee

00:28:57.690 --> 00:29:01.370
and craft macaroni and cheese and, like, all of this processed,

00:29:01.370 --> 00:29:29.690
crap food because that's just what I was doing. Right? That's just I was, like, Bart, doing all the things. Just didn't have time. He's like, Marie, why don't we start taking some supplements? And, oh, let's start juicing, and we should get more vegetables in your diet. And I was so stubborn, Ed. I was such an ass. I was like, whatever, hippie man. Like, it's too expensive. I don't have the time. I don't have the energy. I'm working, like, four jobs. Just leave me alone. No. No. No. Pass the mac and cheese. Mhmm. Fast forward, like, three years. Mhmm. And I met this woman,

00:29:30.375 --> 00:29:34.455
and, uh, her name is Kris Carr, and she is a cancer thriver.

00:29:34.695 --> 00:29:47.390
She's written all of these New York Times bestselling books. Her and I became, like, really fast friends. K. And all she does is tout the benefits of, uh, a vegan diet and green juice. So I come home one day, and I'm like, Josh.

00:29:47.630 --> 00:29:57.630
I love it. I met the most amazing woman. Here's all the supplements we should take. We should get this juicer. I should be juicing. Why haven't we done we should have been doing this And years Josh was like,

00:29:58.030 --> 00:30:07.665
are you kidding me? I love it. I've been telling you the same thing. Yes. Why couldn't you hear it from me? And this is the point. Gosh. Sorry. Sometimes

00:30:07.985 --> 00:30:25.550
it takes that one person Mhmm. To share a message or a product or a service or a gift in their unique voice in a particular time, in a particular way for it to land for another human. Oh my god. So people listening right now, if they have been holding themselves back

00:30:25.950 --> 00:30:28.030
either through perfectionism

00:30:27.695 --> 00:30:45.360
or through saying it's all been said or done before, no. That is not true. If you haven't put in your piece of the puzzle, it has not been said before. And then I say this. If you have an idea or a gift or a product or a service or something that you wanna create and you don't do everything possible to put it out there,

00:30:45.760 --> 00:31:31.155
you are stealing from those who need you most. Oh, boy. That's so good. And I do mean stealing. Mhmm. Because, you know, when I think about it, if there's any clothing designer, any restaurateur who makes a dish that you love, you know, when I think about Oprah Winfrey, for example. Right? She could have said, you know what? Phil Donahue, he's got this whole talk show thing kind of covered. The world doesn't need another talk show host. Yes. And think about all the goodness, at least for me, she's a huge idol of mine. Absolutely. Incredible. That the world would have missed out on Yes. If she held herself back. Yes. You can think about it on a micro scale, like your favorite place that you go for guacamole or for pasta or whatever your thing is. You can look around, and they could have said, oh, there's enough Mexican restaurants. There's enough Italian restaurants. Why do I need to add to it? You would have missed out on all that joy. We can go down the line for anything

00:31:31.315 --> 00:31:50.810
that you find value from. You're so good. I gotta I wanna I wanna jump in on this because it's so flipping true. Yes. First off, on your gift, everybody. Something to think about. Your gift will come through you giving something to other people. That's why it's a gift. You're gonna give it to somebody. So if you're struggling with what that gift is, think about what you could give to people. That's number one. Number two, oftentimes,

00:31:50.810 --> 00:32:02.895
our giftedness that we don't maybe know we have is hidden in the people we admire most. So if you begin to look at who you admire, like one of my heroes growing up was Martin Luther King. What do I have in common with Martin Luther King? I'm not African American. I'm not a minister.

00:32:04.110 --> 00:32:09.790
His oratory skills are superior to anybody I've ever seen before, but what I loved is he could inspire.

00:32:09.950 --> 00:32:31.285
I loved that he seemed to care about people and that I saw something in him that I think I knew was in me. Now, maybe I'd manifest it in a completely different way, but if you begin to think about who you admire, ask yourself what you admire about them and it's probably because you've identified something in them that lies within you. Second the third thing on that I just wanna add that everybody because what you just said about that special voice.

00:32:31.605 --> 00:32:34.085
People know that I've had lots of business mentors

00:32:34.360 --> 00:32:54.325
and they know many of them are very well known, very famous people, but what most of you might not know is that my initial mentor, the person who believed in me the most was a man in my own company who was much less successful than I became. He was not successful. His name was he's become successful to this day, but his name was Steve Adams. And he was a struggling entrepreneur going through his four zero one k,

00:32:54.645 --> 00:33:12.180
but he'd write me letters every month about how incredible I was going to be and how successful. This why I was in college. I wasn't even in his company yet. He changed my life by his belief in me when he was not yet successful. But he gave me the gift because this is a kind man. Yes. One of his gifts is his kindness and his generosity.

00:33:12.500 --> 00:33:17.655
And he gave me his belief in his kindness and generosity. You would think, well, why'd that matter? He wasn't even successful

00:33:17.815 --> 00:33:41.430
because it was the messenger I needed. You don't have to have it all together to help other people. So I just I love acknowledge what you've said because you're so right. Everybody needs to know that. Yeah. And another place to look if people are looking. Like, I love the thing what you admire in other people, something that you might aspire to be. That's a great clue. Mhmm. Another great clue, and I think we discount this, things that come naturally to us. Yeah. Right? And we assume

00:33:41.590 --> 00:34:17.325
Mhmm. Make an assumption that everyone else has that gift too. It comes naturally to them. I I had this. So true. So many points in my life where I'm always the one who can come up with a reframe. I don't feel like I'm a Pollyanna. It's just my mind is wired to solve problems, and it's also wired to see things from different points of view. That's just how I'm built. And I'm like, doesn't everybody see things this way? No. I have a whole career out of it. Right. Exactly. So but it comes so naturally and so easily. And I think so often we humans discount that Yeah. Which comes easily to us, and we think that everyone has it. So that might be another pocket of investigation.

00:34:17.325 --> 00:34:27.290
I can't even get over how amazing what you're saying is because that's true of even guests on my show. They'll have greatness in them. Yeah. They're And like, well, everybody has that. I'm like, no. The reason you're here,

00:34:27.610 --> 00:34:33.530
right? And and this is true of every single human being and this is not we're not superior

00:34:33.530 --> 00:34:36.250
humans in any way. A goofball

00:34:36.635 --> 00:34:46.875
and I'm an average ordinary person. Happiness is finding out what your gift is and then living your life using that gift in the service of other people. That's I I I completely

00:34:46.875 --> 00:34:51.835
want to acknowledge this. It's one of the most important things we've ever covered on the show before because it doesn't get talked about enough.

00:34:52.340 --> 00:35:12.705
Also too, I wanna to build on that if we can. Sure. You know, the fact that for anyone listening or watching thinking that we have special skills or that we're, uh, this is another question. Wait. Are you always happy? Right. Are you always up? Are you always motivated? Do you ever have bad days? I have tons of shit tastic days. Like, do you know what I mean? Yes. I have I still

00:35:12.865 --> 00:35:36.685
have tons of self doubt. You know, we were talking off camera. I just came off this book tour, has been amazing. But I had this idea about how I wanted to launch the book, and it terrified me. Yeah. So my idea was what if a Beyonce concert and a TED Talk had a baby and then threw a block party? So Like, can I do this? And when I said that out loud, first of all, everything in me lit up. Mhmm. And then everything in me was terrified. So

00:35:37.325 --> 00:35:46.365
much self doubt. And I actually documented it. We did a video about the behind the scenes. Awesome video. Thank you. But I wanted to show people Mhmm. How much fear

00:35:46.525 --> 00:35:57.970
and anxiety and self doubt I have even after a twenty year career. Mhmm. Does that and so Mhmm. You know, I just I wanna just highlight and underscore that bit that anyone you admire,

00:35:58.050 --> 00:36:09.905
they absolutely have bad days. First of all, they poop and fart just like everyone else. Exactly. But it's highly likely Yeah. That they struggle with depression Yep. And anxiety and not feeling good enough. 1000000%.

00:36:09.905 --> 00:36:19.520
And and the reason that it's so important to know is one, will help you too. It's your it it I'm not gonna let you have that excuse. Yeah. It's a convenient excuse to think somebody's different or special or a Martian or superhuman

00:36:19.520 --> 00:36:22.480
and they're not, exactly. Usually when I interview somebody,

00:36:22.960 --> 00:36:37.565
know, they've accomplished something in their sport and we talk about that or they've accomplished something in business and we talk about that. The complexity of what you've done. Yeah. I wonder and it's probably even a good thing that you don't always just step back and go wow, right? But the complexity of and how many times you've remade yourself.

00:36:37.805 --> 00:36:47.420
Yeah. Because that lesson at 24, that lesson at 16, I think there was another lesson when you're preparing yourself, we're gonna talk about later for finding someone like Brianna, that whole thing.

00:36:47.740 --> 00:36:53.020
See, I had this really weird thing happen. I'll tell you, when Max was six years old, was at this car wash.

00:36:53.580 --> 00:37:07.665
And this really nice guy I'd see there all the time on Saturday, old guy. Turns out he's about my age now, but at the time he was old And to just out of niceness, says to me, goes, hey, enjoy the six year old because when he turns seven, the six year old's gone forever. Yeah. And when he turns seven

00:37:07.985 --> 00:37:13.710
or when he turns eight, the seven year old's gone forever. You got little kids, you know, man. They just keep becoming these different versions of Yeah.

00:37:14.110 --> 00:37:18.830
I remember saying back to the guy without trying to be disrespectful. I said back to him, said, so when did that stop for you?

00:37:19.230 --> 00:37:22.510
Yeah. And he just stared at me kind of blankly. And he goes,

00:37:23.070 --> 00:37:27.150
I don't know. And I said, you should figure that out. And what I respect about you

00:37:27.470 --> 00:37:34.295
is that you have not settled. The 18 year old version wasn't the same at 24. The 24 year old man doesn't

00:37:34.295 --> 00:38:00.825
even resemble the 43 year old or the 44 year old or the 24 year old. Right? Just it shifts all the time. I respect that about you. So that happens, and then you go on from there. We can't document your whole life Well, let me say let me say this to that too. Right? Because I think I've heard you say before about how you're you're in pursuit of the vision of of, you know, something to the effect of you're pursuing the vision of the man Yeah. That you ex you expect yourself to become. Right? Correct. Something to that effect. And I I I

00:38:01.225 --> 00:38:04.265
would say when I finally shifted to that that

00:38:04.905 --> 00:38:07.465
at in that pursuit of that individual,

00:38:08.020 --> 00:38:12.100
I also knew that that individual was slowly changing

00:38:12.180 --> 00:38:36.630
with the experience that I was having pursuing it, right? Yeah. And it's not that it's this you're pursuing something that's not attainable, it's with experience and knowledge and understanding of yourself because you're on the journey just to master you Yes. That the more you begin to master you, the more that ideal version of you begins to evolve too. So you're in this sort of relentless pursuit that's clear,

00:38:37.590 --> 00:38:40.870
that I think at some point it becomes fully optimized.

00:38:40.870 --> 00:38:46.870
The fully optimized version of yourself is who you will catch up with, like, that won't forever be elusive.

00:38:47.435 --> 00:38:50.715
And Oh my gosh. That's Right. And and I think

00:38:51.515 --> 00:38:54.715
as because we're so similar in that sort of idea,

00:38:55.275 --> 00:39:01.115
it's the moment I realized that, no. This growth is actually one of your key attributes.

00:39:01.580 --> 00:39:04.860
Like embrace it and enjoy

00:39:05.580 --> 00:39:14.540
what you're able to achieve, but know that that's not part of your makeup. Like the relentless pursuit is actually your makeup. Oh my gosh, brother. And that changed,

00:39:16.215 --> 00:39:17.255
it allows

00:39:17.255 --> 00:39:18.695
me to not

00:39:19.655 --> 00:39:37.240
very difficult to look back and reflect because I mean, I just enjoy the pursuit so much. You know what I mean? Me too. I've had the I've had you I heard you say about this too. You make me feel really good because although we're a little bit different personality wise, you're probably the most similar person to me that I've met maybe ever. And just that

00:39:37.640 --> 00:39:44.760
it's even hard to describe, but we're both just so obsessed with this pursuit of growth and change and experiences

00:39:45.015 --> 00:39:47.895
in life. And one of the things I struggle with is my memory.

00:39:48.295 --> 00:40:21.805
Yeah. And and I and I know you do So do I. That's right. I know. Like The gift and the curse. It's a gift and the curse. I think I think maybe one of the gifts of it is I don't remember all my failures to just hold me back and I keep telling all these old stories. Yeah. But I really do have a hard time remembering things. In fact, when I get interviewed, the great gift for me when I'm interviewed is it forces some recall of memories I didn't have before. You have that too. Right? What do you think that is? 100%. I don't I don't know, but just talking it out, thinking about it Yeah. Right, with somebody else that experiences it, I think it's more gift than curse. Now, it it comes back to haunt you when you're trying to, like, remember the details like,

00:40:22.285 --> 00:40:38.590
on certain things, and it and it jams you up a where it jams me up at this state is I'm taking in and learning so much at a high level, and then it pushes out stuff that I could really use again when I wanna Yeah. Use it for another situation if you will, especially in business.

00:40:39.470 --> 00:40:40.430
But I also

00:40:42.190 --> 00:40:44.675
it's also made me super conscious

00:40:44.675 --> 00:40:57.875
of stuff that I really want to know, that I want to remember and never forget that I tell myself that as I get there. Right? Meaning when a major moment happens, you have the And the engagement, getting wedding, children,

00:40:57.875 --> 00:41:04.340
like a moment with children. I'll I when I really even just recently taking the helicopter

00:41:04.340 --> 00:41:05.300
to Catalina

00:41:05.300 --> 00:41:06.500
to celebrate

00:41:06.580 --> 00:41:07.300
my

00:41:07.540 --> 00:41:09.220
three year anniversary, like,

00:41:09.700 --> 00:41:16.715
kept telling myself as we're flying over the city and look at the ocean, like, don't, like, just feel this. Like like,

00:41:17.035 --> 00:41:25.595
remember this. Look at this. Remember this. So it's like, I have to practice that and those lock in. Right? Yeah. That's why,

00:41:25.755 --> 00:41:38.490
you guys, if I started to try to list for you the amount of moments that he can't remember, but also that have been amazing in his life, some of you you just would literally it is what he said earlier. It's many, many, many, many, many, many, many lives. Right? And so

00:41:38.810 --> 00:41:46.105
I wanna touch on some of them where there's lessons, but I just I'm gonna spend most of my time in your brain and in your heart. So but you go all the way from

00:41:46.505 --> 00:41:47.945
let's be honest. You go from

00:41:48.265 --> 00:41:50.665
Rob and Big. You got ridiculousness.

00:41:50.665 --> 00:41:51.865
Right? You got

00:41:52.320 --> 00:42:00.000
all of the moments that happened on all of these shows too. Right? Fantasy Factory, like, all of these different things. It's just it's it's bananas. And so

00:42:00.480 --> 00:42:03.840
And keep in mind, Fantasy Factory was basically a moment generator.

00:42:03.920 --> 00:42:18.785
You know what I mean? From being attacked by a shark to jockeying a horse for a race to like flipping a car for a Super Bowl commercial, breaking a world record, jumping a car backwards, like Yeah. Getting towed into a giant wave and almost dying, like all these crazy

00:42:18.785 --> 00:42:29.690
crazy crazy highlight reel that no human being on the planet Earth has. Correct. Right? Is Did you just hear what he said, by the way? Just just slow that down for a second. Okay? A mauled by a tiger,

00:42:29.850 --> 00:42:44.535
bit attacked by a shark. You kissed a bear on the lips, I think. I kissed a bear. Right? And then It's an easier one. What so let me just stay on it just for a second because, like, those are once in a lifetime moments you've had over and over and over again. Right? So Yeah. Stay on that just meanwhile,

00:42:45.255 --> 00:42:46.615
kicking ass in business,

00:42:46.855 --> 00:42:54.490
meanwhile, founding a skateboarding it's just it's it's like you make me feel small, which is awesome. Right? So And keep in mind too Yeah.

00:42:54.810 --> 00:42:56.970
They are fully intertwined.

00:42:56.970 --> 00:43:16.055
What do you mean? Like, how is them I'm negotiating a deal a five year, like, multi million dollar mega deal with Nike right before, like, I gotta hang up the phone and break a world record for jumping a car ramp to ramp 90 feet backwards. Right? For a giant Chevy integration deal, that Chevy's going to do a deal for

00:43:16.780 --> 00:43:19.900
being a part of our league while launching

00:43:20.220 --> 00:43:40.715
a complete new company. It's like you're taking phone calls in between this sort of chaos and sort of all aspects of your life. That was that was a six or seven year run of doing all this insanity while doing all of your business and normal stuff inside it. So that's maxing out these different areas. The pun is intended. Right? But, like so there are people out here who use the

00:43:41.230 --> 00:43:54.270
complexity of their lives as an excuse not to succeed in any one of them. Right? So, oh god. I'm a dad, and I've got my business, and I got my, you know, soccer league or whatever it is. How did you do that? So if you were to say, here's one of the reasons how I can compartmentalize

00:43:54.270 --> 00:43:57.630
and win in different areas, what would be one of the keys? Just

00:43:57.245 --> 00:43:58.525
sheer drive

00:43:58.605 --> 00:44:00.925
and relentless

00:44:00.925 --> 00:44:01.805
pursuit

00:44:02.285 --> 00:44:03.405
of success.

00:44:03.565 --> 00:44:05.005
The problem with that was,

00:44:05.245 --> 00:44:06.765
is here you are,

00:44:08.285 --> 00:44:08.925
someone

00:44:09.245 --> 00:44:11.260
that can do anything,

00:44:11.340 --> 00:44:11.820
you

00:44:12.860 --> 00:44:14.060
you end up

00:44:14.380 --> 00:44:18.940
you have the ability to do anything, so you end up doing everything,

00:44:19.180 --> 00:44:21.740
then you end up kinda standing for nothing.

00:44:21.900 --> 00:44:23.975
Right? So you end up meaning

00:44:24.055 --> 00:44:38.560
so much to so many different people. You you're not even sure what you stand for, like, are are is your passion business? Do you wanna do stunts? Are you a TV guy? Like, do you wanna be the commissioner of your league? Do you like skateboard? Like, what is like I had to

00:44:38.800 --> 00:44:39.600
stop

00:44:40.000 --> 00:44:40.720
and

00:44:41.280 --> 00:44:48.320
realize that because my hope was if I just kept doing all this stuff, one of them would show me the way. Right?

00:44:48.640 --> 00:44:51.360
So and as someone that's so driven

00:44:51.565 --> 00:45:11.760
and whose gift is execution, the moment you decide to do something, you're gonna do it. I'm gonna do a cartoon and a toy line like, okay, I got a cartoon on Nickelodeon and a toy line in Walmart. I got attacked by a shark to launch it. I'm gonna do a new television show. I got this, I've read an article with Vinny DiBona. I'm gonna do this clip video show. It's gonna be the biggest thing ever. Like like,

00:45:12.000 --> 00:45:15.120
you end up doing all of these things and you basically,

00:45:15.840 --> 00:45:16.960
uh, behind

00:45:16.960 --> 00:45:17.840
that there's

00:45:18.015 --> 00:45:24.095
20 of them that aren't working that you're putting that same energy of running into the wall with. Right? And and furthermore,

00:45:24.575 --> 00:45:32.255
it's not leading anywhere since you're hoping one will determine what your future is. Right? And I stopped and

00:45:32.610 --> 00:45:33.410
and

00:45:33.650 --> 00:45:42.210
yes, I I would look at myself as this highly conditioned stress athlete where you could you could put yourself under the deepest pressure and

00:45:42.450 --> 00:45:43.090
and,

00:45:43.730 --> 00:45:48.835
you know, take on 50 or 60 things at a time and operate smooth and happy.

00:45:49.315 --> 00:45:49.955
And

00:45:50.355 --> 00:45:52.275
but it wasn't until I

00:45:52.835 --> 00:45:59.875
looked deep within myself and decided what type of life do you actually want. It's easier to do when you're sort of in the midst of failure

00:46:00.115 --> 00:46:05.110
Totally. Externally, but you did it in the midst of success. Totally. And so this is what it does. Right?

00:46:05.510 --> 00:46:05.830
It

00:46:06.310 --> 00:46:07.590
when I finally

00:46:07.590 --> 00:46:08.470
transition

00:46:08.470 --> 00:46:10.150
to the the

00:46:10.550 --> 00:46:11.910
the next level

00:46:12.230 --> 00:46:13.430
The new version. Fully

00:46:13.830 --> 00:46:19.595
designed version, right, which I'm on my way, right, to say I'm exactly two and one half years into,

00:46:21.515 --> 00:46:29.100
then I'll speak about it and it'll be what I'm known for and what we talk about, right? Because since I'm in the middle of transitioning

00:46:29.100 --> 00:46:52.915
in it, when you look at at my body of work, it is like so all over the place, you don't even it's so hard to like land on what it is because the stunt aspect is is really interesting, you know what I mean? And being a professional athlete and then like, oh, you jump up and and now now you're doing all these businesses. We're partners together in this super innovative amazing brand like Yeah. Like, oh, but then no, you're still

00:46:53.075 --> 00:46:58.130
shooting nine episodes of television a week. You know what I mean? And like, you're still,

00:46:58.450 --> 00:47:00.210
you know, entering your

00:47:00.610 --> 00:47:03.650
twelfth, thirteenth, and fourteenth season on on

00:47:03.890 --> 00:47:05.090
ridiculousness,

00:47:05.090 --> 00:47:10.210
putting you at ten years and twenty five seasons and 500 episodes of television on MTV.

00:47:10.210 --> 00:47:10.770
Like,

00:47:11.090 --> 00:47:11.650
it's

00:47:12.325 --> 00:47:17.605
hard to put down what does he really What would he be known for when really

00:47:18.005 --> 00:47:25.285
you would know me primarily for MTV if you know business or you've had a conversation, then you're like, Okay, this guy's But tuned

00:47:26.485 --> 00:47:27.285
my goal

00:47:27.580 --> 00:47:33.260
is to be known for the life that I created, the life that I lived the

00:47:34.620 --> 00:47:37.340
way that I systematized it and built it

00:47:37.820 --> 00:47:46.655
that ultimately people could replicate in their own lives in the future. Yeah. The example's gonna be bananas. I I actually admire the diversity of your success.

00:47:47.615 --> 00:47:56.740
It makes It's been a lot of fun. I mean, it's like Brother, come on. And I'll tell you another moment too, man. When I After I got attacked by that shark. Yeah. Because I'm like, this is so dumb.

00:47:56.980 --> 00:48:05.220
Like, this isn't even this isn't even gonna be good. Like, why am I doing this? That's every stunt. Every stunt. It's like, this isn't even that this is so dumb. And afterwards,

00:48:06.875 --> 00:48:12.795
no one in the world. No one in the world. Alright. But I remember swimming up off of

00:48:13.195 --> 00:48:28.660
the looking down on the on that boat and stopping as I was swimming up and there's like 50 sharks swimming around telling myself, just look and and soak this into your mind because you will never be back here again. Know? And and I have that

00:48:29.220 --> 00:48:39.255
to go along with the great photo of that, like, shark on my arm. You know what I mean? Alright. Welcome back to the show, everybody. Today's gonna be awesome. I get a chance to share time with

00:48:39.815 --> 00:48:47.655
someone who's had a deep impact on my life. You know, I feel so close to this man, yet we've only been in person together once. It's this it's the most interesting relationship and connection

00:48:48.700 --> 00:48:52.140
I've had in many, many years with somebody. I love his work,

00:48:53.900 --> 00:48:59.820
and I have a lot to learn today myself. I I told him before we started. This is for everybody else today, but I have some of my own questions as well.

00:49:01.215 --> 00:49:04.735
He's got a new book out called the wealth money can't buy.

00:49:05.535 --> 00:49:09.295
And he I guess I'd call him a thought leader, a humanitarian.

00:49:09.695 --> 00:49:13.775
I'd also call him just kind, brilliant, and someone that I admire because

00:49:14.710 --> 00:49:19.110
he's he has started to live life on his own terms, and that takes a lot of courage

00:49:19.510 --> 00:49:23.430
when you're as successful as he is. And so Robin Sharma,

00:49:23.430 --> 00:49:29.030
welcome back, brother. It's so good to have you. My brother, Ed, uh, you are such a kind soul yourself,

00:49:29.565 --> 00:49:33.165
and I honor you for inspiring the lives of millions of people.

00:49:33.485 --> 00:49:39.645
And your humility is is so special, and I wanna acknowledge you for that as well. It's it's amazing

00:49:39.645 --> 00:49:40.685
to see you.

00:49:41.245 --> 00:49:49.900
It's amazing to see you, and he's in the he's in the midst of a tour right now. He's very, very busy. So I have so many things I wanna ask you about because

00:49:50.540 --> 00:49:57.100
it's the the book itself about the wealth that money can't buy. The reason it's so profound is about everything we see in our culture now

00:49:57.555 --> 00:49:59.715
is about the wealth money can buy.

00:50:00.355 --> 00:50:12.515
And that's become our idol for the most part in our culture. And I wanna talk about that and pick that apart first. But first thing I wanna cover is I think in order to understand what you want in life, you have to understand why you are the way you are.

00:50:13.310 --> 00:50:18.510
And so one of the things you list in the book is the Penham principle. I hope I'm pronouncing that correctly.

00:50:18.670 --> 00:50:24.350
And if I am, why don't we start today with you explaining to us about us? Because I think that's what this does.

00:50:25.145 --> 00:50:32.345
Well, you know, Ed, we fall into a human track, and we think we see the world as it is, but we see the world as we are.

00:50:32.985 --> 00:50:37.385
Mhmm. So Joseph Campbell had this idea of the stained glass window.

00:50:37.385 --> 00:50:38.585
We all look through

00:50:39.030 --> 00:50:41.510
our experiences and our programming

00:50:41.990 --> 00:50:44.230
through a perceptual filter.

00:50:44.790 --> 00:50:50.150
And so right now, we can see the poly crisis and the wars and the challenges and the

00:50:50.390 --> 00:50:52.390
cost of living crisis.

00:50:52.950 --> 00:50:56.255
Yet we can also see beauty, and we can see wonder.

00:50:56.335 --> 00:50:57.775
We can see opportunity.

00:50:58.335 --> 00:51:00.095
We can see the chance for service.

00:51:00.575 --> 00:51:04.655
So the Penham principle, first the first form of follow-up in the book,

00:51:05.295 --> 00:51:12.480
these are the five forces that make us us, that make you you, make me me. Number one, Pete, Penham, our parents.

00:51:12.880 --> 00:51:17.040
When we were little kids, our parents taught us how the world worked.

00:51:17.280 --> 00:51:19.200
And so that early programming

00:51:19.200 --> 00:51:26.645
stays with us through our lifetime unless we rewire it. Our parents could have said money doesn't grow on trees. Be reasonable.

00:51:26.805 --> 00:51:27.845
Don't trust

00:51:27.925 --> 00:51:28.725
whatever.

00:51:28.885 --> 00:51:32.485
And we pick up all these programs. So the p stands for parents.

00:51:32.485 --> 00:51:35.045
Second e, the e in penum,

00:51:35.125 --> 00:51:36.965
our ecosystem or our environment.

00:51:37.750 --> 00:51:39.430
We become our environment.

00:51:39.670 --> 00:51:49.750
You look at the information we allow into our minds, the information diet. It steadily transforms us, upgrades us, or degrades us. The end is our nation.

00:51:50.245 --> 00:51:56.165
If you're from a war torn nation, that's going to affect the perceptual filter through which you see the world.

00:51:56.885 --> 00:51:58.965
The a, our associations.

00:51:59.285 --> 00:52:00.965
We become our conversations.

00:52:01.125 --> 00:52:05.830
Everyone we have met in our lives have left some form of an imprint subconsciously,

00:52:05.830 --> 00:52:09.270
either positively or negatively within us. Everyone.

00:52:09.670 --> 00:52:10.950
So our associations,

00:52:10.950 --> 00:52:12.710
all it takes is one conversation

00:52:13.030 --> 00:52:21.495
with someone whose life we wanna be living to help us enter a secret universe of possibility we never knew was there.

00:52:22.055 --> 00:52:22.695
A

00:52:23.255 --> 00:52:42.960
secret universe of possibility. That's so good. All it takes is one idea to to reframe the way we see the world. That's the power of reading, the power of listening to a podcast, the power of a mentor, the power of a mastermind, the power of stripping out the energy vampires and dream stealers from our life. And then the m in the penum principle,

00:52:42.960 --> 00:52:45.920
the five forces that shaped us, the is media.

00:52:46.705 --> 00:52:52.465
Look at the inflow look at the subtle messaging and the not so subtle messaging

00:52:52.545 --> 00:52:54.305
we are receiving from influencers,

00:52:54.305 --> 00:52:56.465
from the media, from advertisers

00:52:56.465 --> 00:52:57.345
constantly

00:52:57.345 --> 00:52:58.545
in a torrent.

00:52:58.625 --> 00:53:05.000
And whether we want to admit it or not, it shapes the way we see the world and shapes the way we feel and shapes the way we show up.

00:53:05.320 --> 00:53:09.480
Gosh. It's so true. One of the things I like about the way that Robin writes

00:53:09.960 --> 00:53:13.320
and it makes it difficult to interview him because there's so many good points,

00:53:13.640 --> 00:53:15.320
but he writes very small chapters.

00:53:15.905 --> 00:53:24.065
And so when you read his work, you're like, that's the question I wanna ask him. That's the question. There's so many of them. And he gets right to the point. It's very strategic.

00:53:24.785 --> 00:53:33.350
I love your writing style, and I love your thinking style. And so I kinda wanna build on a progression, but because of the way that I read the book,

00:53:33.830 --> 00:53:37.510
we're gonna skip around, guys. We're gonna kinda just bring you value,

00:53:37.670 --> 00:53:49.245
but not in any real order or sequence. And so but once we understand why we are the way we are, there's some simple things you say in there that I think bear repeating and and and some expansion.

00:53:49.325 --> 00:53:53.325
So one thing you say is you say, small steps make giant gains.

00:53:53.485 --> 00:53:57.885
And I think what most people think in life is like, gotta make some major move to change things.

00:53:59.090 --> 00:54:03.090
But you make the point in the book that, hey. A small step can make a huge difference.

00:54:03.410 --> 00:54:05.170
Sure. What you do daily,

00:54:05.250 --> 00:54:09.650
the tiny things are so much more powerful than the big things you might do annually.

00:54:10.050 --> 00:54:15.005
So I've had a brain tattoo that I've used for years, and it's small daily, seemingly insignificant

00:54:15.005 --> 00:54:17.165
improvements when done consistently

00:54:17.165 --> 00:54:18.045
over time

00:54:18.285 --> 00:54:19.805
lead to stunning

00:54:19.805 --> 00:54:20.605
results.

00:54:20.765 --> 00:54:33.560
Now we can go more granular on that. Your day are your life in miniature, and that was one of my intentions today. Like, just give a fire hose of value to Ed's global community.

00:54:33.880 --> 00:54:36.760
Your days are your life in miniature,

00:54:36.920 --> 00:54:41.320
so don't worry about the weeks or the quarters or the years. Focus on this day.

00:54:41.855 --> 00:54:46.255
And if you can get those micro wins and also create perfect moments

00:54:46.415 --> 00:54:51.055
and also make some steady progress towards your personal Mount Everest,

00:54:51.455 --> 00:55:03.970
you had a great day. But here's the larger point. The days become weeks. The weeks become months. The months become years. So your days are your life in miniature is a very key point. And what I would add to that is if you look at a great company,

00:55:04.130 --> 00:55:06.690
they were built not by revolution.

00:55:06.690 --> 00:55:08.690
It wasn't one strategic

00:55:09.010 --> 00:55:09.810
objective

00:55:09.810 --> 00:55:10.930
that made Apple.

00:55:11.725 --> 00:55:13.805
It was built by evolution.

00:55:14.365 --> 00:55:16.765
Yeah. Those little optimizations,

00:55:17.725 --> 00:55:18.365
those

00:55:18.765 --> 00:55:19.645
opportunities

00:55:19.645 --> 00:55:21.805
to be a merchant of Wow,

00:55:22.285 --> 00:55:23.805
those little innovations,

00:55:23.805 --> 00:55:25.005
the little details,

00:55:25.005 --> 00:55:29.940
and the same with the human life. How do you build a great human life? Consistency

00:55:29.940 --> 00:55:31.860
is the mother of mastery.

00:55:31.860 --> 00:55:36.100
Little wins, tiny triumphs done consistently over time

00:55:36.500 --> 00:55:41.780
all lead you to to a life you'll be super proud of at the end. And I think

00:55:42.875 --> 00:55:48.555
last thing I'd say about that is that's the power of connecting to your mortality. I think as human beings,

00:55:48.875 --> 00:55:51.595
we are the great postponeers.

00:55:51.755 --> 00:55:52.555
We will

00:55:53.115 --> 00:55:54.635
create these wonderful

00:55:54.635 --> 00:55:55.755
days consistently.

00:55:56.100 --> 00:55:58.580
We will install great habits.

00:55:58.580 --> 00:56:01.940
We will dream bigger dreams so we become possibilitarians

00:56:01.940 --> 00:56:03.620
when the kids get older,

00:56:04.020 --> 00:56:05.860
when we have more time,

00:56:06.100 --> 00:56:07.460
when there's an ideal

00:56:07.780 --> 00:56:09.620
period for that. And yet,

00:56:10.385 --> 00:56:14.065
you know, connecting to the shortness of life and your mortality,

00:56:14.065 --> 00:56:28.450
and if you can do that as part of your morning ritual, and I have some tools to share as we move through our time together that will help your viewers and listeners do that. But just keeping your death and the shortness of life front and center is not

00:56:29.010 --> 00:56:41.425
negative. I think it's hugely inspirational because then you live to the point. Welcome back to the show, everybody. Excited to talk to this gentleman today because his work's fascinated me for a long time. The reason his work has fascinated me for so long,

00:56:41.985 --> 00:56:55.590
I went through this string for a while where so many, what I call, high performing successful friends of mine would say, have you read Atomic Habits? You read Atomic Habits? I'm talking about athletes, business people, entertainers. And I'm like, the heck is Atomic Habits?

00:56:56.310 --> 00:56:59.110
And I finally find out there's this guy, James Clear.

00:56:59.430 --> 00:57:01.910
Turns out he's written this book. Like, 5,000,000

00:57:01.910 --> 00:57:18.625
people have bought it. And I'm like, well, why have 5,000,000 people read this book on habits? Because, you know, you're supposed to have them. And then I read it. I'm like, ah, it's not one of these, like, have a habit book. It's like how your brain works, how to create habits, how to eliminate bad ones, and physically why in your brain you can do these things and why it's so necessary.

00:57:19.120 --> 00:57:22.160
So I've wanted James on for a long time. We finally put it together.

00:57:22.400 --> 00:57:35.645
I'm so grateful to share him with all of you today. So James Clear, welcome to the show, brother. Hey. Thanks for having me on. Great to talk to you. Yeah. And I don't wanna just talk habits today. I'm gonna talk about some of your productivity hacks as well. Sure. Your work, Rose, is

00:57:35.965 --> 00:57:40.765
I I think I'd call it groundbreaking because I don't think anybody's really approached habits the way that you have.

00:57:41.405 --> 00:57:50.460
But let's let's back up a little bit just for a second because I I think it's important for people to understand this concept you teach that, you know, everyone's always talking about taking massive action.

00:57:50.860 --> 00:57:55.180
You take massive action towards what you want. You're like, yeah. You should do that, but

00:57:55.580 --> 00:57:58.140
your concept of getting 1% better

00:57:58.380 --> 00:57:59.580
is much more

00:58:00.215 --> 00:58:07.975
believable for most people. And so just address that for a second. Why why 1% better every day, and how does a habit do that? Sure. So

00:58:08.535 --> 00:58:23.010
first of all, I think there's no reason that you can't be really ambitious. Right? Like, I consider myself to be a very ambitious person. I think it's just that you're oscillating or switching between these two modes. You know? Like, when you're in planning mode, when you're in strategy mode, sure, you can be very ambitious

00:58:23.090 --> 00:58:24.210
and be very

00:58:24.450 --> 00:58:25.810
aggressive and,

00:58:26.050 --> 00:58:27.570
you know, stretching yourself and reaching.

00:58:28.325 --> 00:58:30.805
But when it comes time to take action and execute,

00:58:31.045 --> 00:58:50.050
you have to scale it down to something that you can achieve that day. You know, like the in in one sense, the biggest unit of time you could ever do something is about a single day because then you gotta go to sleep, you know, and then you have to wake up again and do it the next day. So unless you're playing you know, at some point, there's a limit. You can only stay up for forty eight hours or seventy two hours, like, know, and then you break. So

00:58:50.450 --> 00:59:06.825
that's the largest possible unit that you could ever do a single thing in. And I think more realistically, most of the time, the truth is, you know, you got about an hour. Maybe you got two hours to work on this, and then you gotta go move on to something else. So we don't have big chunks of chunks of time available to us. We need to scale things down into

00:59:07.065 --> 00:59:14.700
pieces that we can actually work on and execute. So way that I think about it is when making plans, think big. When making progress, think small.

00:59:15.180 --> 00:59:19.020
And getting 1% better each day is a way to encourage that.

00:59:19.740 --> 00:59:31.905
The story that I like to tell, and this is something that I kinda kick atomic habits off with, it's the story of the British cycling team. And, uh, you know, for many years, British cycling was very mediocre. They had never won a Tour de France, which is the premier race in cycling.

00:59:32.065 --> 00:59:38.945
They had won a single gold medal over, like, a hundred year span, and they brought this new performance coach in named Dave Brailsford,

00:59:39.630 --> 00:59:45.790
and he had this concept that he called the aggregation of marginal gains, the aggregation of marginal gains.

00:59:46.430 --> 00:59:56.215
And the way that he described it was the 1% improvement in nearly everything that we do related to cycling. So they started looking at a bunch of things you would expect a cycling team to focus on. Like,

00:59:56.535 --> 01:00:08.690
they put slightly lighter tires on the bike or they designed, an ergonomic seat for the riders. They had the riders wear a little feedback sensor, little chip to see how each individual responded to training, then they would adjust the practice schedule.

01:00:09.410 --> 01:00:21.330
But then they started doing, like, these little 1% changes, these small improvements that nobody else was really thinking about. Like, they hired a surgeon to come in and teach the riders how to wash their hands to reduce the risk of catching a cold or getting the flu.

01:00:22.185 --> 01:00:34.905
They have this big trailer, like a semi trailer that carries a lot of bikes in it to major events, and they painted the inside of that truck trailer white so that they could spot little bits of dirt and dust that might get in the gears and degrade the performance of the bikes.

01:00:36.040 --> 01:00:40.680
They have two different types of fabrics. They've got, like, indoor racing suits and outdoor racing suits.

01:00:40.920 --> 01:00:46.680
And, uh, they tested those fabrics in a wind Tunnel, and they found out that the indoor fabric was lighter and more aerodynamic.

01:00:46.680 --> 01:00:54.705
So they asked all of their riders to wear that fabric. They even had all their, uh, different riders test, you know, like a bunch of like, maybe a dozen different types of pillows,

01:00:54.945 --> 01:01:03.265
and then they see which one led to the best night's sleep for each person. And then once they figured that out, they brought that on the road with them to hotels for the Tour de France and so on. And,

01:01:04.180 --> 01:01:10.500
you know, Brailsford said something like, if we can actually do this, right, if we actually make all these 1% improvements related to cycling,

01:01:10.740 --> 01:01:13.380
then I think we can win a Tour de France within five years.

01:01:14.260 --> 01:01:27.275
He ended up being wrong. Uh, they won the Tour de France in three years, and then they repeated again the fourth year with a different rider. And then after one year break, they won three more in a row. So after having never won for, like, a hundred and ten years, you know, they win five of the next six.

01:01:27.835 --> 01:01:34.395
And I like to use that story as an introduction to this idea of getting a little bit better, making these 1% improvements

01:01:34.910 --> 01:01:38.990
for a couple reasons. The first is it shows you that excellence

01:01:38.990 --> 01:01:41.870
a lot of the time, maybe we could even say most of the time,

01:01:42.270 --> 01:01:47.710
is not actually about radical change. It's about a commitment to accruing small improvements day in and day out.

01:01:48.515 --> 01:01:49.395
Secondly,

01:01:49.395 --> 01:01:51.155
and I think this is also crucial,

01:01:51.395 --> 01:01:53.715
it encourages you to focus on trajectory

01:01:53.715 --> 01:01:55.075
rather than position.

01:01:55.395 --> 01:02:06.590
Right? There's a lot of discussion about position in life. How much money is in the bank account? What is the number on the scale? What is the current stock price? What are the quarterly earnings? It's all this measurement around our current position.

01:02:07.230 --> 01:02:18.175
But what getting 1% better each day encourages is to focus on your trajectory instead. Am I getting better? Is it the arrow pointed up and to the right, or have we flatlined? Am I getting 1% better or 1% worse?

01:02:18.575 --> 01:02:20.815
Because if you're on a good trajectory,

01:02:21.135 --> 01:02:36.820
all you need is time. Right? If you have good habits, time becomes your ally. You just need to let time work for you. But if you have bad habits, time becomes your enemy. And every day that clicks by, you kind of dig the hole a little bit deeper. And so it's very much at the core. It's about encouraging you to focus on trajectory rather than position.

01:02:37.060 --> 01:02:39.380
How did you get the 37.78

01:02:39.380 --> 01:02:48.325
times better? Like, where'd that ratio number come from? Yeah. Yeah. It's just it's just math. Right? So if you get 1% better each day for a year, so 1.01

01:02:48.325 --> 01:02:57.685
to the three hundred and sixty fifth power, then he gets 37 times better by the end of the year. If you get 1% worse, point nine nine to the three hundred and sixty fifth power,

01:02:57.925 --> 01:03:07.960
then you drive yourself almost all the way down to zero. Zero. Now, you know, look. Real life is not exactly like a mathematical equation. Right? Your habits are not exactly like this this formula,

01:03:08.200 --> 01:03:10.280
but I do think that it highlights

01:03:10.280 --> 01:03:12.360
an important concept, which is the

01:03:12.920 --> 01:03:18.545
difference between making a choice that's 1% better or 1% worse on any given day

01:03:18.865 --> 01:03:20.625
is relatively insignificant.

01:03:20.625 --> 01:03:25.025
Like, it's very easy to dismiss. And this is, I think, one of the things that makes it underappreciated

01:03:25.025 --> 01:03:26.305
or underestimated.

01:03:26.465 --> 01:03:28.145
You know? Like, what is the difference between

01:03:28.465 --> 01:03:34.490
eating a burger and fries for lunch today or eating a salad or, you know, going to the gym for thirty minutes or not?

01:03:34.890 --> 01:03:52.675
Well, on any given day, not a whole lot. You know? Your body looks the same in the mirror at the end of the night. Scale hasn't really changed. It's only two or five or ten years later that you turn around and you're like, oh, you know, those daily choices really do add up. And I think you see this pattern again and again throughout life. Like, take knowledge,

01:03:52.675 --> 01:03:53.395
for example.

01:03:53.955 --> 01:04:08.450
The person who always reads for an extra ten minutes each day. Well, look, reading for ten minutes a day does not make you a genius. Right? It's very easy to dismiss. But the person who always does that over five or ten or twenty years, yeah, really meaningful difference in wisdom and insight.

01:04:08.610 --> 01:04:12.955
Productivity is the same way. You know, like the person who gets one extra task done each day.

01:04:13.435 --> 01:04:25.675
Doing one extra thing does not make you an all star. But again, over a ten or twenty or thirty year career, that can be a really meaningful difference in output. So this pattern shows up again and again. What starts out small and relatively easy to dismiss

01:04:26.110 --> 01:04:43.105
compounds or turns into something much more significant over time. The biggest word, bro. I don't think most people take into account you and I are both college baseball players, good ones, but neither one of us were, you know, surefire first round draft pick Major League players. And I think most people don't take into account in their life the compound effect.

01:04:43.425 --> 01:04:47.345
I don't think they understand it in money. I don't think they understand it in their bodies

01:04:47.505 --> 01:04:57.890
Mhmm. Both positive and negative. I don't think they understand their identity or in just and in habits. The compound effect in life of allowing small things to stack up over time has a multiplier effect.

01:04:58.130 --> 01:05:05.250
And one of the things that I feel like in your work and by the way, your work is I'm at work. We're a few minutes in here, and I'm like, this is so good.

01:05:06.085 --> 01:05:14.725
And the reason is is, one, I believe most people believe they can get 1% better every day. I don't think most people believe that they can completely transform everything in one big leap.

01:05:14.965 --> 01:06:11.985
I think there's a multiplier, though. Do you agree that between doing the right things 1% or just better habitually every single day, Not only are you actually making deposits of doing things correctly or better, but there's a part of your identity that starts to change over time about how you view yourself that I am that guy who doesn't eat the hamburger and fries when he can choose to eat the other one. And you stack those choices and behaviors up over time, and you start sort of believing maybe you deserve something that you didn't deserve prior. Isn't there a factor of that, don't you think, as well? This is a a huge part of kind of my philosophy in book, this idea of what I call identity based habits. But, essentially, the concept is and this I think this is the real reason that habits matter. The the surface level reason that habits matter is they help you be more productive. They help you make more money. They help you lose weight and get fit. And look, habits can do all those things, and that's great. But I think the deeper reason that they matter is that every action you take is like a vote for the type of person you wish to become.

01:06:12.385 --> 01:06:21.810
And so when you perform these small habits, when you take these little actions, you're casting votes for a certain aspect of your story or a certain element of your identity.

01:06:22.050 --> 01:06:48.310
In a sense, every time you perform a habit, that's how you, like, embody that aspect of your identity. So, you know, when you make your bed in the morning, morning, you embody the identity of someone who's clean and organized. Or if you write one sentence, you embody the identity of someone who is a writer. And this is why it can be valuable, you know, even to, like, do one push up. It's like, no, that does not transform your body, but it does cast a vote for I'm the type of person who doesn't miss workouts.

01:06:48.630 --> 01:06:49.510
And eventually,

01:06:49.590 --> 01:06:54.470
as you build up evidence of that story, as you start to cast more votes for that identity,

01:06:55.110 --> 01:07:02.335
you have, like, actual proof to believe this. Right? This is I think this is a little bit different than you'll often hear something like fake it till you make it.

01:07:02.815 --> 01:07:08.255
And I don't necessarily have anything wrong with fake it till you make it. It's asking you to believe something positive about yourself,

01:07:08.910 --> 01:07:11.790
but it's asking you to believe something positive

01:07:11.870 --> 01:07:20.430
without having evidence for it. And we have a word for beliefs that don't have evidence. We call that delusion. Right? Like at some point, your brain doesn't like this mismatch between

01:07:20.510 --> 01:07:40.280
what you say you are and what you're actually doing. And so my argument is to let the behaviour lead the way. To start by meditating for one minute or doing one push up or writing one sentence and letting that be undeniable proof that in that moment you were a meditator or an athlete or a writer or whatever it is. And, ultimately,

01:07:40.680 --> 01:07:45.640
I think this is the real value that habits provide, which is they reinforce your desired identity.

01:07:45.720 --> 01:07:50.440
Boy, this is so good, brother. So good. I don't know why I'm just meeting you now because our

01:07:50.895 --> 01:07:55.295
our overall belief system about change is is so very, very similar.

01:07:55.455 --> 01:07:56.335
And,

01:07:56.655 --> 01:08:01.295
you know, I wanna we're gonna talk about how to actually begin to establish habits. But before we do that,

01:08:01.695 --> 01:08:12.090
I wanna talk about the concept of establishing one because you said something about the one push up. Reading or listening to something you're talking about about the guy who would go to the gym for just five minutes and work out and leave.

01:08:12.330 --> 01:08:33.295
And you said something about this casting the vote for who you wanna be or who you're going to be. That was powerful. Right? But you're saying before a habit can be and I don't wanna quote you incorrectly, but I want you to elaborate on it. Because this is profound to me. I mean, it's obvious, but if you if you don't step back and get away from it and look at it, you just really don't realize the truth of it. Before a habit can be improved,

01:08:33.860 --> 01:08:35.780
it has to actually be established.

01:08:35.860 --> 01:08:39.220
Mhmm. And I think what happens is you tell me what you think.

01:08:39.860 --> 01:08:54.575
Beginning of the year, I'm gonna lose 50 pounds. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna eat five minutes. It's I'm gonna I'm gonna starve myself to 500 calories. So it's not a 1% improvement, or I wanna get up earlier. I'm gonna get up two hours earlier starting tomorrow instead of get up fifteen minutes earlier.

01:08:54.815 --> 01:08:55.615
Right?

01:08:55.695 --> 01:08:57.695
Get up get up a minute earlier.

01:08:57.855 --> 01:09:03.375
So talk about it from a just the the concept for one to just they can take control of their life right now

01:09:03.710 --> 01:09:05.310
by just the establishment

01:09:05.310 --> 01:09:06.510
of a habit.

01:09:06.990 --> 01:09:08.830
Right or or right?

01:09:09.870 --> 01:09:11.550
Yeah. Definitely right. I

01:09:12.190 --> 01:09:30.075
so one of the concepts I talk about in the book is this one of the strategies is this idea of what I call the two minute rule where I encourage people to build a habit that takes two minutes or less to do. So you take whatever you're trying to do, read 30 books a year, becomes read one page, or do yoga four days a week, becomes take out my yoga mat.

01:09:30.730 --> 01:09:44.170
And sometimes when I mention that idea, people resist it a little bit because they're like, okay, buddy. You know, I know the real goal isn't just to take my yoga mat out. I know I'm actually trying to do the workout. So if this is some kind of mental trick, then, like, why would I fall for it, basically? Well,

01:09:45.935 --> 01:09:55.135
I tell the story of of this guy, Mitch, that you mentioned. This guy who I met I talk about him in Atomic Habits. He went to the gym. He's lost over a 100 pounds, kept it off for more than a decade.

01:09:55.695 --> 01:10:06.330
And when he first started going to the gym, he wouldn't stay for five longer than five minutes. He had this little rule. He had to leave after five minutes. So he'd get in the car, drive to the gym, get out, do half an exercise,

01:10:06.410 --> 01:10:07.930
get back in the car, drive home.

01:10:08.250 --> 01:10:23.945
And it sounds ridiculous. Right? It sounds silly. You're like, obviously, he's not gonna get the guy the results that he wants. But if you take a step back, you realize that he was mastering the art of showing up. Right? He was becoming the type of person that went to the gym four days a week even if it was only for five minutes.

01:10:24.425 --> 01:10:48.645
And this gets us to that deeper truth about habits that you just mentioned, this idea that a habit must be established before it can be improved. It has to become the standard in your life before you can optimize it and scale it up into something more. And, you know, I don't know why we do this. Like, we get very all or nothing about our habits. We're like, we're so focused on finding the perfect business idea or the best workout program or the ideal diet plan

01:10:48.885 --> 01:10:53.445
that we spend all our time theorizing and researching and looking for a better way.

01:10:54.485 --> 01:10:55.045
And

01:10:55.520 --> 01:11:06.640
instead, if we could just master the art of showing up, even if in the beginning it was less than what you had hoped to do, you're establishing a foothold. You're building some small progress that you can advance off of.

01:11:06.880 --> 01:11:12.615
And it reminds me of Ed Latimore has that great quote where he says, the heaviest weight at the gym is the front door.

01:11:13.175 --> 01:11:30.210
And, man, there are a lot of things in life that are like that. You know? Like, the the hardest part is getting started. The hardest part is establishing the routine even if it's a lower level baseline than what you ultimately hope to achieve. But the reality is if you can't become the type of person who masters the art of showing up, even if it's just for five minutes,

01:11:30.530 --> 01:11:44.845
then it doesn't matter how good the plan is. It doesn't matter how great your theory is. And so I think the two minute rule pushes back on that perfectionist tendency a little bit and just encourages you to master the art of showing up. So good. I'm right. Just finished writing a book called One More.

01:11:45.165 --> 01:11:55.300
And I get asked that sometimes too. And one of the things that I I wasn't thinking about it from this perspective when I wrote it, but you become the kind of person that says, look. I'm gonna do it's my bench press. I'm gonna do 10.

01:11:55.620 --> 01:12:09.635
You do one more. You do 11. I even say, if you're riding the riding the treadmill for forty five minutes, you can build that habit of, okay. I'm going one more minute. I do 46. What's the difference in that minute? Well, you stack up that minute over a year, there's a difference, but also your identity begins to changes.

01:12:09.875 --> 01:12:13.795
And I'm not telling you go from forty five minutes to three hours on a treadmill.

01:12:13.875 --> 01:12:16.835
So the actually, as I was doing this, I wasn't thinking of it from this perspective.

01:12:17.490 --> 01:12:22.850
But now that I'm thinking about it, it actually our work is sort of converging, you know, almost in the exact same space.

01:12:23.090 --> 01:12:25.330
I'm kind of obsessed with death.

01:12:26.530 --> 01:12:32.050
Right? And Oh, yeah. And I know you are too. Like, I you said you used to fear it more than you do, but, I

01:12:33.015 --> 01:12:43.095
I am obsessed with it. When I say obsessed with it, like, I think about it a lot, but it actually gives me a lot of peace. So I was with my dad when he took his last breath. It was literally right there with my dad.

01:12:43.415 --> 01:12:45.095
And it, like, dawned on me

01:12:45.740 --> 01:12:57.820
when he did it. And after he passed away, my mom and my sis we had to wait for the hearse to come. It was, an hour and a half. My mom and dad don't my my sister and my mom my sisters, they don't wanna be in the room with

01:12:58.345 --> 01:13:00.025
So I'm in there with my dad alone.

01:13:00.505 --> 01:13:08.265
Just me and my dad. Right? And, like I'm sorry. I just can only imagine me going, hey. You faking it? You all you I literally

01:13:08.425 --> 01:13:15.610
would it sound I'm gonna be real with you. Like, your their body twitches and stuff. I'm like, a couple times, like, he's back. Right? And even when he was passing,

01:13:16.010 --> 01:13:29.525
like, their heart rate will go to nothing and it's gone, and you're like, they think he's gone, and then it comes back. So there there is a little element of that. It's Fuck. It's a really deep thing, and it's like I'm glad I know that now. Yeah. You should know that in advance. Everybody should know that in advance. Anyway, at some point, that stopped.

01:13:29.845 --> 01:13:30.885
And we were there,

01:13:31.445 --> 01:13:32.965
and it dawned on me, like,

01:13:33.365 --> 01:13:46.910
you know, you start running memories of your dad, of your life. Mhmm. Right? Like, this is the most important man in my life of my entire life is my dad. You're the most important in Georgia and Ilas. Right? Like, there's no other man that'll ever be that important. Their husband will be, but there's something with a dad.

01:13:47.470 --> 01:13:54.430
And so I'm just thinking of memories of my dad and, you know, different things. And then as you look around the room, like pictures of our family, there's some of my dad's awards are there.

01:13:54.990 --> 01:14:11.940
And it just dawned on me, like, at some point, I realized, actually, my dad's not here. Like, his body's there, but my dad's gone. Whatever you wanna call it, in my case, it's a soul. I know we're being serious here. I'm being serious. Their spirit, their life force, whatever. In my belief, in my faith, it's his soul. He's gone.

01:14:12.580 --> 01:14:17.620
So I'm like, it just dawned on me, man. Like, my dad is in his body,

01:14:18.260 --> 01:14:18.900
and then

01:14:19.380 --> 01:14:24.020
what what could my what who was my dad? My dad's not his body, so he's this energy, this life force.

01:14:24.845 --> 01:14:26.605
And he when my dad died,

01:14:26.925 --> 01:14:32.285
in the room he was in was his body. He wasn't that. Was all of his awards.

01:14:32.845 --> 01:14:35.805
He wasn't any of his accumulations. We were in his actual house.

01:14:36.490 --> 01:14:46.650
He didn't get to take his house with him. His car was in the driveway. He didn't get to take his car with him. When my dad died, he had worries and fears and anxieties and problems. He didn't take those with him.

01:14:47.050 --> 01:14:55.465
So you can't take any of that crap with you. Like, physically, my dad was gone. So he's not his house. He's on his cars. He's on his awards. He's not his worries. He's not his fears. He's done any of those things.

01:14:56.185 --> 01:14:57.305
What did he leave?

01:14:57.705 --> 01:15:00.345
What did he leave? My dad left two things.

01:15:00.985 --> 01:15:02.345
My dad left us.

01:15:02.985 --> 01:15:14.050
He left us. He left his family. He left the lessons we learned, the memories we had, all that other stuff, and then he left all the other people that he helped. My dad helped, like, several thousand people go get sober and blah blah blah. In your case,

01:15:14.770 --> 01:15:19.810
just remember this. Like, you can't take all this shit with you anyway, but you get to leave all the people you made laugh,

01:15:20.385 --> 01:15:32.145
all the lives you changed. And I'm being very serious with you. Millions and millions of people you brought joy to, maybe it's just for a freaking hour of their life. They're like, man, that night with Bert, I saw I was there that night at Red Rocks.

01:15:32.225 --> 01:15:40.720
Right? That one night with you, they remember that the rest of their life. You get to leave that here. You get to leave Isla. You get to leave Georgia. You get to leave Leanne.

01:15:40.960 --> 01:16:12.960
Like, those are the things that matter. And the reason that that's so powerful for me is when I walk out and there's 30,000 people, I'm not on the anxiety that I normally have. Yeah. Because I'm gonna be gone anyway. I don't get to take the but I get to take away all the difference I make for those human beings when I speak. So I really value you, bro. Like Thank you. I really value you. But I don't know if that helps you or not, but, like, for me, it's like some of this stuff we get caught up in all the time, like, it's you can't take any of this stuff with you. No. Does that make sense? I'm just watching your face Yeah. Yeah. No. I'm I'm it it it leaves an impact because you think

01:16:14.160 --> 01:16:16.000
you think of all the

01:16:16.485 --> 01:16:37.420
all the things you've put out, like, think of Jimmy Buffett. Mhmm. And I still get his joy. Yes. Like, he left it, and I love Jimmy Buffett. Or or Jerry Garcia. Mhmm. I still get their joy. Like, I still get to listen to off the Do you know what a blessing it is that you have what you have? I kind of do. That sounds really crazy, but I kind of I have in the moment on stage thought,

01:16:37.740 --> 01:16:38.860
this is really cool.

01:16:39.420 --> 01:16:42.940
Uh, you get to take people out of their memory, out of their out of their thoughts for a second,

01:16:43.180 --> 01:16:48.835
and you get to get them to be present and laugh. And if and I've said this before. If if I can leave anything,

01:16:48.915 --> 01:16:53.395
I would my my legacy, I would love for it. Uh, I'll get emotional. I

01:16:58.915 --> 01:17:01.360
get emotional thinking about this. Maybe

01:17:01.920 --> 01:17:05.040
just a couple times if people when I'm gone,

01:17:08.560 --> 01:17:09.920
people just go like,

01:17:11.040 --> 01:17:22.525
man, it'd be so much cooler if Burt was here. Like, god, we'd have so much fun. Like, wouldn't it be great if Burt was here and he just walked in with a bottle of champagne and and a crazy story? Or, like, I just, like

01:17:23.725 --> 01:17:24.445
Mhmm.

01:17:26.525 --> 01:17:29.300
I mean, I don't need to cure anything, but, like,

01:17:30.180 --> 01:17:31.780
just for people to go, like,

01:17:33.540 --> 01:17:41.835
come in. I wish he was here. That was that would be so fun. Like, just and I don't need it to be the world. Just like Yeah. Like a solid 100 people to

01:17:41.835 --> 01:17:46.555
just be like, man, can you imagine if Bert was here? Like, that that energy,

01:17:47.275 --> 01:17:52.955
I think it's what it it that energy is what defines me. It's what I've always wanted and searched for as a kid

01:17:53.355 --> 01:17:54.155
is

01:17:54.395 --> 01:17:55.195
is

01:17:56.170 --> 01:17:57.530
I I wanted

01:18:00.490 --> 01:18:04.570
I wanted people, like, miss me. And, like, I noticed that, like,

01:18:05.210 --> 01:18:08.170
at a certain point, like, if I left the room,

01:18:08.410 --> 01:18:09.290
no one cared.

01:18:09.945 --> 01:18:14.825
And if I wasn't there, no one was like, where's Bert? I feel like I'm I feel like I'm just

01:18:16.265 --> 01:18:17.065
building

01:18:17.145 --> 01:18:20.345
to hopefully get it to the place where people go like, god, man.

01:18:21.065 --> 01:18:22.905
You know, can I wouldn't it be cool

01:18:23.530 --> 01:18:27.450
if Bert was here? I I know my daughters will say that, but that's

01:18:27.450 --> 01:18:33.610
it. Just like on a Sunday morning when when someone opens a bottle of champagne and goes like, fuck. Bert

01:18:34.890 --> 01:18:35.770
would have brought a joint.

01:18:39.935 --> 01:18:45.535
Bro, you've said three or four things today, like, in the history of the show or, like, my favorite things ever said.

01:18:45.855 --> 01:19:08.495
Oh. And the reason there's a bunch of people crying with you, one, they want that too, and some people are sitting there going, I wonder if anybody would miss And you were born to do something great with your life, everybody. Doesn't mean you're gonna be in millions of people, but someone ought to miss you. There ought to be a difference you've made. And if right now, if this was the last day of your life, the final chapter, you go, I don't know who would miss me. That's an indicator you need to make some changes, an indicator you need to pursue your dreams.

01:19:08.895 --> 01:19:10.415
That was like, bro, like,

01:19:11.135 --> 01:19:31.880
had no idea where we were gonna go today, and I'm so grateful that we went where we went. So glad I'm so happy you asked me to do this. Bro, like, honestly, like, come back every couple years, and let's just sit down and figure out where you're at. Plus, I wanna and please take care of yourself. Like, we would miss you. Like, we don't want you to leave sooner than you need to leave here. If I asked you this question, because I think a lot of people hear feedback

01:19:32.440 --> 01:19:33.480
as criticism.

01:19:33.720 --> 01:19:48.560
So when people That's a fucking powerful statement. Yeah. Do you How do hear it? When you hear that from people, you've got this number you had a movie that killed it. You got your your this dude fills up anywhere he wants right now, and he can do it multiple days. Bert does. You're making a ton of money.

01:19:49.040 --> 01:19:50.320
Podcaster crushing.

01:19:50.640 --> 01:19:58.640
You know, your your life is really, really good right now. There's probably a party that's like, hey. If this is you know, do you know who you're dealing with here? Like, I'm pretty functional. So do you hear

01:19:59.200 --> 01:20:04.495
feedback even from dudes who love you as criticism? Because most people, that's how they hear it. Yeah.

01:20:04.735 --> 01:20:18.570
Yeah. And what stinks is that when I was at my my lowest, and my lowest was these past probably seven months starting in January. I did a European tour, then I did an arena tour in The States, and then I promoted the special.

01:20:18.730 --> 01:20:20.970
I then went to an Australian tour,

01:20:21.370 --> 01:20:30.305
uh, in arenas, and then I did, uh, another arena tour, promoted my movie. I did my fully loaded tour, was six weeks, I think, this year,

01:20:30.545 --> 01:20:44.590
then did the cruise and build the cruise was right before that, but I was at my lowest, and and everyone noticed. And I will say that I got emails from I got texts from everyone. One of them was Tom's agent. I just apologized to him the other night. He texted me,

01:20:44.990 --> 01:20:47.550
I'm worried about you, whatever, this and that. And I was like, whatever.

01:20:48.110 --> 01:21:11.870
Ran into him at dinner in New York with Tom. And I said to him, hey, man. You're not my boy. You're not my wife. Go fuck yourself. If you if you wanna be in my life, sit down and have a drink with me, but I don't even wanna hear a word out of your fucking mouth. You don't spend time with me. You don't know what my life's like. I don't wanna hear a fucking word. I said that to Steve Byrne. I said that to Tom. I said that to Joe. I said that to I said that to fucking everybody. Because at the time, what I was like

01:21:14.670 --> 01:21:27.515
it it when someone's concerned about you, you don't hear it that way. You don't hear Mhmm. You you hear them saying I'm better than you in some way, or I I got my shit together. You need to get your shit together. I don't know what you hear, but I did not hear it well. And

01:21:28.555 --> 01:21:35.915
and it wasn't until I realized, oh, they're just it was my daughters who said they were worried about me. My daughters, when they went on tour with us, were fully loaded.

01:21:37.100 --> 01:21:39.340
We we had it was extremely

01:21:39.340 --> 01:21:40.060
stressful.

01:21:40.540 --> 01:21:49.500
I had a a stalker trying to kill me. It was, like, really bad. Yeah. It was really bad. And and and and all and and by the way, I got all this is just

01:21:50.205 --> 01:21:53.485
it's bubbling over. It really is. And and and

01:21:54.205 --> 01:22:02.845
my both my daughters at the end of Fully Loaded, granted Fully Loaded is with the 32 best comics in the world. Every week, it's the New 10 comics. It's my best friends,

01:22:03.450 --> 01:22:04.730
funniest people in the world,

01:22:05.050 --> 01:22:07.930
and we're cracking beers at at at this at breakfast.

01:22:08.010 --> 01:22:28.455
We're eating mushrooms. We're smoking weed. We're drinking at the show. We get on a tour bus. We party at night. You're going It's fucking fun as fucking shit. Mhmm. I'm two seventy five, but I'm not three hundred pounds. So, like and I'm benching two twenty five ten times. I'm strong as shit. I feel good. I don't feel like shit. I feel like shit probably, if we're gonna be very honest.

01:22:28.775 --> 01:22:30.295
And my daughters both said, like,

01:22:31.820 --> 01:22:39.660
like, at the gorge, I killed, like, four beers at the end of the show. Last show, I killed four beers, and one of them was an IPA. Mhmm. And I snapped.

01:22:39.820 --> 01:22:49.955
I was like, who the fuck gave me an IPA, like, to kill? It was my daughter, Georgia. Oh god. She was sorry. I don't drink. I don't know what a Bud Light looks like. Bless her heart. Yeah. And then and

01:22:50.355 --> 01:22:54.275
and we're all sitting, and we got home, and Ayla said,

01:22:55.155 --> 01:23:11.440
you're you're drinking a lot. And I was like, really? And and my sister's like, you look like I wanna put a needle in you and just watch you deflate. You look bad. Georgia said, you're red all the time. Like, your face is just red. Now my face is normally red because I have a horrible I was out in the sun in Florida as a kid, but

01:23:12.335 --> 01:23:14.015
and that's when I kinda took

01:23:15.375 --> 01:23:16.815
like, I assessed

01:23:17.055 --> 01:23:32.930
where I was, and I was like, I was never meant to be two seventy five. I was never meant drinking now is to getting me getting me through the day. And it's and when when I say that, I wasn't like an early morning, I need drinks kinda guy. Mhmm. But it was just always there. And we'd be like,

01:23:33.730 --> 01:23:36.130
fuck it. Mhmm. Let's have let's have a

01:23:37.010 --> 01:23:42.209
let's just do a double Tito's and soda just to start, and everyone's fun. And

01:23:42.770 --> 01:24:06.110
and when my daughters and my wife said it, I was like, alright. And then I was just like, I'll do a cleanse, drop 15 pounds, start all over. And then at the end, I was I went to my cardiologist, and I was I was trained for it. I, like, didn't drink, took a going in, get my blood pressure down. My cardiologist is like, yo. What's going on? He's like, you're the fattest you've ever been, and your blood pressure is one twenty over over 80. I don't believe this. Right.

01:24:06.350 --> 01:24:08.910
And, uh, and that's when I think I started

01:24:09.155 --> 01:24:20.275
I started this journey of, like, going if I wanna continue my lifestyle, which I do, then I need to be in control of my lifestyle. And and I I ran into a guy I was in in Austin,

01:24:20.835 --> 01:24:22.355
and I ran into a guy who was like,

01:24:23.350 --> 01:24:32.230
you're not as fat as the Internet says. And I was like, He's like, oh, there's a Reddit thread about, like, an over under on when you die. And and by the way,

01:24:32.950 --> 01:24:47.705
that death thing is very real. Mhmm. You don't it's not gonna show up. There's not gonna be, like, huge things that show up before you die. That's right. Just one day, you have a heart attack. Yep. One day, you are pushing it too hard. Yep. And and Do have a fear of that?

01:24:48.985 --> 01:24:56.620
Not as much not drinking. Okay. Not as much not drinking. So the decision for you long term is just gonna be this. Can you moderate

01:24:56.780 --> 01:25:15.465
moderate it, and can you regulate it? And that's what you're gonna have to decide. Alright. Welcome back to the show, everybody. My guest today is somebody whose work I have been a fan of for years, and I have wanted to meet him. One One of the great things about this show is I've met most of the people whose work has made the biggest impact on my life. And I gotta tell you, this man's at the top of my list.

01:25:16.105 --> 01:25:25.720
His work hits you right between the eyes, and I would categorize it as brilliant. I just think the way he phrases things and comes right at you with truth

01:25:26.120 --> 01:25:30.760
is very unique, and it's he's also been on the list of most requested guests for quite a while.

01:25:31.555 --> 01:25:35.555
The book that first impacted me was un f yourself. I'll give you the clean version.

01:25:35.795 --> 01:25:46.595
And the book that he has out right now is grow up becoming the parent your kids deserve. And as I read this book, it wasn't just really about being a parent. It was actually really about being a human being, which makes you a better parent.

01:25:47.210 --> 01:26:19.490
So that if you're not a parent and you're listening to this, trust me, every minute of this will apply to you. And if you are a parent, there'll just be an added bonus because this man's work will impact how you're raising your children. Gary, John Bishop, welcome to the show, brother. Ed, it's been great to be with you. Thank you, brother. It's good to have you too. So I wanna get I read your stuff, and, like, I'm like, I gotta read that again. Crap. It's like, it hits you. Right? And I wanna start out kind of because this leads to the parenting thing. Even though I I think the vast majority of it just applies to being human and not just being a parent, being a functional

01:26:19.650 --> 01:26:20.370
person.

01:26:20.530 --> 01:26:24.770
You said you live your adult life either as a reflection of your childhood

01:26:25.170 --> 01:26:37.415
or in reaction to it. Just think that's really a great place to start. What do you mean when you say that? I know what it means for me. But are we all sort of acting out of some place from our childhood every single day even to this day?

01:26:38.375 --> 01:26:43.590
Yeah. I mean, if you if you were to look in any area of your life that doesn't work,

01:26:44.150 --> 01:26:47.430
there is some echo from your childhood playing out there.

01:26:47.750 --> 01:26:49.350
And it's not always obvious,

01:26:49.830 --> 01:26:53.830
uh, because, you know, your childhood is isn't necessarily

01:26:53.830 --> 01:26:57.015
what you remember. It's a lot of what you forget.

01:26:57.655 --> 01:26:59.895
And so you're shaped by it in ways

01:27:00.295 --> 01:27:08.055
that are when you start to dig into it, become really surprising it. And I think that's I think that's the fascinating part of it, at least for me.

01:27:08.930 --> 01:27:14.930
How'd that play out for you? I mean, I know you talked about this situation in the book. It struck me. I think you were four years old,

01:27:15.730 --> 01:27:21.250
and the fact that you remember this is compelling to me. But I think your parents were fighting. You're trying to get them to stop.

01:27:21.730 --> 01:27:24.450
And once you take it from there, I think this is just a good example of that.

01:27:26.025 --> 01:27:29.865
Well, I think, you know, like, if if you ask your average person,

01:27:30.425 --> 01:27:37.065
tell me every moment of your life, they can't tell you. But they'll tell you some interest and bets.

01:27:37.890 --> 01:27:51.490
But, you know, for years and years, I you know, I used to I used to kinda grind away at me, like, why why do people remember that part and not all those other parts? And it wasn't until I started to get more deeper into my own development

01:27:52.225 --> 01:27:56.305
that I that I started to see them like little milestones or incidents.

01:27:56.625 --> 01:27:57.345
And

01:27:57.665 --> 01:28:01.665
and so that that incident as a four year old was fascinating

01:28:01.665 --> 01:28:03.425
to me. Like, I remember

01:28:03.585 --> 01:28:04.625
the feeling.

01:28:04.705 --> 01:28:07.505
I remember that experience, and in the book I describe it.

01:28:08.110 --> 01:28:27.275
And the feeling for me in that moment was I had no power. I had no I couldn't change it. I was so I was overcome with this and you gotta get for the little four year old, this is like wild, right? But my experience in that moment was like I'm I'm weak. I can't I can't do it. I couldn't stop them from arguing or flighting.

01:28:27.675 --> 01:28:29.195
And that

01:28:29.515 --> 01:28:36.800
that that moment isn't just a moment for a child. It's like a it's like a sea change

01:28:37.120 --> 01:28:42.240
and their experience for themselves. I'd never experienced myself that way before. It was new.

01:28:42.960 --> 01:28:43.600
And

01:28:43.840 --> 01:28:58.905
and then so those little things just sink into the background and they become what you call ontological decisions. They become decisions that you've made now that you're gonna have to now handle because they they sink into the background and basically become

01:28:59.305 --> 01:29:00.345
your truth,

01:29:00.585 --> 01:29:03.625
if you like. And that was certainly one of mine.

01:29:04.470 --> 01:29:11.190
That notion of your truth. That's why, by the way, we said, whether you have children or not, this is about being a functioning human to me.

01:29:11.750 --> 01:29:15.350
I I've never read someone's work, I don't think, Gary, where

01:29:15.750 --> 01:29:21.925
the way you said it, I wanna write down and remember it. Like, I I find myself wanting to quote you more than most people,

01:29:22.485 --> 01:29:30.965
and here's something you said about that very thing on the past. This will rock a lot of you. And by the way, I agree with you after I read the book. You said,

01:29:31.525 --> 01:29:33.285
the past wins one way or the other.

01:29:34.030 --> 01:29:39.550
And then you went on to say at another point, you say, you are not shaped by the past itself.

01:29:40.510 --> 01:29:42.590
You're shaped by what you said about it.

01:29:42.990 --> 01:29:44.270
Meaning, to some extent,

01:29:44.590 --> 01:29:50.495
this past thing is a little bit of an illusion to some extent. Am I right about that? Because I totally,

01:29:50.895 --> 01:29:51.855
completely,

01:29:52.255 --> 01:29:55.695
in my fifties now, realized the profound truth in that.

01:29:56.895 --> 01:29:57.935
Right. So,

01:29:59.810 --> 01:30:08.050
like like, this is why this is why this book had to be written. Mhmm. Like, I I couldn't put my head on the pillow for another night with getting

01:30:08.050 --> 01:30:18.964
this book out there. Mhmm. Because I keep hearing all this stuff about generational chains and, you know, parents are, I'm gonna break a generational chain. And I'm like, you are the generational chain. Everything

01:30:19.605 --> 01:30:23.125
that falls out of your mouth, you are the generational

01:30:23.125 --> 01:30:23.765
chain.

01:30:24.085 --> 01:30:30.450
And if you wanna break anything, it starts with you. And so I wanted to people to see what what we're trying to break

01:30:30.850 --> 01:30:34.210
with generational chains, if you like, is circumstances.

01:30:34.210 --> 01:30:41.775
So we're looking back at old circumstances gone. Those circumstances are not gonna happen again. Mhmm. What we fail to see

01:30:42.255 --> 01:30:57.070
is the mechanism that runs underneath those circumstances from that generation to this generation to the next generation. So you don't you're not working on the chain, you're working on the oil. You know? You're Wow. You're making no effort at the chain.

01:30:57.310 --> 01:30:59.790
The chain itself continues because,

01:31:00.270 --> 01:31:03.870
like, if you go back to that example I used in the book when I was four years old,

01:31:04.270 --> 01:31:05.950
my parents had no sense

01:31:06.635 --> 01:31:08.875
that that's what was going on in my head.

01:31:09.355 --> 01:31:15.435
Mhmm. And I had no sense at four years old that I was making a life changing decision because you

01:31:15.755 --> 01:31:26.000
don't you don't we don't relate to ourselves at four that way. I'm playing with toys, and I'm having a good time, and I'm, you know, doing all the things that a four year old would do. But in that moment, that experience,

01:31:26.400 --> 01:31:30.160
boom. It hit me like a wall. And so

01:31:30.400 --> 01:31:36.775
as parents, this is what I wanted people to get from this book. Like you said, whether you're a parent or not, you have to know that there's

01:31:37.495 --> 01:31:40.535
that that you had experiences in your childhood

01:31:40.695 --> 01:31:43.975
that you attached to various incidents,

01:31:44.375 --> 01:31:53.200
and you live like it's about the incidents and it's not. It's about the experience that came out of it. It's the ontologic decision. It's whatever you decided,

01:31:53.520 --> 01:31:55.840
whatever you changed in that moment

01:31:56.400 --> 01:31:59.920
that that compounded and lives on with you as an adult.

01:32:00.160 --> 01:32:12.175
Mhmm. So so, you know, we've got our eye on all the all the wrong things and I wanted people to start to see you, like, you have to look at your life, your childhood, your parents' life, their childhood. And if you have children,

01:32:12.815 --> 01:32:20.620
maybe you'll get a little insight onto what's actually going on with them no matter how hard you think you might be trying to guide them another way.

01:32:21.180 --> 01:32:39.485
I told you everybody. I'm telling you. His work hits you. He by the way, the way he writes too, he doesn't let you escape you. Every time you try to escape you, this guy's pulling you back to you, and I love that. It's like there's just no BS to this. And so I wanna stay right on this incident, this incident when you were four in this absolute

01:32:40.445 --> 01:32:52.780
truth that you're talking about. I always say it's not the events of our life that define us. It's the meaning we attach to the event. And one of the difficult things when we're a child is we don't have the emotional makeup or experiences

01:32:52.780 --> 01:33:00.015
to attach we're not really choosing our meaning when when we're capable. We're choosing the meaning when we're incapable.

01:33:00.335 --> 01:33:18.600
And so do you then recommend somebody question their past? I know that you do, but I'm gonna let you answer it. Do they question the past, And then are you having them evaluate an incident and then try to attach a new meaning to it so that they they behave differently in the current moment because they attach a different meaning to an event?

01:33:19.320 --> 01:33:22.120
Well well, what I'd like people to see is that

01:33:23.015 --> 01:33:23.575
your

01:33:23.895 --> 01:33:24.775
mechanism

01:33:24.775 --> 01:33:25.415
for

01:33:25.575 --> 01:33:26.775
for adding

01:33:26.935 --> 01:33:28.215
to a situation

01:33:28.455 --> 01:33:34.135
exists to this day. K? So it still exists. What's a mechanism mean to you? What do you mean by mechanism?

01:33:34.295 --> 01:33:45.180
So it's like your automatic wiring. Got it. Your default is Heidegger, the German philosopher, he would have called it your default ways of being. Okay. The ways that you are by default.

01:33:45.740 --> 01:33:51.260
And, you know, you people don't wake up in the morning and decide to be themselves. They wake up and that self

01:33:51.260 --> 01:34:01.075
is there. Yes. Right? And it's and it's a set self. It's not a it's not a malleable self. It's like this this me that I am.

01:34:01.555 --> 01:34:09.980
Now now when if you if you hang around little ones long enough, especially like that age group like two, three, four, there's no real

01:34:10.380 --> 01:34:14.060
self there. It's just like this big expression.

01:34:14.060 --> 01:34:23.565
Right? There's no there's no set way, but anybody who's a parent will tell you they literally watch their children become set.

01:34:23.645 --> 01:34:37.190
Right? They literally watch them, like, the age of seven, age of 12, age of 14, age and then suddenly they're just like that way and they're always that way. They were always and and they're always that way as a compensation

01:34:37.750 --> 01:34:41.030
to whatever they felt they had to overcome.

01:34:41.110 --> 01:34:42.230
That's

01:34:42.230 --> 01:34:44.550
why it's so testing, by the way, because,

01:34:44.950 --> 01:34:47.430
you know, like, people can get through really

01:34:47.815 --> 01:34:50.295
really turbulent times in their childhood

01:34:50.535 --> 01:35:00.935
and come out with a whole different thing Mhmm. Than somebody who went through a very similar experience. They come out with a whole different thing. Why? Because they don't come out of the experience.

01:35:01.830 --> 01:35:03.510
What they come out with

01:35:03.750 --> 01:35:07.510
is whatever they told themselves about it. Wow. So

01:35:08.070 --> 01:35:11.030
And it becomes so tightly intertwined

01:35:11.190 --> 01:35:15.665
that whatever I told myself about it and the incident,

01:35:16.145 --> 01:35:21.265
there's no distinction between those two for me as a human being. They're the same thing.

01:35:21.825 --> 01:35:25.105
Right? So again, for instance, that moment,

01:35:25.585 --> 01:35:28.385
I'm four years old, I'm watching my parents argue,

01:35:28.465 --> 01:35:29.265
it's about me.

01:35:29.880 --> 01:35:38.040
I'm not observing that like this is about them. I'm observing that like this is about me. Like, I I can't some some self

01:35:38.040 --> 01:35:39.000
determination

01:35:39.000 --> 01:35:40.120
in that moment.

01:35:40.520 --> 01:35:44.440
What I want people to understand is if they look back in their own childhood,

01:35:45.415 --> 01:36:02.650
what do you think those were just random moments and nothing came out of it? No. You're the living embodiment of what you decided in those moments. And by the way, when you make that kind of decision, that's why those memories are so fresh, so clear. That rest of your life is about those little memories getting reactivated,

01:36:02.650 --> 01:36:06.330
those same emotions coming up and getting applied to situations.

01:36:06.890 --> 01:36:15.245
As I like to say, you know, people live their lives in little vignettes of fighting the same battle over and over and over, and then they die.

01:36:15.805 --> 01:36:17.485
Gary, you're, um,

01:36:17.805 --> 01:36:19.165
you're on to

01:36:20.045 --> 01:36:30.650
such profound work here. As a friend, as a brother, I wanna I wanna encourage you to continue to dig deeper into this and that there's other book. I'm serious. I I've done some work in this myself and started to write about it,

01:36:30.970 --> 01:36:31.610
and you're

01:36:32.330 --> 01:36:33.450
this is new,

01:36:33.610 --> 01:36:35.210
and this is profound. And

01:36:35.895 --> 01:36:38.135
we'll talk about those three stages in a second.

01:36:38.455 --> 01:36:49.495
But it's why, by the way, a child can have the same exact two parents? One child takes different meanings from the situations they were raised in, and and they have two totally different lives. I'm I'm raised by an alcoholic father,

01:36:50.250 --> 01:36:54.010
and, uh, it ends up that all four of us turned out pretty darn okay.

01:36:54.250 --> 01:37:02.169
But, usually, you'll see one of the children goes on to be a high performer, the other one ends up being an alcoholic themselves. Same exact environment, same situations,

01:37:02.490 --> 01:37:03.850
different meanings were attached.

01:37:04.485 --> 01:37:18.005
And then Right. That that notion that you just said, brother, about that you're fighting the same battle over and over again with different circumstances, but the same battle. Listen to what he says in the book. I tell you guys, I don't ever quote books and interviews, Gary. I don't do this. But I want you to hear what he said here.

01:37:19.000 --> 01:37:31.960
Every day of your life I wrote this down for me, bro, not for the interview. This is stuff for me, but I'm gonna have it in the interview. Every day of your life, you find evidence for and then confirm in your crevices of your mind, quote, you.

01:37:32.725 --> 01:37:39.045
You talk like you, walk like you, think like you, and react like you. Every single day,

01:37:39.365 --> 01:37:46.725
you are justifying you. And one of the main ways you do it by is by reaching back into your memories to satiate that beast.

01:37:47.270 --> 01:37:49.590
Therefore, the past isn't just the past

01:37:49.830 --> 01:37:54.550
as evidence for you being the character that you've become to this day. The past wins one way or the other.

01:37:55.190 --> 01:38:00.230
Brother, are you serious? That is so good. I just want you to elaborate on that a little bit.

01:38:00.950 --> 01:38:05.505
Well well, you know, look. When I say people are being in self indulgent,

01:38:05.505 --> 01:38:07.345
right, it sounds kinda narcissistic,

01:38:07.345 --> 01:38:16.065
which is another word that I just can't stand. But anyway Mhmm. But it sounds like it's just, you know, like self indulgent. What I mean is we indulge

01:38:16.065 --> 01:38:16.465
self.

01:38:17.030 --> 01:38:20.390
That is we get up every day and we respond

01:38:20.390 --> 01:38:22.070
to what it wants.

01:38:22.390 --> 01:38:24.070
Right? So we respond

01:38:24.070 --> 01:38:25.670
to its upsets,

01:38:25.670 --> 01:38:26.870
and we respond

01:38:27.110 --> 01:38:31.670
to its desires, and we respond to its, quote, unquote, needs.

01:38:32.375 --> 01:38:41.975
So it's like it's it's I really invite people to get like who you are is more like a venue for something to show up.

01:38:42.135 --> 01:38:45.975
And what shows up every day are the same noises

01:38:46.260 --> 01:38:52.499
and you just go along with it. You finally see that you're the venue in which all of this is happening.

01:38:52.820 --> 01:38:58.820
And and with with a little bit of like a shift, like just a little shift in the way you think,

01:38:59.635 --> 01:39:00.595
you

01:39:00.595 --> 01:39:02.675
could get a little bit more observant

01:39:02.675 --> 01:39:09.315
of that self, actually see what it wants to do and understand it in those terms. And I look at it more like

01:39:09.875 --> 01:39:12.595
like it's just something I gotta be responsible

01:39:12.595 --> 01:39:17.950
for rather than something I'm fighting against. Like, either it's gonna talk or I'm gonna talk.

01:39:18.270 --> 01:39:19.230
And,

01:39:19.470 --> 01:39:22.430
you know, I've heard all the shit that it wants to say. You know?

01:39:23.230 --> 01:39:39.615
Bored by it now. You know? Stay on that. I, uh, man, bro. I I gotta tell you, it's one one of these conversations I'll remember a long time. I often say and if you don't mean it this way, correct me and say it your way. I often say just the awareness of the pattern of me being me,

01:39:40.300 --> 01:39:51.500
it loses a lot of its power over me when I'm just in awareness. Oh, I'm doing that thing again. I'm doing me again. I'm doing that thing I do. And what you said is then that former you, the way you just said that,

01:39:52.140 --> 01:40:11.230
is not the voice that I can now choose the new voice. Is that what you mean by just being stepping back and getting above yourself a little bit and going, oh, I'm doing that thing I do again. I'm being me again. That awareness allows you to then make a conscious choice as to how to behave or change rather than to keep responding unconsciously.

01:40:12.430 --> 01:40:20.135
Right. So so awareness isn't a stage that you arrive at. Right? Awareness is a constantly unfolding

01:40:20.135 --> 01:40:21.015
phenomenon.

01:40:21.015 --> 01:40:23.415
Like, as you're as you're going through a day

01:40:23.735 --> 01:40:33.740
Mhmm. You get aware of one default response and shift in that moment. You I mean, I really believe it's not believe this. I really want people to get this. In that moment,

01:40:33.980 --> 01:40:40.460
that shift that you make, you have literally changed the trajectory of your life in a moment. Right? Now

01:40:40.460 --> 01:40:46.300
because your life would have kept going along that path and you just were like, nope, we're not doing that. Right? So

01:40:46.695 --> 01:40:52.855
imagine being someone who manages having to catch yourself a handful of times a day,

01:40:53.735 --> 01:40:57.415
just catching yourself about to go in a direction that you know you typically do,

01:40:57.975 --> 01:41:03.690
and you're like, you know what? Not today. I'm not doing that. No. When I wrote my first book,

01:41:04.570 --> 01:41:11.450
that was a nine month, ten month process of catching myself 30 times a day because

01:41:11.850 --> 01:41:28.135
the self that I am had no interest in writing that book Mhmm. And had zero interest in you reading it because, you know, I'd be open to scrutiny and judgment and ridicule and la la la la la. Mhmm. So the kind of self that I had become

01:41:28.360 --> 01:41:30.920
was gonna make that a long process

01:41:31.320 --> 01:41:34.920
that eventually I would give up on and just say it's not worthwhile,

01:41:35.160 --> 01:41:42.040
and I would tell myself some nonsense. Like, I'm gonna go in another direction. I see something else I think would be more powerful than writing a book.

01:41:42.865 --> 01:41:46.305
And and all I did in that process was just catch,

01:41:46.305 --> 01:41:53.505
catch, catch, catch. Nope. Not today, I'm gonna write. Nope. Not today, I'm gonna write. And and

01:41:53.585 --> 01:41:57.745
and and I wouldn't call it necessarily a struggle, but it was definitely like,

01:41:58.590 --> 01:42:02.350
it was the first time I feel as if I'd really exercised that muscle

01:42:02.670 --> 01:42:04.590
in producing something

01:42:04.590 --> 01:42:06.430
that went beyond

01:42:06.910 --> 01:42:07.630
buy wiring.