WEBVTT

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The quality of your life is based on the quality of the questions you ask.

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The questions you ask make you conscious of what you've been unconscious of.

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So it helps you expand awareness.

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You we run our illusions till we're ready for the truth.

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Truth kinda sets us free from the stories.

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Today, I'm sitting down with doctor John D Martini.

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He's a world renowned author, coach, speaker, and somebody you're gonna want to listen to. We use the stories because of all the moral hypocrisies we get indoctrinated about how people are supposed to be instead of seeing how magnificent they are in the journey.

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What you're about to watch is a live in person coaching session and it gets really uncomfortable, but we have major breakthroughs. Just know that any of the stories that you've had in your life, I I I went through this, I had this, and I challenged childhood and all that stuff, it's all bullshit. It's your perceptions, decisions, and actions on how to interpret it. You can be a victim of history or a master of destiny. It all depends on your perception.

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Out of respect for the individuals who participated in the conversation because it got really raw and real, we've elected to blur out their faces to protect their identity.

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This story begins,

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um, a little over a year ago, probably two years ago. I'm having dinner with a couple of friends, new friends, Tim Francis and a guy named Rohan.

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And they're both telling me about this remarkable person, separate stories, and I don't know the names of anybody just yet, except for I know what Tim said to me, which is if you could attend one workshop in your life, just one, this is the one that you have to meet, this man. He has an incredible way of helping people through

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some very tough, challenging, traumatic things in their lives. And I was really intrigued. And then the other story was the gentleman across the table from me, and name is Rohan. He was telling me about how he had, in the last couple of years, gone through some really traumatic stuff. His father died.

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His business partner stole money from him and stole the business, and then Meta Facebook canceled his accounts, which he had close to a million followers. He was devastated.

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And he was having a hard time, and he called his coach. And he was telling this whole story. I'm like, this is remarkable. This is incredible.

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Tim Francis just texted me. He says, do you know Rohan? When he was telling me that story, do you know who his coach was? I'm like, I don't know. I have no idea who his coach could be. He said, doctor John Demartini.

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Small world. So he's helped a lot of people through lots of things. He has something called the Demartini Method, obviously,

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and it helps people through some of their toughest roadblocks. And I'm hoping rather than just me extending the interview is that first, can just describe it so everybody here knows what's going on. And if there is somebody who has something they'd like help with for for doctor DeMartini to demonstrate, we can work on it together and see, hopefully,

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just the genius behind all of this. And I just wanna be a student here and listen and learn.

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The quality of your life is based on the quality of the questions you ask.

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The questions you ask make you conscious of what you've been unconscious of,

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so it helps you expand awareness.

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And the method, which I've been working on for fifty two years,

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is a series of very concise questions

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that help

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you discover the hidden order in the apparent chaos,

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the disorder.

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Claude Shannon

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in information theory

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basically said that information that's missing

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is in tropic and represents disorder.

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And if you reclaim the information, you can find the hidden order in things and why things are occurring, the meaning behind it.

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So it's a very series of concise questions to help navigate

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people from

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emotional distractions

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to

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poison presence

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so they can be grateful for their life instead of

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comparing it to an unrealistic expectation that they projected.

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And I've

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been blessed to use that

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and develop that for many years,

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and

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we've helped people in all different types of situations.

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I make a statement that there's nothing your mortal body can experience that your mortal soul can't love.

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So it doesn't matter what you've been through, what you've gone through, what you've experienced,

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it's your perceptions, decisions, and actions on how to interpret it. You can be a victim of history or a master of destiny. It all depends on your perception.

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William James said the greatest discovery of his generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their perceptions and attitudes of mind.

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So this is a science,

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a reproducible science

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that I've trained

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probably

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probably eight or 9,000 people in using, and they're using it around the world

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to assist people in navigating through

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the apparent chaos

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so they can look at life on the way, not in the way.

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Okay. You guys get that?

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Every word is a lot to unpack here, and that's how I felt last time

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when we were having our conversation. Just be quiet and listen and

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stay silent for as long as you can. Said listening to you is like drinking from a fire hydrant.

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So how do we do this in the time that we have together? Because I know you have a heart out to be mindful of that. Is how do we do this so that we can get a taste of how this process works? Because I think

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I'm 100% bought in on this idea. The quality of questions you ask determines quality for life. When you start to ask questions, you start to look inward and understand, like, why you can overcome these things, and the perception of what has happened to you can drastically

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alter your destiny or where you end up. How do we do this? Because I just wanna give you your space. You do your thing, and I just wanna sit here and only chime in when necessary. That's great. Well, usually, we start with somebody that's got something they wanna work on. Okay.

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Sometimes I'm in a conference, and I'll ask people, does anybody have anything that they wanna work on?

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Challenges, conflicts,

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resentments, angers, grief, or anything, whatever it is that they have,

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and

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whatever area of life that they want. And then we usually people vote based on who has the most intriguing information or issue that they wanna work on, and we go there. We start there. And I I think there is something about

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the risk of being vulnerable if you want to get a reward. I remember many years ago when I was talking to my business coach about seeing a therapist, he said, if you're not going to tell the truth, don't even bother. Don't even bother. And so I went in there with the mindset, like, I hold back, I'm holding back for myself.

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So we can start with any kind of challenge, roadblock,

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anything traumatic, frustration,

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something that you've

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been trying to work through but haven't been able to. And we'll pass you the mic. I think the mic mic is working this time. Does anybody wanna start? And and, by the way, depending on what that is,

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sometimes I'm not using the Demartini Method to help solve it. So it depends on what it is. If it's if it's a conflict, if a resentment

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or an infatuation

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or a loss or something like that, I may use the method. Other times, I may use my work with the value applications.

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So if people are frustrated in their job, that may be a slightly different approach. Maybe combination.

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Okay. Perfect. I'm glad you said that in case it goes whatever direction it goes. Depends on what you're bringing. So what we're doing is in case that you're just joining us, we want you to volunteer anything that you need help with, and then we'll we'll just quickly vote on, like, who we'd like to who has the most intriguing problem for doctor DiMartini to put his brain on.

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Whenever

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there are multiple

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stories,

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narratives,

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I try to prioritize it.

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So narrow it down.

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We'll do like, I'm not gonna do them all. We're gonna narrow down what is the highest priority

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issue out of all of those things that you narrowed.

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What is the highest priority issue that you wanna address?

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The

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the

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the fear of being someone's gonna come at me if I if if I shine too bright.

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Okay. When you say coming at me, what does that

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mean to you?

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What does that conjure up? By the way, you can never have fear of the unknown.

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You can only have fear of the content your mind is imagining.

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Mhmm.

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So what is your mind imagining when you have that confronting you?

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That someone is going to

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defame me, is going to,

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um,

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undermine me, go out of their way to destroy what I've built. It's it's already happened.

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Okay. And out of all the ones that have happened that this is reminding you of, because the future is anticipated,

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but the things that are real that you've experienced,

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which one of those is the highest priority thing that you remember that was most painful?

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Um,

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I had a friend who was well, there's many, but the most the one that was really devastating is a friend of mine was jealous of my success, so she undermined my marriage and then What specifically did she do? Because undermining marriage is What

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did she do that you projected

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she undermined my marriage?

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She betrayed

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a confidence,

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and I wasn't ready to tell my husband something.

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And she So something you shared with her Yes. She shared with your husband Yes. Which you felt started to undermine the dynamic? Yes. Okay. Even though you were obviously sharing with her, there were some things in the dynamic that were concerning anyway? Yes. So she was revealing something you unconsciously desired?

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I was

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You wouldn't have said it to her. Okay. I'm gonna I'm gonna be so transparent.

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I had an affair,

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and I felt really bad about it. And I

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I was I was talking to her about how I should go about, you know, telling my husband

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and because she was

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jealous of the relationship

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and she had tried to

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She wanted him. She no. She tried to seduce the person I had the affair with and because she was rejected,

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she

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Went to bring you down? Yes. Right. And she did it pub very publicly. Her name is?

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Deborah.

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Deborah. Mhmm. Okay. So now I'm gonna start.

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Here goes the method. Thanks for doing this, by the way.

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Let's take Deborah as the individual we're going to do the work on because I can just do so much in such a short time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What

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specific

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trait,

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action, or inaction

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do you perceive Deborah did

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that you disliked and despised and resented most? Let's narrow it down so it's not a narrative. It's a specific act that she did that you judged.

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She literally said to me, it's not fair that you have the life that you have, and I don't have what you have.

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So

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that didn't you made a claim that it undermined your marriage,

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so that by itself would not undermine your marriage. No. So what did are you upset because of that, or are you upset because of what she said to your husband? She told him that I was which one is the one you're rescinding?

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Probably that one that she told him. Okay. So let's get to that. Okay. Because otherwise, you're just doing narrative. People love to share their narratives, but narratives

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don't get you anywhere. Mhmm.

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Really. Even though therapists like you to think so, they're slow. I'm not interested. I'm interested in narrowing down what the issue is. Yeah. So what specific

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did you actually perceive her, or was it hearsay that she told your husband?

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He told me she told him. So it's hearsay.

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Somebody told you that she told him. Yeah.

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But you didn't actually perceive it.

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When you say perceive it, what do you mean? Didn't actually see her do this. No. No. No. No. No. No. So we don't even know for a fact other than what your husband said that that's what happened.

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Okay. So your husband claimed that she said

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the story,

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which is evidence,

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but you never saw her do it. I never saw her specifically or heard her do it. No. So you did not have anger at her until you found out that she

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he made a statement?

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Yes. And other people. But yes. Mhmm. So other people told you that she had said that? Other people told me that she had bragged to them that this is what she was going to do, and then yeah. Okay. So are you upset with the idea that she bragged about what she was gonna do? The idea that your husband stated that she said it?

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I think it was the

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that she would she was bragging about publicly taking me down.

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Okay.

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So your the the highest priority thing that you judged in her was that she bragged

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about taking you down,

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and

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we have hearsay that she confronted and told your husband. Correct.

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Okay.

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Let's work with that one for a second. Because it sometimes we have a convoluted

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series of things and we have to kinda narrow down what the issue is. I love your questions. And sometimes it's it's, uh, hearsay. Mhmm. And I don't like working with hearsay. I like working with something factual that you perceive so we have something tangible.

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Now the roughest part.

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There's a quote in Romans two one from the New Testament that whatever we judge in others,

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we're doing the same thing. Interesting.

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So let's define what she did again. She bragged about taking you down

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and then told your husband.

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Mhmm. Told somebody that that something you didn't want her to tell.

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So now let's go to a moment in your life

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where you bragged about taking somebody down and told somebody

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exactly what you're seeing in her,

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find out where it is. Now I've done this on

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about a 150,000

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people.

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And every time people say, I can't think of any. Don't know. I don't know. None of that works with me. We're gonna be accountable here in order we get a result. So let's not think of where we I don't know. I can't remember. I think out where we've done it. Because we only judge people on the outside Mhmm. That we resent for representations of parts of ourselves that we're ashamed of in ourselves. That we don't wanna look at. Yeah. So let's go. Go to a moment where and when you perceive yourself

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displaying or demonstrating the same behavior

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where you

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bragged about taking somebody down and negating them and because of jealousy, and you actually

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told somebody to try to undermine them?

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The the earliest one I can think of and the only one I can think of is is my mother.

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Okay. And it's the same behavior?

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It's gotta be the same action.

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I did it. I took her down publicly.

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Okay. Because the only reason somebody is drawn into your life Mhmm. Is because we have a shame inside. We dissociate from it. We get proud, try to

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judge other people for what we're actually hiding inside, and we don't wanna face that. We've done that, and we're still carrying a hurt and a shame about doing that to the mom. Yeah.

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So and you

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said what about your mom publicly that undermined and got back to her? I don't remember what I said specifically.

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It was just there was a group of people in every shame without their memory of it.

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I was just making fun of her.

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About?

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Um,

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I don't remember

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what I said.

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What did she do that you wanted to make shame of her

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or not do?

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That she made she made a mistake.

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Of?

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Probably a lie she told.

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Okay. So she made a lie in your mind,

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and you didn't like the repercussions of that, and you were trying to bring her down and humbled her. Yeah. K. Because go to the moment when you did that.

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Mhmm. You there? Mhmm. When you actually said the thing?

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Mhmm.

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Okay. Where were you at that moment? I was in Chicago in our apartment, and there was a group of people and a man

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told me to stop.

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Okay. And when

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when was this?

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I was probably about

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20 years old, 1920.

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Okay. The reason I'm asking those is, uh, the amygdala,

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which is a subcortical nuclei in the brain, assigned valency

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to

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stimuli and experiences that we have,

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and it assigns valency to the hippocampus,

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which is a little seahorse shaped structure,

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and it is the source or storage place of episodic memories that have a time, a place, a direction, a lay a location, and a distance.

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So if I narrow it down, I go into the hippocampus, and I access that memory.

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And and that's where we're storing shame or we're storing our own stuff.

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So you're there at that moment? Mhmm. And who specifically did you tell?

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There were about four people there. So you then and I was entertaining them with this story. Okay. And did your mom know any of these people?

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Yes.

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So then you you said things behind her back No. In front of her. In front of her, okay, that she felt humbled by.

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And you kinda did that because she had lied, and so you did it as kind of a Payback. Payback. Okay.

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So in that moment, can you see you did the same thing as this lady did? Yes. Great.

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Now

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and they all perceived you did this and your mom? Yeah.

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K. Great.

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Go to the next moment

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where and when you've done the same behavior again. Oh,

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this is icky.

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Um,

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I was working.

00:18:20.485 --> 00:18:25.125
I was I don't wanna say where, uh, but I was working in a corporate situation,

00:18:25.765 --> 00:18:26.405
and

00:18:28.245 --> 00:18:29.765
somebody had

00:18:33.940 --> 00:18:35.620
sexually harassed me

00:18:36.100 --> 00:18:36.900
and

00:18:37.620 --> 00:18:40.340
there was this opportunity for me to

00:18:42.420 --> 00:18:43.380
Disclose?

00:18:43.860 --> 00:18:44.580
No.

00:18:44.660 --> 00:18:45.300
No,

00:18:46.100 --> 00:18:48.095
No. I

00:18:48.335 --> 00:18:51.535
did disclose it to my boss. I went through the proper channels.

00:18:51.855 --> 00:18:54.815
And then when this guy got promoted, he demoted me.

00:18:55.295 --> 00:18:56.655
So, um,

00:18:56.815 --> 00:18:58.495
there was new management that came in.

00:18:59.270 --> 00:19:09.990
And I don't need the story. I just need the I'm trying just trying to People like to want them to run their stories as a dodging mechanism. I just want the answer I ask. Go to the moment where and when you did it again,

00:19:10.310 --> 00:19:16.605
and where did you do exactly that? Try to bring somebody down and say something to somebody

00:19:17.325 --> 00:19:18.925
to try to undermine them,

00:19:19.405 --> 00:19:22.045
somebody that could get back and affect their life?

00:19:23.885 --> 00:19:27.805
I guess it was a situation where he was being berated by

00:19:28.070 --> 00:19:29.030
our boss,

00:19:29.430 --> 00:19:32.150
and I I took glee in that.

00:19:33.430 --> 00:19:39.670
So that's not the act that's the question I'm asking. Okay. Where did you do what this lady had done to you?

00:19:41.195 --> 00:19:42.715
Said things behind

00:19:43.035 --> 00:19:44.075
to somebody

00:19:44.875 --> 00:19:46.395
and tried to bring you down.

00:19:46.795 --> 00:19:49.595
Where did you do that? You tried to bring him down?

00:19:51.755 --> 00:19:59.860
No. I was just somebody else did, but I was I I talked about how he had it coming. So I don't know if that's the same thing. Who did you say that to?

00:20:00.980 --> 00:20:01.860
My team.

00:20:02.580 --> 00:20:04.340
So you spoke to the team

00:20:04.580 --> 00:20:11.475
and kinda let them know some of these things as a way of kinda diminishing him Mhmm. And these are people that knew him

00:20:12.115 --> 00:20:14.115
Yes. Or knew of him? Yes.

00:20:14.435 --> 00:20:18.515
So in that case, did you do the same thing that lady did in that moment?

00:20:19.395 --> 00:20:24.595
It's not exactly the same. Well, yes, I did. I took glee in some

00:20:24.890 --> 00:20:29.530
bring somebody down and to go behind and say things about them. Yes. Yes. Mhmm. So is that the same?

00:20:30.490 --> 00:20:36.650
I think so. Maybe not the same magnitude, but the same. Yeah. It's not yeah. Great. That's number two. Go to number three.

00:20:39.975 --> 00:20:44.855
When you're when you're owning reflections, this is called reflective awareness and transparency.

00:20:45.255 --> 00:20:46.055
We usually

00:20:46.295 --> 00:20:50.695
go all the way for till 20 examples are done until there's an absolute certainty

00:20:51.350 --> 00:20:53.830
that what you perceive in them, you have.

00:20:54.390 --> 00:20:57.350
Because as long as you're too proud to admit what you see in them,

00:20:57.750 --> 00:21:04.870
you're gonna self righteously project your values onto them and condemn them and hide your own shame and cover it up with pride.

00:21:05.285 --> 00:21:10.565
And the amygdala likes to hold on to pride and hold on to fantasies about how people are supposed to live in our values.

00:21:10.885 --> 00:21:17.125
So that's why I'm gonna go go again. Because whatever you perceive this person doing, you've done to the same degree.

00:21:17.780 --> 00:21:26.980
And I've been doing that for about forty one years and never had anybody that couldn't find it if they just kept looking. So let's go to number three. Okay. And now they're coming.

00:21:27.620 --> 00:21:29.140
That's right. They're there.

00:21:29.620 --> 00:21:32.900
That's why we keep attracting whatever we condemn. Okay.

00:21:34.245 --> 00:21:36.405
Yeah. The next situation, I was

00:21:36.965 --> 00:21:39.285
I was a board chairperson,

00:21:39.285 --> 00:21:40.645
and this person had

00:21:41.525 --> 00:21:43.125
been disrespectful.

00:21:43.845 --> 00:21:44.805
And so

00:21:45.045 --> 00:21:52.910
I interested in where you did it. I know. Read the narrative and story. Okay. Sorry. I just need to know where you did it. I made sure that that everyone

00:21:52.910 --> 00:21:54.270
on the committee knew

00:21:54.830 --> 00:22:02.990
what this person had done prior. And you wanted to do that to kinda bring them down from their pride and arrogance and put up Yeah. And

00:22:03.635 --> 00:22:06.115
you told people that you know could affect them.

00:22:06.515 --> 00:22:07.155
Yes.

00:22:07.395 --> 00:22:11.475
So you did that's the third example of where you've done that? Yeah. Let's go to four.

00:22:12.115 --> 00:22:25.290
Well, these are all different time. I'm zig zagging. One at a time. No. But I'm just saying it doesn't matter if they're chronological. Right? Doesn't matter where it is. But just one at a time. Just think of one because you think of 15 of them, you can't you won't process one. Just one. Probably

00:22:27.370 --> 00:22:30.010
when my Not probably. Oh, okay. When

00:22:31.610 --> 00:22:33.050
my stepfather was arrested.

00:22:36.465 --> 00:22:39.745
Okay. You don't want the story. Okay. So he was a doctor.

00:22:40.065 --> 00:22:48.145
I don't need the story. I just need to know what where you did something and said something to bring somebody down and went behind their back or told people

00:22:48.810 --> 00:22:52.570
that could affect them? I don't think this one counts because it was so public.

00:22:53.290 --> 00:22:54.330
It was public?

00:22:54.810 --> 00:23:00.570
Yeah. It was on the news and everything. So Yeah. But where did you tell somebody that led to

00:23:01.375 --> 00:23:03.695
bring it to try to bring somebody down

00:23:04.015 --> 00:23:08.495
and people found out about it? If it went public, then that's even a bigger issue.

00:23:08.735 --> 00:23:13.295
No. This doesn't apply. Sorry. You understand the line of questioning from doctor DeMartini.

00:23:13.295 --> 00:23:19.610
Right? Yes. He's asking you for actions that you took where you Well, you did the same thing this lady did to you. I guess I just

00:23:19.850 --> 00:23:27.210
told people what he did and how how it And did some of that get back to people that could affect him?

00:23:29.155 --> 00:23:33.475
I don't know. I I honestly don't know. Did he get to the police that could affect him?

00:23:33.795 --> 00:23:36.595
What? Did he get to the police that affected him?

00:23:37.555 --> 00:23:39.955
No. They he had already been arrested. Okay.

00:23:40.750 --> 00:23:44.670
So did you do were you attempting to bring him and lower him

00:23:45.150 --> 00:23:46.430
and expose him?

00:23:47.150 --> 00:23:57.485
Um, I think to some because he got away with something? No. He didn't get away with it. No. But you thought he had gone away got away with something. He was trying to get away with it. And were you trying to bring that down?

00:23:57.725 --> 00:23:58.765
I

00:24:00.685 --> 00:24:03.325
think that to undermine any

00:24:04.125 --> 00:24:18.040
attempt for him to redeem himself and because he was making excuses, yes. Okay. Were you doing the same thing the lady was you thought the lady was doing to you? Yes. K. We got four. One more. Oh. Just because of time. You got it. Okay.

00:24:18.440 --> 00:24:21.000
You're lucky we're not going to 20. Oh my god.

00:24:21.975 --> 00:24:25.175
Probably my last yeah. Probably. Okay.

00:24:25.495 --> 00:24:31.495
Go to a moment where you did the same behavior she did again. Another moment in your life where you've done that,

00:24:31.815 --> 00:24:34.695
where you've attempted to, you were partly jealous,

00:24:35.240 --> 00:24:37.560
you want to bring the person down,

00:24:37.800 --> 00:24:43.400
you felt that it was unfair, so you want to bring them down and you exposed and said things about them behind

00:24:44.520 --> 00:24:45.800
that affected them.

00:24:46.600 --> 00:24:48.840
Um, it was a former partner,

00:24:49.480 --> 00:24:49.720
and

00:24:51.485 --> 00:24:52.205
I

00:24:53.085 --> 00:24:55.405
said some things to some people who

00:24:55.485 --> 00:24:57.565
would have been able to

00:24:58.845 --> 00:25:01.325
affect whether he got rehired

00:25:01.325 --> 00:25:03.565
in in the sitch situation.

00:25:03.885 --> 00:25:05.085
Okay. And in that moment,

00:25:05.960 --> 00:25:15.880
you can see who you shared it with. You can remember where it was and when it was. You there? Mhmm. So in those five examples, would you acknowledge that those five examples are

00:25:16.040 --> 00:25:19.640
different variations but of the same thing? Yep. K. Fantastic.

00:25:20.315 --> 00:25:26.315
I'll I may come back to those, but just because of time Mhmm. I'm gonna go on to my second little question.

00:25:27.275 --> 00:25:29.755
Go to the moment where and when

00:25:30.235 --> 00:25:31.595
you perceived

00:25:32.475 --> 00:25:33.515
that she

00:25:33.675 --> 00:25:35.035
did this behavior

00:25:35.750 --> 00:25:40.950
and tried to undermine you and tried to do something, go to the moment when you first perceived it.

00:25:42.150 --> 00:25:45.350
The actual moment you perceived she did that and you were angry.

00:25:47.750 --> 00:25:48.150
Okay.

00:25:48.585 --> 00:25:56.745
Is this when he told you and spoke to you? Mhmm. So go to the moment when he began to speak about it, and now you resented her for exposing something you said

00:25:56.985 --> 00:26:03.385
even though you didn't see her do it. You had some evidence from him. Go to the moment you felt resentful to her at that moment,

00:26:06.140 --> 00:26:07.660
and let me know when you're there.

00:26:09.420 --> 00:26:11.660
The moment your husband's speaking up about it,

00:26:12.540 --> 00:26:14.220
and now you're aware that she did.

00:26:14.940 --> 00:26:18.940
Okay. I'm there. You're there? Great. Mhmm. How did that benefit you at that moment?

00:26:21.995 --> 00:26:24.235
You have spiritual benefits,

00:26:24.235 --> 00:26:25.675
intellectual benefits,

00:26:25.755 --> 00:26:29.915
business benefits, financial benefits, family, social, physical.

00:26:30.955 --> 00:26:32.475
How did it benefit you

00:26:32.635 --> 00:26:33.515
in your

00:26:33.915 --> 00:26:34.395
career?

00:26:36.670 --> 00:26:38.350
It didn't. Mhmm.

00:26:38.670 --> 00:26:51.230
I don't ask questions. I don't have answers. Oh. How did it help you in your career? Everything has both advantages and disadvantages. If you choose to see the disadvantage, you become a victim of history. You look at the advantages so how did it benefit you in your career?

00:26:54.235 --> 00:27:00.875
You were somehow unfulfilled in the relationship. Yeah. I I was able to come out from behind his shadow. Say that.

00:27:01.675 --> 00:27:11.370
Say that because you're gonna have a tear when you say it. Say it. I was able to come out from behind his shadow. Say it again. I was able to come out from behind his shadow. Okay.

00:27:11.690 --> 00:27:13.770
And you had been sitting in his shadow,

00:27:14.250 --> 00:27:15.690
and you wanted out of his shadow,

00:27:16.490 --> 00:27:21.195
and you were not and that's when you had the fling, you had somebody that was giving you acknowledgment.

00:27:21.755 --> 00:27:23.675
Yeah. And you were living in a shadow

00:27:25.035 --> 00:27:29.675
instead of on the shoulders and equals. It made me visible when I felt invisible. Exactly.

00:27:30.155 --> 00:27:31.115
Okay. So

00:27:32.020 --> 00:27:36.020
you were unfulfilled. That's why you were looking for somebody to try to bring in fulfillment.

00:27:36.260 --> 00:27:45.860
Anything you're not willing to do with your mate, you gotta be willing to delegate. If the man's not doing something that's fulfilling your needs, then you'll find somebody else to fill those needs. Pretty normal. Mhmm. So

00:27:46.565 --> 00:27:48.805
you got out from under their shadow.

00:27:49.285 --> 00:27:50.805
And how did that help your career?

00:27:53.765 --> 00:27:56.325
Repositioned yourself with your power? Yeah.

00:27:57.445 --> 00:27:59.765
Can you see you were hoping for that and wanting that? Mhmm.

00:28:00.530 --> 00:28:07.490
So can you see that the lady actually catalyzed you to be able to go and do what you wanna do? Yeah. Did you ever give her a percentage of the income that you earned

00:28:08.370 --> 00:28:10.450
No. As a as a consultant?

00:28:12.450 --> 00:28:12.930
No.

00:28:14.285 --> 00:28:16.685
K. How did they help you intellectually?

00:28:16.685 --> 00:28:24.525
What did you learn as a result of him speaking up, saying that? What did you learn that was valuable in your life?

00:28:26.890 --> 00:28:32.490
I learned to that it wasn't my job to sacrifice for somebody else's happiness.

00:28:33.050 --> 00:28:34.090
Okay. So

00:28:34.490 --> 00:28:44.655
anytime you infatuate with somebody and put them on a pedestal, you'll minimize yourself and inject some of their values into your life and try to live in their values, which is futile. Mhmm. It's non sustainable futility.

00:28:45.455 --> 00:28:48.655
And you had some infatuation with a man initially, apparently.

00:28:49.135 --> 00:28:49.775
So

00:28:50.335 --> 00:28:52.815
you learned that lesson. What's that worth?

00:28:54.590 --> 00:28:55.310
Oh.

00:28:55.710 --> 00:28:58.030
Put a dollar value on that. Oh my god.

00:28:59.470 --> 00:29:01.630
At least a couple million.

00:29:02.030 --> 00:29:08.830
Okay. But you never gave any of that to the girl, the lady that helped catalyze that freedom and that lesson? No.

00:29:09.355 --> 00:29:09.995
Okay.

00:29:10.235 --> 00:29:14.955
Because somehow we don't see that people are not in in our way. They're actually on our way,

00:29:15.355 --> 00:29:16.315
their actions.

00:29:16.635 --> 00:29:19.515
How did it help you actually financially?

00:29:22.180 --> 00:29:24.820
When he's go back to the moment when he said what he said,

00:29:25.060 --> 00:29:27.380
and it led to the relationship

00:29:27.380 --> 00:29:28.420
breaking down,

00:29:28.820 --> 00:29:30.900
which is actually a liberty to you,

00:29:32.420 --> 00:29:33.940
but we don't always wanna admit that.

00:29:34.705 --> 00:29:39.345
And, um, how did that actually help you financially and put some real dollars on that?

00:29:41.585 --> 00:29:43.985
Well, in the settlement, I got money.

00:29:44.305 --> 00:29:46.065
Okay. And did you invest that?

00:29:47.040 --> 00:29:47.680
Yes.

00:29:47.920 --> 00:29:50.320
And is that giving you compound in passive income?

00:29:50.640 --> 00:29:57.360
It was no longer, but yeah. It did. So you then chose to use it and put it into a house or something? Yes. K.

00:29:58.400 --> 00:30:00.080
A lifestyle instead of investment.

00:30:01.705 --> 00:30:05.145
Well, it was a home. Yeah. Yeah. But a lifestyle.

00:30:05.785 --> 00:30:13.065
Yeah. That's not just an investment. Passive income is an investment. A lifestyle is a house. Yes. So that was your choice. But, actually, the money,

00:30:13.720 --> 00:30:17.000
which was an amount, could have been put into assets.

00:30:17.720 --> 00:30:21.400
Well, I did I did some of that too. Yeah. I put it in my kid's college.

00:30:21.720 --> 00:30:22.440
Yeah.

00:30:22.760 --> 00:30:26.520
Just I'll come back to this. Okay. So it helped you financially because you got a house,

00:30:27.845 --> 00:30:29.685
and you had a desire for a house.

00:30:30.485 --> 00:30:47.780
Did you have a desire to have a house? Well, I wanted to live somewhere. Yeah. Okay. Mean, but I did want house. Renting and investing the difference, you you chose to have a house. Did you want a house? Yes. So did she help catalyze you getting your own house? Yes. And do you now design it and organize it the way you want Yes. Instead of his

00:30:48.660 --> 00:30:50.420
or yours together?

00:30:50.820 --> 00:30:51.220
Yes.

00:30:52.235 --> 00:30:55.035
So you got financial remuneration.

00:30:55.755 --> 00:31:00.315
You got liberated intellectually on some things about not subordinating to other people,

00:31:00.635 --> 00:31:02.955
which is a basic reclaiming of your own power.

00:31:03.515 --> 00:31:04.795
And you also got

00:31:05.390 --> 00:31:06.910
catalyst into

00:31:07.310 --> 00:31:15.230
drive driven back into your career? Mhmm. And did you go more into your career with more gusto? Yes. And did that give you some advantages in your career?

00:31:15.630 --> 00:31:16.270
Yes.

00:31:16.670 --> 00:31:21.515
But you didn't thank her for that? No. Okay. And how did it help you in social circles?

00:31:24.715 --> 00:31:28.315
Did it screen out people that were not really engaged in your your

00:31:28.555 --> 00:31:29.675
long term mission?

00:31:31.450 --> 00:31:37.290
Yes. And did did you then prioritize and select people that were more in more in line with your mission? Yes.

00:31:37.850 --> 00:31:40.010
So didn't you you were living in the shadows

00:31:40.090 --> 00:31:45.695
through those other people, through your husband, and now you've shed those Yes. That you thought were friends? Yes.

00:31:45.775 --> 00:31:56.815
That were friends to him? And I didn't thank her for that either. No. But now you're now selective with people that are more engaged in what you're up to Yes. And understand your mission? Yes. What's that worth?

00:31:57.375 --> 00:31:58.095
Oh my god.

00:31:59.570 --> 00:32:00.450
A life.

00:32:01.170 --> 00:32:06.930
So she's helped you have your life back, your finances back, the house if you want, your career engagement,

00:32:07.330 --> 00:32:07.890
and

00:32:08.850 --> 00:32:12.450
you've learned a great deal about not living in subordination to anybody else.

00:32:13.085 --> 00:32:17.485
Correct. Nobody's worth putting on pedestals or pits, but they're worth putting in hearts.

00:32:18.045 --> 00:32:20.845
So now let's go and look at how did it help you physically.

00:32:22.285 --> 00:32:23.805
I got in great shape.

00:32:24.125 --> 00:32:27.005
Did you get workout Yeah. Back on the back on the market?

00:32:28.400 --> 00:32:36.080
Well, not right away, but yes. Well, but you went back into shape because you know that fitness is and looks is one of the key elements for

00:32:36.320 --> 00:32:43.120
dynamics. Well, it's my self image. You know? Okay. So then you got to develop your self image so we can add that as another benefit? Yes.

00:32:44.035 --> 00:32:46.995
So you got a self image out of it. You got back in shape.

00:32:47.155 --> 00:32:49.075
You got some cash flow out of it.

00:32:49.475 --> 00:32:51.235
Got a house. Mhmm.

00:32:51.555 --> 00:32:54.995
Um, how did it help your family? Your you have children.

00:32:55.315 --> 00:32:56.675
Yeah. How did it help the children?

00:32:59.630 --> 00:33:09.070
You know that doesn't work with me. I know. How did it help the children? That's

00:33:09.070 --> 00:33:12.830
what I feel guilty about, my daughter. I'm gonna dissolve that. How did it help the children?

00:33:13.455 --> 00:33:19.615
You only feel guilty when you assume you did an act that caused more pain and pleasure to somebody in the future

00:33:20.335 --> 00:33:24.655
from the in the past, pardon me. If you see the benefits to them, that's gone.

00:33:26.350 --> 00:33:26.990
So,

00:33:27.310 --> 00:33:31.230
otherwise, you'll sacrifice and subordinate to her pleasing her. Right.

00:33:31.630 --> 00:33:35.070
What you're doing? I was more present and probably

00:33:35.230 --> 00:33:36.430
not probably.

00:33:36.590 --> 00:33:45.585
I was more present. I was a better parent. Say that again. I was more present and a better parent. Okay. So then this lady, by her saying what she did,

00:33:45.985 --> 00:33:48.625
helped you in the dynamic with your children

00:33:48.945 --> 00:33:50.785
Yes. Be more present. Yes.

00:33:51.825 --> 00:33:55.425
What's another benefit to your children? Do you have two children? One? Um, well,

00:33:56.460 --> 00:33:58.860
one from that marriage. One from that marriage.

00:33:59.100 --> 00:34:07.420
So that's when you're addressing. How else did it help her? To her. Right? Mhmm. How else did it help her when this lady did that? Yeah.

00:34:07.660 --> 00:34:12.965
Um, I think because of the different moving around that we did, she blossomed as

00:34:13.205 --> 00:34:18.405
So your daughter got to blossom. Mhmm. She became more independent probably. Mhmm.

00:34:18.645 --> 00:34:21.365
And you got to be more of a present with her. Mhmm.

00:34:22.085 --> 00:34:24.885
So what did you think you did that was guilt generating?

00:34:26.740 --> 00:34:28.340
You didn't see the benefits?

00:34:28.580 --> 00:34:35.300
That should you know, her father wasn't in the same house. When the father wasn't there, who became the new father figure?

00:34:36.420 --> 00:34:39.735
Nothing's ever missing. It just changes form. So

00:34:39.735 --> 00:34:41.335
who became the new father figure?

00:34:41.655 --> 00:34:48.615
Mentors, coaches, best friends, older men? Yep. What's the benefit of them becoming the father figure instead of him?

00:34:49.735 --> 00:34:51.175
They were more present for her.

00:34:53.040 --> 00:34:59.360
So by you by what happened, this lady catalyzed it so she could do it. Now when your

00:34:59.920 --> 00:35:00.960
husband left,

00:35:01.440 --> 00:35:02.480
did he leave,

00:35:02.720 --> 00:35:04.560
or did you leave? I left. Okay. You left.

00:35:05.675 --> 00:35:08.075
Who became the new woman in his life

00:35:09.995 --> 00:35:14.155
that he starts to train again? A new one that he gets to train. Um,

00:35:14.875 --> 00:35:29.710
how specific do you want me to be? There's a series? What? Is there a series of them? No. It's somebody who almost has my same name and looked like me. He's now in the next training program. He's teaching the next training program, and she's gonna learn the lesson and get to grow some more too.

00:35:33.315 --> 00:35:34.435
So what

00:35:34.675 --> 00:35:35.075
what's

00:35:35.635 --> 00:35:38.675
how did it help you in your spiritual path?

00:35:41.235 --> 00:35:48.230
Having this lady go back it's it's gotta go back to the lady No. I know. Understand that. She's saying. How did it help you spiritually in your spiritual awareness?

00:35:48.710 --> 00:35:49.830
Whatever whatever

00:35:49.910 --> 00:35:55.510
inspires you is your spiritual path. What exactly how did it help unfold an inspiration for you?

00:35:59.055 --> 00:36:01.375
Bigger vision, new possibilities,

00:36:01.375 --> 00:36:03.215
new New possibilities,

00:36:03.695 --> 00:36:05.215
seeing myself

00:36:05.295 --> 00:36:12.335
as a whole Say that. Seeing myself as a whole being. Say that again. Seeing myself as a whole being.

00:36:15.430 --> 00:36:18.150
What's what's that? What's the value of that?

00:36:18.870 --> 00:36:19.670
It's

00:36:19.670 --> 00:36:30.515
Isn't that what authenticity is? What's that? Isn't that what authenticity is? Yes. We sometimes exaggerate ourselves or minimize ourselves. Mhmm. And we have these impostor fragments,

00:36:30.835 --> 00:36:31.795
the parts.

00:36:32.035 --> 00:36:33.635
And when we integrate them,

00:36:33.875 --> 00:36:35.635
we get to be authentic and whole.

00:36:36.835 --> 00:36:40.195
And that's individually as a whole. Individual means undivided.

00:36:40.940 --> 00:36:42.700
You're

00:36:42.700 --> 00:36:46.540
not a person, persona, mask. You're an individual whole.

00:36:47.180 --> 00:36:49.420
So you got to grow spiritually

00:36:49.660 --> 00:36:51.020
Mhmm. Intellectually,

00:36:51.260 --> 00:36:52.140
mentally.

00:36:52.380 --> 00:36:53.340
In other words,

00:36:54.300 --> 00:36:54.700
socially,

00:36:55.865 --> 00:36:56.745
financially,

00:36:56.905 --> 00:36:57.865
your business,

00:37:00.025 --> 00:37:05.705
what is it you're upset about on What's the problem? What's what's what are you judging her for that you haven't done?

00:37:07.850 --> 00:37:25.045
And by the way, when you've done this, it's also catalyzed greatness in other people, but you not may not have ever seen it. Yeah. You may have felt bad that you did it. But the reality is that everybody gets to grow in these dynamics. If they don't grow, it's because not because of what happened, it's because they've chosen not to see the blessings in it.

00:37:25.845 --> 00:37:28.965
They're making themselves victims of history, not masters of destiny.

00:37:30.005 --> 00:37:33.125
I'm just helping you be accountable to see that you're actually on track.

00:37:35.720 --> 00:37:42.200
The lady was a perfect catalyst to catalyze something that you were contemplating in your mind about getting out of that marriage. Mhmm.

00:37:42.680 --> 00:37:47.400
But you didn't have the courage to do that because you didn't wanna have the feeling the responses from people

00:37:47.645 --> 00:37:49.885
judging you for jumping out of your marriage,

00:37:50.365 --> 00:37:53.805
and you had to have to have the perfect person to come in and help you catalyze it.

00:37:54.125 --> 00:37:55.325
Someone to blame.

00:37:55.565 --> 00:38:00.285
Someone to to use as a scapegoat because you didn't wanna be the one that said I'm breaking up my marriage

00:38:00.760 --> 00:38:04.440
because of an injected value from probably a mom or somebody else in your life.

00:38:05.560 --> 00:38:08.520
Am I hitting it? Oh, yeah. So

00:38:09.000 --> 00:38:11.400
what's another benefit of this whole thing happening

00:38:11.960 --> 00:38:15.000
besides us having the time to get to meet today? Yeah.

00:38:15.080 --> 00:38:15.640
And thank you.

00:38:17.935 --> 00:38:20.895
Well, I just live in my truth now.

00:38:21.135 --> 00:38:22.655
Oh, what's that worth?

00:38:24.415 --> 00:38:26.255
You can't put a price on that.

00:38:26.975 --> 00:38:29.215
Now I'm gonna ask you another wild question.

00:38:31.420 --> 00:38:33.660
At the moment, go to the actual moment

00:38:34.300 --> 00:38:35.820
that he said this again,

00:38:37.820 --> 00:38:39.820
and he said that she

00:38:40.220 --> 00:38:41.500
told him about these things.

00:38:44.555 --> 00:38:47.275
What exactly did he say that she said?

00:38:49.515 --> 00:38:54.955
Or what did you believe at the moment he disclosed what he did that she had done?

00:38:58.400 --> 00:39:03.760
What did he actually say? Yeah. He asked me point blank if I was having an affair,

00:39:03.920 --> 00:39:05.440
and I said yes.

00:39:05.840 --> 00:39:06.960
Okay. Then

00:39:08.080 --> 00:39:09.200
he said,

00:39:09.200 --> 00:39:11.120
because Deborah called me and told me.

00:39:12.165 --> 00:39:12.805
Okay.

00:39:12.965 --> 00:39:13.605
So

00:39:14.165 --> 00:39:16.645
because Deborah told him, he then

00:39:17.445 --> 00:39:19.845
was he intuitive and already kinda wondering?

00:39:20.405 --> 00:39:24.565
No. So he's a naive. Focus on his work or something or was he painting? Working.

00:39:25.090 --> 00:39:26.050
Okay. You

00:39:26.610 --> 00:39:29.410
know, there's a there's a price for every marriage, every relationship.

00:39:29.650 --> 00:39:33.490
They may be highly intelligent, but they know it all. They may be hardworking,

00:39:33.490 --> 00:39:41.755
but they're hardly there. They may be a great sense of humor, but it's the same story. Never get a pleasure without a pain. There's always a pair of opposites like a magnet.

00:39:42.795 --> 00:39:45.115
So that is wise to not go after

00:39:45.435 --> 00:39:50.395
a a idea in a relationship that I'm gonna get a pleasure without a pain because that's not gonna happen.

00:39:51.160 --> 00:39:55.000
Every every relationship's got something. It's a picadelos they call it. Yeah.

00:39:55.400 --> 00:39:59.800
That's a word I haven't heard in a while. Now go to that moment when he said that

00:40:00.520 --> 00:40:03.240
and you felt in a sense that that's when you judged her.

00:40:05.045 --> 00:40:06.725
She was saying something

00:40:06.885 --> 00:40:13.125
derogatory about you that you didn't want anybody to do. What would be the opposite behavior of that

00:40:13.765 --> 00:40:17.365
if somebody is saying something derogatory about you to somebody

00:40:18.030 --> 00:40:19.870
and and exposing something,

00:40:20.750 --> 00:40:25.950
what would be the opposite? Somebody holding a secret back and keeping a secret about you?

00:40:26.670 --> 00:40:28.430
Would that be an opposite? Yeah.

00:40:28.670 --> 00:40:33.935
At the moment when she was to he he declared that she had disclosed that information,

00:40:34.175 --> 00:40:37.535
who is doing exactly the opposite to you at that moment,

00:40:37.935 --> 00:40:48.350
keeping a big secret and loyal to you at that moment? Because anytime you are infatuated with a loyal person, you have to have somebody that behind your scenes does the opposite, betrays.

00:40:48.590 --> 00:40:56.270
You never heard attractive betrayal unless you're addicted to a loyal. Who are you addicted to that was loyal to you that you trusted and kept secrets to

00:40:56.510 --> 00:40:58.430
at the moment she he spoke?

00:41:00.305 --> 00:41:02.785
Who else did you tell that you knew you could trust?

00:41:03.425 --> 00:41:07.345
Oh, I was You knew his loyalty would not say a word.

00:41:08.465 --> 00:41:09.585
My therapist.

00:41:09.905 --> 00:41:10.545
Ah.

00:41:11.105 --> 00:41:13.425
Were you highly involved in your therapist at the time?

00:41:15.480 --> 00:41:20.040
She she was helping me. Yeah. But you were in engaging her and telling her all your stuff,

00:41:20.600 --> 00:41:22.280
and she couldn't disclose it?

00:41:22.680 --> 00:41:23.480
Correct.

00:41:24.120 --> 00:41:26.840
Because anytime you get infatuated

00:41:26.840 --> 00:41:27.960
or like

00:41:28.245 --> 00:41:33.925
somebody that you can disclose your narrative story to that can't say anything or undermine that,

00:41:34.245 --> 00:41:39.125
you attract a betrayer to break your addiction to that because you don't grow in that.

00:41:39.845 --> 00:41:46.730
That keeps you stuck. Yep. So you get the person over here to make sure that you actually break through the stuff that you're judging in yourself.

00:41:47.290 --> 00:41:47.930
Mhmm.

00:41:48.090 --> 00:41:52.730
So just know that your dependency on her at the time is part of the reason why this also catalyzes.

00:41:54.615 --> 00:42:03.335
Because otherwise, you're dependent on her, now you're the just like you were infatuated and playing underdog to the man, you were doing that to the to the therapist.

00:42:03.415 --> 00:42:13.910
And as long as you're underdog to the therapist, you're gonna have somebody to break your addiction. Anytime you infatuate somebody to become dependent on them and fear the loss of somebody, you attract somebody who comes in there to break that addiction

00:42:14.310 --> 00:42:16.950
Yeah. Makes perfect sense. To strengthen that.

00:42:18.550 --> 00:42:23.485
Makes sense? Absolutely. Now I'm gonna ask you another wild question and reverse question. Okay.

00:42:24.205 --> 00:42:29.245
Go to the moment when you found out she did it. If she never told him that

00:42:29.965 --> 00:42:34.310
and never tried to bring you down and did what you hope she would have done,

00:42:34.630 --> 00:42:35.910
kind of the fantasy.

00:42:36.230 --> 00:42:41.110
Because you only resent somebody because they don't match the fantasy of the opposite that you hold on to.

00:42:41.590 --> 00:42:42.230
So

00:42:42.470 --> 00:42:45.855
if she had never told him and was in

00:42:46.575 --> 00:42:49.055
never putting you down and trying to take you down

00:42:49.375 --> 00:42:55.135
and supported you like your therapist, what would have been the drawback to your life today? I would have been still I was stuck.

00:42:55.535 --> 00:42:56.015
Stuck?

00:42:58.330 --> 00:43:01.370
Did you ever thank her for helping you get unstuck? No.

00:43:02.090 --> 00:43:04.490
Can you see you've matured and grown quite

00:43:04.490 --> 00:43:06.890
extensively since this moment? Oh, yeah.

00:43:07.690 --> 00:43:08.810
But you never thanked her.

00:43:10.645 --> 00:43:12.725
Right now, her name is Deborah. Right?

00:43:13.205 --> 00:43:16.645
Right now, if Deborah was sitting in front of you, what would you tell her?

00:43:19.285 --> 00:43:21.285
I probably would apologize.

00:43:21.605 --> 00:43:24.805
Apologize for what? What did you think you did to her that would need apologies?

00:43:25.230 --> 00:43:28.190
Apologies assume that you did something that caused pain to her.

00:43:30.750 --> 00:43:39.310
I guess I then thank her. Thank her for What what did you think you need to apologize for? What did you think you did that you caused Because of all of the

00:43:40.695 --> 00:43:45.255
You withdrew from a friend? What? Did you withdraw from a friend? Oh, yeah.

00:43:45.575 --> 00:43:46.375
I withdrew,

00:43:46.615 --> 00:43:47.575
and I

00:43:48.215 --> 00:43:50.455
I just harbored resentment. Good.

00:43:50.695 --> 00:43:52.055
How did that help her?

00:43:53.175 --> 00:43:56.215
By harboring resentment? How did it help her? How did it help her?

00:43:57.570 --> 00:44:09.970
Whenever we get somebody that's resenting us and withdrawing from us, we also get people that come close to us that infatuate with us. So who had her on a pedestal infatuate and got closer to her as you were withdrawing from her and resenting her?

00:44:11.235 --> 00:44:13.235
Oh, she she got married.

00:44:13.795 --> 00:44:18.435
What if you found out that you contributed to her having a man that supported her at that time?

00:44:20.915 --> 00:44:22.595
That would be good. Wasn't she a friend?

00:44:23.075 --> 00:44:25.155
Wouldn't she want her to find a man she wanted? Absolutely.

00:44:27.730 --> 00:44:29.330
Would you feel guilty about that?

00:44:30.290 --> 00:44:33.490
No. What would you wanna tell her now? You imagine her in front of you.

00:44:35.090 --> 00:44:46.035
I would I would tell her that I'm really happy that she's happy, and she has a child, and she has a good marriage. And I think I mean, I think Do think that maybe you the dynamic that happened between you made that possible?

00:44:46.835 --> 00:44:50.035
Catalyzed part of that? Yeah. Did you ever thank yourself?

00:44:50.355 --> 00:44:50.835
No.

00:44:52.570 --> 00:44:56.250
Sometimes we don't see the hidden order that's going on in our life,

00:44:56.890 --> 00:44:58.330
and it doesn't match the

00:44:58.810 --> 00:45:08.105
stories and narratives and the moral hypocrisies about how life's supposed to be, and then we judge it all instead of miss out and instead of seeing

00:45:08.505 --> 00:45:10.585
the magnificence that's actually occurring.

00:45:11.065 --> 00:45:11.705
So

00:45:11.865 --> 00:45:12.825
right now,

00:45:13.385 --> 00:45:17.465
what would you say to her about her saying the thing to husband?

00:45:17.465 --> 00:45:18.425
What would you say to her?

00:45:19.490 --> 00:45:21.330
You've got a lot of benefits out of it.

00:45:21.810 --> 00:45:25.570
You want her to live the rest of her life not knowing what you gained from that?

00:45:27.330 --> 00:45:34.415
No. I probably would. I I would tell her that I there were a lot of benefits that came out of that. It was it was hard

00:45:34.655 --> 00:45:36.335
and What was what was hard?

00:45:36.655 --> 00:45:40.335
Go you know, going through it. Mean, it would aspect of it was hard?

00:45:40.815 --> 00:45:42.815
Uh, the breaking apart of everything.

00:45:42.975 --> 00:45:46.095
You know? What was what was easy about that?

00:45:46.815 --> 00:45:47.855
I felt relieved.

00:45:49.220 --> 00:45:50.580
That's why was it hard?

00:45:53.220 --> 00:45:56.500
You had you had to adjust and face the truth about what was happening?

00:45:57.860 --> 00:46:00.180
I had to face my shame about not

00:46:00.420 --> 00:46:02.500
stepping up and taking accountability

00:46:02.500 --> 00:46:04.020
when I was feeling hurt.

00:46:05.395 --> 00:46:07.315
So I I probably

00:46:07.315 --> 00:46:10.595
created a situation where somebody could hurt me more.

00:46:10.915 --> 00:46:15.795
So I feel What what what what did you what who and what hurt you?

00:46:16.515 --> 00:46:17.155
The husband?

00:46:18.040 --> 00:46:24.760
Yeah. I just What did he do specifically to hurt? I'm now going off on another little chart. Um, he dis disengaged.

00:46:25.000 --> 00:46:27.240
Okay. What did you do to make sure he disengaged?

00:46:31.655 --> 00:46:34.855
People only disengage when they're not getting their values met.

00:46:35.815 --> 00:46:40.615
If I'm talking to somebody and I'm meeting their values and needs, they're totally engaged.

00:46:40.695 --> 00:46:45.175
If they disengage, it means somehow they're not getting what they want in the dynamic

00:46:44.960 --> 00:46:46.800
or in conversations with you.

00:46:47.920 --> 00:46:51.280
What were you doing to help him make sure he was disengaged?

00:46:52.320 --> 00:46:59.335
Well, clearly, I'm not ready to accept that because I'm I No. That that no. No. That's not works here. Yeah. Was

00:46:59.735 --> 00:47:07.015
it that you were frustrated because he was working? Yeah. He was And you didn't honor his work? That was one of his highest values.

00:47:07.495 --> 00:47:08.055
Mhmm.

00:47:08.775 --> 00:47:15.340
Everybody lives according to the hierarchy of their values. Mhmm. They make decisions accordingly, whatever will give them the greatest value.

00:47:16.140 --> 00:47:22.700
If somebody they're with is not understanding what their highest value is and is, in their minds,

00:47:22.860 --> 00:47:25.580
trying to get them away from what their highest value is, they withdraw.

00:47:27.445 --> 00:47:29.845
How has him working so extensively

00:47:30.245 --> 00:47:31.205
helped you

00:47:31.925 --> 00:47:36.005
when during the time you're with him and he was working so extensively? How did that benefit you?

00:47:36.405 --> 00:47:45.500
Oh, provide gave us a nice life. It gave us Did you give him your house afterwards? Yeah. Yeah. And during that time when he was working so hard,

00:47:46.140 --> 00:47:48.380
where did you put your energies? Children?

00:47:49.580 --> 00:47:51.980
I was helping him with his business and

00:47:52.380 --> 00:47:59.315
raising my our daughter. Yeah. Okay. So you were putting energy in the daughter and also business. Yeah. And were you getting paid for that?

00:48:00.115 --> 00:48:01.715
So you're just sacrificing

00:48:01.715 --> 00:48:07.400
and and helping him in his business and assuming he was gonna take care of things, which he eventually did. Yeah. Yeah. So

00:48:07.880 --> 00:48:18.760
you wouldn't have done it unless there was some sort of, in your perception, advantage over disadvantage out of doing it because nobody moves a muscle without an advantage over disadvantage. So what advantage are you getting out of taking care of him and doing that for him?

00:48:19.775 --> 00:48:21.375
What what was the advantage?

00:48:21.535 --> 00:48:27.695
Yeah. You wouldn't have done it if there wasn't advantage. You would have withdrawn. I just think I repeated the cycle that I grew up in.

00:48:28.495 --> 00:48:32.255
That that that didn't answer the question. What's the advantage you got consciously?

00:48:32.975 --> 00:48:34.255
Probably being a victim.

00:48:34.880 --> 00:48:40.320
No. That's no. That's not the benefit. That's a story. Okay. What's the benefit you got out of

00:48:40.800 --> 00:48:42.880
working and helping him in his business?

00:48:43.040 --> 00:48:44.560
What was your hidden agenda?

00:48:45.120 --> 00:48:50.160
Nobody moves a muscle with automotive. Oh, I I wanted him to succeed. For what reason for you?

00:48:52.475 --> 00:48:53.435
Lifestyle?

00:48:54.395 --> 00:48:55.675
Long term objective?

00:48:55.995 --> 00:48:58.555
Long term objective. What was the hidden agenda?

00:48:58.795 --> 00:49:05.755
Oh, the hidden agenda. Wanna make sure you got to a certain level so you got enough to be able to when you when you wanna have the affair and divorce him, you got something? No. No. Yeah.

00:49:06.450 --> 00:49:11.810
Okay. Then go go to what was the real objective there. Nobody is altruistic.

00:49:11.810 --> 00:49:20.770
Yeah. They have a hidden agenda or compensation for guilt and shame in the past when they're doing altruistic acts. Okay. I think I'm getting lost in all the words, but I just I wanted to prove my value to him.

00:49:22.895 --> 00:49:23.935
And did you?

00:49:26.575 --> 00:49:28.095
I thought I didn't,

00:49:28.735 --> 00:49:39.350
but Did you feel that you were on a underdog position? You had to be. All the signs are showing it. Yeah. So you wanted to make sure that you contributed to him because you felt like you were getting a good deal.

00:49:41.590 --> 00:49:42.230
I

00:49:42.790 --> 00:49:43.590
needed

00:49:43.910 --> 00:49:44.950
to feel

00:49:45.110 --> 00:49:46.070
valued

00:49:46.870 --> 00:49:48.950
By him. By him. And

00:49:49.510 --> 00:49:57.165
So you didn't feel you were being valued for him. Who had you on a pedestal that overvalued you? You never get undervalued without overvalued. So who overvalued you at the time?

00:49:59.005 --> 00:50:01.565
Who had you on a pedestal? Well, he did.

00:50:02.845 --> 00:50:03.565
Okay.

00:50:03.805 --> 00:50:16.070
Well, that's confusing because you just said I need to prove a value to him and you're saying he overvalued you. Weren't that contradict? Did, And then it then it waned and so I was trying to earn that. Waned and he wasn't valuing you, who picked up that part?

00:50:16.390 --> 00:50:17.990
Who started valuing you

00:50:18.950 --> 00:50:21.910
besides your therapist? My daughter. Ah.

00:50:22.470 --> 00:50:26.805
So in the family dynamic, she started putting a value on you as he was waning.

00:50:27.685 --> 00:50:30.165
Okay. What was the benefit of her doing it, not him?

00:50:31.765 --> 00:50:37.205
You got to feel more like a a decent mother because you came back and said that you want to contribute more and be even a greater mother.

00:50:37.820 --> 00:50:38.540
Yeah.

00:50:38.940 --> 00:50:48.940
So you got the benefit of being acknowledged as a mother by the daughter during the time when he waned. Yeah. We have very good relationships. Found out that there's always a balance of support and challenge,

00:50:49.340 --> 00:50:57.145
praise and reprimand that's conserved through life, and it's just morphing and changing forms through people. And when he withdraws, somebody else picks it up.

00:50:59.865 --> 00:51:03.625
Absolutely. And when he's doing it, you become addicted and subordinate to him.

00:51:05.720 --> 00:51:10.040
And you began to grow. When your daughter started supporting you, you just started gaining some independence.

00:51:12.200 --> 00:51:13.880
Can you see that happened? Yep.

00:51:14.440 --> 00:51:21.985
So can you see that that her doing it was lifting you up and making you stand more as an equal, which is leveling the playing field.

00:51:22.305 --> 00:51:29.985
And he was used to you being the underdog, and all of a sudden you're now not playing there, he's withdrawn and trying to find somebody else to give him the attention. Yeah.

00:51:31.825 --> 00:51:32.945
I can see that now.

00:51:33.730 --> 00:51:34.930
So right now,

00:51:35.570 --> 00:51:37.650
then when he's devalued you like that,

00:51:38.370 --> 00:51:39.970
what was the benefit to you?

00:51:40.930 --> 00:51:42.450
You started your independence.

00:51:43.410 --> 00:51:46.530
When somebody praises you, you become juvenile dependent.

00:51:46.895 --> 00:51:50.815
When somebody criticizes you and challenge you, you become precociously independent.

00:51:51.375 --> 00:51:53.695
If he hadn't done that, you would have been trapped.

00:51:54.335 --> 00:52:06.180
I would have felt like I couldn't rise above him because then I would lose him. Oh my god. Yeah. You only fear the loss of things you got above you. Mhmm. You don't fear the loss of things you go below you. One's prey, one's predator.

00:52:08.100 --> 00:52:11.460
So right now, what did he do or she do that's not part of the journey

00:52:11.780 --> 00:52:12.420
that was needed?

00:52:13.655 --> 00:52:18.615
It all worked out. And and But there is something I would have changed here. What would you have changed?

00:52:19.575 --> 00:52:25.655
I would have put my foot down because my career was going great in New York, and I wouldn't have left. I would have insisted we stayed.

00:52:26.230 --> 00:52:30.550
So you got infatuated with a guy and sacrificed your career for a fantasy guy.

00:52:31.350 --> 00:52:40.150
So you're not probably going to do that, are you? You probably learned a lesson. Yes. So he taught you the value of that Correct. Because you thought that you needed a man for your identity.

00:52:42.065 --> 00:52:44.225
I just didn't wanna do things alone.

00:52:45.185 --> 00:52:48.385
I wanted to, you know, wanted to partner with you're

00:52:51.745 --> 00:52:53.825
alone. I'm alone anyway. Yeah. Yeah.

00:52:54.750 --> 00:53:02.110
Alone and not alone are always balanced in life. There's a part of the pair of opposites that just change form and morph again. Yeah. So right now,

00:53:02.910 --> 00:53:06.670
uh, what would you change different? It would have been nice to have that

00:53:07.735 --> 00:53:08.295
feeling.

00:53:09.815 --> 00:53:12.935
What feeling? The the feeling that I I was enough.

00:53:13.415 --> 00:53:17.575
You know? And who is when he was not doing it, the daughter was doing it. Yeah.

00:53:17.975 --> 00:53:18.615
And

00:53:19.815 --> 00:53:22.455
who else was doing it besides the daughter? Because they're balanced.

00:53:24.190 --> 00:53:34.670
For twenty five years, I've been demonstrating in people's lives that you can't get one without the other because of the law of contrast. Mhmm. You can't judge something without its equal and opposite contrast being there to be able to perceive.

00:53:35.470 --> 00:53:37.470
So if somebody's criticizing, there's appraiser.

00:53:37.885 --> 00:53:41.005
You don't see it. You run the story. I'm a victim of criticism.

00:53:41.405 --> 00:53:46.925
I'm a victim all my life. You don't get anywhere that way. When you see both sides, you realize that I had a transformation

00:53:46.925 --> 00:53:51.405
of who is supporting and challenging me throughout my whole life. Yes. That's mastery.

00:53:52.490 --> 00:53:58.570
So who was praising you besides your daughter at the time and had you kinda on a pedestal and made you important?

00:53:58.970 --> 00:54:01.050
Wanna include you in in the life?

00:54:03.770 --> 00:54:05.690
Friends? Yeah. My friends.

00:54:06.545 --> 00:54:07.185
Social

00:54:07.345 --> 00:54:18.785
circles and friends? Social circles. I was taking a course at the time and learning a new skill. And those people and the teachers and people on that? Mhmm. So can you see that him doing that work and withdrawing

00:54:18.785 --> 00:54:21.265
allowed you to get the support from those people

00:54:21.970 --> 00:54:25.810
and the daughter. Correct. But wasn't that necessary for the next step?

00:54:27.330 --> 00:54:37.250
Was it necessary for the next step? All that education and every all that information. Wasn't that part of your network and team and knowledge you needed to go the next step? Correct. Yeah. So where have you not been on track?

00:54:40.185 --> 00:54:53.090
I've been on track. So what's it like to realize you've been on track the whole time? There hasn't been an air in this whole thing. I can let all this crap out. The illusion go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So right now when you look at your your husband,

00:54:53.330 --> 00:54:57.170
can you see he played a perfect job in this? Your daughter played a role.

00:54:57.570 --> 00:55:02.850
Deborah played a role. So if Deborah's sitting in front of you again, what do wanna tell Deborah right now? Thank you, Deborah.

00:55:04.305 --> 00:55:11.825
Do you wanna say to her? I said, thank you, Deborah. Okay. Yeah. Now is that a little lighter than you started? Oh, hell yeah. Is the narrative that you had completely

00:55:11.825 --> 00:55:13.585
looked differently? Yes.

00:55:13.745 --> 00:55:19.505
Okay. Now we've only did about two or three little columns out of the the exercise. There's 80 columns in it.

00:55:21.010 --> 00:55:30.690
Okay? So we could just keep going with it. Yeah. But we're getting somewhere. I don't think she can handle it. We're getting somewhere. Yeah. By the way No. I'm gonna go journal about this. It's like Okay.

00:55:31.090 --> 00:55:39.345
Just know that any of the stories that you've had in your life, I I I went through this, I had this, and I challenged childhood and all that stuff, it's all bullshit.

00:55:39.665 --> 00:55:45.745
Okay. And I you may not believe me, but if I sat with you for a period of time and we narrowed it down one by one,

00:55:47.010 --> 00:55:50.050
you would be in tears of gratitude for what happened in your life.

00:55:50.370 --> 00:55:53.090
And then you'd be liberated from the story that you've run

00:55:53.970 --> 00:55:54.690
that

00:55:55.810 --> 00:55:58.610
we we run our illusions till we're ready for the truth.

00:55:59.010 --> 00:56:01.170
The truth kinda sets us free from the stories.

00:56:01.815 --> 00:56:11.335
We use the stories because of all the moral hypocrisies we get indoctrinated about how people are supposed to be Mhmm. Instead of seeing how magnificent they are in the journey.

00:56:11.975 --> 00:56:15.975
Somebody once asked me if I had if there was a year that I would eliminate,

00:56:16.500 --> 00:56:17.940
you know, in my life,

00:56:18.660 --> 00:56:22.580
which one would it be in and I, you know, just like queen Elizabeth said she had the

00:56:23.620 --> 00:56:24.580
Anna's horribilis.

00:56:24.580 --> 00:56:26.980
I said, you know, 2005,

00:56:26.980 --> 00:56:29.300
but I wouldn't do it because then I wouldn't have met you,

00:56:30.045 --> 00:56:39.885
that person. You know? Well, anything you can't say thank you for is your baggage. Yeah. Anything you can say thank you for is your fuel. Yeah. So you you can decide to be a victim of history

00:56:40.445 --> 00:56:49.660
because you're comparing current reality to a fantasy and how it should have been, would have been, could have been, or you can be a master of destiny to be able to see through and navigate it and realize there's nothing

00:56:50.220 --> 00:56:55.740
that I or other people did that's not part of the journey that was needed to help me move forward.

00:56:56.220 --> 00:56:56.620
Yep.

00:56:57.155 --> 00:57:01.155
Because you said things were being held back, but I haven't heard anything that's really holding you back.

00:57:01.875 --> 00:57:06.195
Just me. Sounds like you've been growing and doing and expanding in the areas that are important to you.

00:57:06.755 --> 00:57:08.835
Yes. But we can run that narrative sometimes.

00:57:10.400 --> 00:57:22.480
Mhmm. Sometimes we compare ourselves to other people. Anytime you compare yourself to somebody else and put them above you, you're gonna inject their values. You're gonna try to envy and imitate them, as Emerson said, which is futile and a form of suicide.

00:57:23.055 --> 00:57:27.215
And you'll eventually learn the hard way that that's futile and nonsustainable.

00:57:27.215 --> 00:57:29.935
Yeah. And eventually, you get the symptoms of that

00:57:30.335 --> 00:57:34.335
to wake you up, to not put people on pedestals. Nobody's worth putting on pedestals.

00:57:34.830 --> 00:57:39.950
There's no guru out there. There's no teacher out there. There's no saint out there. There's human beings out there.

00:57:40.910 --> 00:57:52.025
I've met enough gurus out there that people think are all somehow one-sided or enlightened or whatever. No. They're just human beings. We're all just human beings, and we're not worth putting on pedestal pits. We're worth putting in hearts.

00:57:52.505 --> 00:57:58.025
And now you've got Deborah Moore in your heart than when we started. That's our objective. Yeah. And that's I didn't realize how

00:57:58.185 --> 00:57:59.385
how clung

00:57:59.385 --> 00:58:01.385
onto that it was because it's still harboring.

00:58:01.970 --> 00:58:11.730
Yeah. Yeah. That's why I'm not interested in your story because the story is anytime you have an emotional story, you have incomplete information. Yes. Anytime you have thank you, I love you, we got we got we're getting somewhere.

00:58:13.330 --> 00:58:13.810
Yep.

00:58:15.925 --> 00:58:20.405
Thank you. So that's at least a start. Round of applause, everybody. Wow.

00:58:24.645 --> 00:58:30.210
Thank you to everybody for your patience. Thanks for doing that. How much time was that? Forty minutes?

00:58:31.330 --> 00:58:34.850
Forty five? Yeah. About forty five. I think we have Forty, forty five minutes.

00:58:35.090 --> 00:58:39.250
I I have my own reflections on this, and I could not help but to feel

00:58:39.795 --> 00:58:41.635
some of the feelings that she was sharing

00:58:42.355 --> 00:58:42.995
and,

00:58:43.155 --> 00:58:46.435
you know, having my own kind of replaying in my life.

00:58:46.675 --> 00:58:54.915
What is it about our human nature that we tend to focus on the negative and not the positive? Because if you keep doing this, it seems like we're all exactly where we need to be,

00:58:55.610 --> 00:58:56.810
and we learn

00:58:57.050 --> 00:58:58.570
the moment we appreciate

00:58:58.570 --> 00:59:05.370
all that's happened. When I turned 18 years old, I I was living in Hawaii as a big wave rider surfer.

00:59:05.850 --> 00:59:11.575
And I left there, and I came to Texas to visit my parents. So I left home at a young age, 13.

00:59:12.695 --> 00:59:22.455
My parents saw that I wanted to go and learn how to read and go back and try to learn again. So I was inspired by Paul Bragg who helped me believe that maybe someday I could be intelligent

00:59:23.180 --> 00:59:31.260
because I was told I would never be able to read, write, communicate, never mount a thing, never go over in foreign life when I was first grade, and I end up not I didn't read till I was 18.

00:59:31.820 --> 00:59:32.380
So

00:59:33.340 --> 00:59:34.620
I got inspired,

00:59:34.700 --> 00:59:37.295
and I started back. And my parents

00:59:38.175 --> 00:59:44.015
bought a set of books, a little triplet book by Norman Vincent Peale, The Power of Positive Thinking.

00:59:44.575 --> 00:59:45.855
So I read this book,

00:59:46.655 --> 00:59:48.255
and I thought I need to be more positive.

00:59:49.760 --> 00:59:59.440
And I was reading it with a dictionary because my vocabulary was limited, but I tried and tried and tried and tried to be positive, positive, positive, positive. But no matter what I did, I'd I'd falter.

01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.320
I'd have some judgment on myself or on somebody else or whatever, and I thought, what am I doing wrong?

01:00:05.235 --> 01:00:09.315
And so I got a whole collection of self help books thinking I was gonna eventually get there

01:00:09.635 --> 01:00:12.675
to a positive pole of a magnet without the other pole.

01:00:14.675 --> 01:00:17.955
And no matter what I did, I kept faltering. I'd have negative thoughts.

01:00:19.110 --> 01:00:24.230
So I said, well, maybe I need to go live to the seminar. So it's starting at age 20. I started attending seminars.

01:00:24.390 --> 01:00:36.305
I went to a live seminar with Norman Vincent Peale. He stood on stage and he says, you probably know me as the father of positive thinking, but I must confess before you today that I am one the most negative thinking people you've ever met.

01:00:36.705 --> 01:00:40.465
And the reason I wrote the books on positive thinking is to help balance out my negativity.

01:00:40.545 --> 01:00:43.185
And I was the only one applauding. Everybody else was, like,

01:00:43.665 --> 01:00:44.945
shocked, and I was applauding.

01:00:45.870 --> 01:01:02.915
And then I went to, you know, I went to the national speakers, and I met Earl Nightingale and his brother, and I met Debbie Clement Stone, and I met, you know, tremendous Jones and Jim Rohn and all these speakers. Right? And I got to interact with them and hang out with them and find out about their lives and stuff.

01:01:03.875 --> 01:01:12.275
And as I was emerging from 18 year olds, I wanted to be a teacher, and so I was started my teaching career. I got to meet those people, and every one of them had both positive and negative.

01:01:13.790 --> 01:01:15.550
And so I thought, why are we

01:01:15.790 --> 01:01:17.710
teaching something nobody's living?

01:01:18.990 --> 01:01:24.110
And I remember Paul Dirac, a Nobel Prize winner, he wrote a book in 1947

01:01:24.110 --> 01:01:25.870
called the principles of quantum mechanics.

01:01:26.385 --> 01:01:30.865
And he said, um, it's not that we don't know so much, it's we know so much that they didn't sell.

01:01:32.145 --> 01:01:33.665
We're taught misinformation.

01:01:35.105 --> 01:01:37.345
Political and theological systems

01:01:37.345 --> 01:01:38.065
like to

01:01:38.420 --> 01:01:56.715
be in the guilt control the the guilt producing control business. They love to create a moral hypocrisy that nobody can live by so you can feel ashamed so they can control you with the fantasy of the afterlife and the the eternal damnation, eternal salvation, you might say, or the control of some projected moralities of society.

01:01:57.675 --> 01:01:58.395
So

01:01:59.915 --> 01:02:01.915
I started realizing, you know what?

01:02:02.155 --> 01:02:03.835
And it took me a decade

01:02:04.480 --> 01:02:08.800
to finally realize that no matter how hard I'm trying to do, I'm not getting

01:02:09.280 --> 01:02:11.760
positive without negative. They're coming together as a pair.

01:02:12.480 --> 01:02:17.925
And I'm supportive and challenging and nice and mean and kind and cruel. Heraclitus,

01:02:17.925 --> 01:02:19.605
the Greek philosopher,

01:02:19.685 --> 01:02:21.445
talked about the unity of opposites.

01:02:21.685 --> 01:02:32.325
And Paul Dirac got his information from particle and antiparticle physics from that idea. And I thought, the unity of opposites just makes more sense to me because I'm having the unity of opposites. I'm having both.

01:02:33.550 --> 01:02:34.910
And the dialectic

01:02:34.910 --> 01:02:36.030
and the propositions

01:02:36.030 --> 01:02:47.470
of of arguments and law and then to the history from the time of Zeno through Aristotle to Hegel and all these philosophers, they all were talking about the unity of opposites, bringing and synthesizing these pairs of opposites.

01:02:48.645 --> 01:03:00.245
And I thought, I wonder what would happen if we did that in our in our mind. We took the positive negatives and integrated them in our mind. Could we liberate ourselves from the intrusive thoughts and the the things that occupy space and time in our mind that run our lives?

01:03:01.250 --> 01:03:17.255
Because anybody that's highly infatuated can't sleep at night. They got insomnia because they're on the alert that I got food in front of me. Don't wanna lose it, so I'm awake. Or if I got somebody I'm resentful, it's a predator. I gotta stay awake because I could get eaten. And so we have this insomnia, which is symptomatic,

01:03:17.415 --> 01:03:20.615
trying to let us know we have imbalanced ratios of perception

01:03:20.615 --> 01:03:25.095
about people that were storing in our mind causing these difficulties sleeping.

01:03:26.695 --> 01:03:28.295
So I set out to

01:03:29.350 --> 01:03:33.510
answer the question, is there such a thing as positive thinking by itself?

01:03:33.910 --> 01:03:35.670
So at age 28, I

01:03:35.990 --> 01:03:42.870
took 300 bestselling books on positive thinking. I underlined every positive word in those things and compiled those into a 2,000

01:03:43.030 --> 01:03:44.470
index cards list.

01:03:45.405 --> 01:03:53.645
And I wrote a book. You can find it online, 2,000 quotes to the wise, a day by day guide to inspirational living by doctor Demartini. Published it 1983

01:03:53.725 --> 01:03:55.485
on the most positive words

01:03:55.725 --> 01:03:58.445
and the most positive meditated affirmations

01:03:58.445 --> 01:04:00.765
and quotations that could be stated by that.

01:04:02.680 --> 01:04:06.520
And I put this book together, and then I decided I was going to quote those

01:04:06.840 --> 01:04:18.735
divide that into three hundred sixty five days. I put five to six quotes per day. I decided I was gonna chant them 108 times like the rosary beads or the Joppa beads by the the International Society of Krishna Consciousness,

01:04:18.895 --> 01:04:28.015
and I'm going to go through and inculcate my brain with the most positive words, the most positive statements, the most positive things I could, and then monitor and measure

01:04:28.335 --> 01:04:37.110
on a day by day cycle forecasting form the seven areas of my life to see what impact it's having on my life. And I did that for two years every single day,

01:04:37.510 --> 01:04:40.630
four monitorings a day, seven, eleven, three, and seven,

01:04:40.870 --> 01:04:45.830
and monitored what impacted saying nothing but positive words and nothing but positive statements

01:04:45.995 --> 01:04:48.555
impact my life and I monitored it.

01:04:50.555 --> 01:04:51.195
And

01:04:51.435 --> 01:04:56.155
at the end of two years, I got a Texas Instrument calculator out, if you all remember those,

01:04:56.635 --> 01:05:04.640
and I calculated all the fluctuations of all the highs and lows and positive negatives I had during the time I was concentrating

01:05:04.720 --> 01:05:08.640
most intensely more than anybody I'd ever met on positive thinking.

01:05:09.600 --> 01:05:11.520
And it came out zero.

01:05:13.040 --> 01:05:31.605
And then I learned something that I could've learned if I had just studied. I learned that there's a thing called hedonic adaptation that each of us have a set point that automatically oscillates our positives and negatives and brings us back. We also have a moral licensing effect. Anytime we get proud, we give ourselves permission to do something to undermine it to make sure we feel shame to get us back in equilibrium.

01:05:31.940 --> 01:05:40.660
We do something ashamed. We do something to go pride. We go and work out. We then give ourselves permission to drink wine and eat and do things as a homeostat

01:05:40.660 --> 01:05:43.140
to try to keep us to the set point of our authentic state.

01:05:44.025 --> 01:05:48.505
So I realized at the end of it that it was a pointless thing to try to be one-sided.

01:05:50.185 --> 01:05:55.945
The Buddha said the desire for that which is unobtainable and the desire to avoid that which is unavoidable is a source of human suffering.

01:05:57.190 --> 01:06:02.550
So instead of trying to get one half of a magnet and try to get rid of the other half a magnet, is futile,

01:06:02.950 --> 01:06:07.430
I finally embrace the positive and negative. And I started asking, why do we have negativity?

01:06:07.670 --> 01:06:14.385
And I found without certain without the uncertainty about it, that the second you have negativity, it's because

01:06:14.705 --> 01:06:17.905
it's there to break your addiction to its opposite pole.

01:06:18.385 --> 01:06:30.190
So anytime your amygdala, which wants to avoid a predator and seek a prey, it wants to create a positive without a negative, a pleasure without a pain, a happy without a sad, a peace without a war. It's trying to get a one-sided world that doesn't exist.

01:06:30.590 --> 01:06:35.790
And the moment you do, our negativity through our intuition comes out to try to break that addiction.

01:06:36.510 --> 01:06:51.435
Because if we get addicted to that, we become juvenly dependent on it, and we don't grow. So we have to have the other side in order to grow again. So nature brings us back to the unity of opposites, which is our authentic self. I'm both hero and villain, nice and mean, kind and cruel. I'm not a one-sided individual.

01:06:52.235 --> 01:06:56.075
Neither none of us are. There is no such thing as a one-sided interview. There's no heroes out there.

01:06:56.770 --> 01:07:01.090
Any religion that promotes it or any politics that promotes it is a farce.

01:07:01.650 --> 01:07:06.050
Because when you really get to know somebody after you marry somebody, they got both sides.

01:07:06.610 --> 01:07:08.530
Giving yourself permission to be whole,

01:07:08.850 --> 01:07:10.690
which is exactly what all this was giving you,

01:07:11.905 --> 01:07:15.025
transcends the illusion of trying to get a positive out of a negative.

01:07:15.505 --> 01:07:21.665
And trying to get rid of half of yourself is futile. You'll never love yourself if you're trying to get rid of all your negativity. It's pointless

01:07:21.665 --> 01:07:24.545
because you need it. You need it to break your addictions to the fantasies.

01:07:25.070 --> 01:07:27.230
Your executive center in the forebrain,

01:07:27.230 --> 01:07:29.390
which has foresight and strategic planning

01:07:29.550 --> 01:07:34.310
and is more the integrated center of the soul according to Scientific American September

01:07:34.310 --> 01:07:35.230
2022,

01:07:35.470 --> 01:07:36.190
shows

01:07:36.270 --> 01:07:36.830
that

01:07:37.470 --> 01:07:39.630
our real self is that integrated self,

01:07:40.755 --> 01:07:42.755
not the fractured parts.

01:07:42.995 --> 01:07:46.755
So as long as we're striving for a one-sided world, the other side has to smack us.

01:07:47.875 --> 01:07:48.515
So

01:07:49.155 --> 01:07:50.035
negativity

01:07:50.115 --> 01:07:52.035
is an absolutely essential

01:07:52.115 --> 01:07:57.410
aspect of human behavior. It is pointless to try to get rid of it. It's needed.

01:07:57.570 --> 01:08:00.770
Learning what it's trying to reveal to our minds

01:08:01.410 --> 01:08:02.530
is important.

01:08:03.090 --> 01:08:06.930
And most well, I found 15 most common reasons why we have negativity.

01:08:06.930 --> 01:08:10.370
We have unrealistic expectations on others to be one-sided,

01:08:11.185 --> 01:08:12.465
not both sided.

01:08:13.025 --> 01:08:17.425
We have unrealistic expectations that others are gonna live in our values, not their own.

01:08:18.465 --> 01:08:23.745
The combination of those two, we have an unrealistic expectation that we are going to be one-sided,

01:08:23.905 --> 01:08:30.730
so we have negative towards ourself. Why am I not positive? I've had a negative. I feel proud when I do this. I feel shame this way. We become bipolar.

01:08:31.290 --> 01:08:34.970
Unrealistic expectation us to live in other people's values like your husband,

01:08:35.530 --> 01:08:42.035
unreal or a combination of those two. Unrealistic expectation on the collective society to be living one-sided, final peace.

01:08:42.355 --> 01:08:58.100
Global peace index across the world shows a balance of peace of war across the world year after year after year, but idiots think they're gonna get a one-sided world. You need both to grow to transform just like you need the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system for catalyst, for catabolism,

01:08:58.100 --> 01:09:03.860
and anabolism to destroy and build in your body for you to adapt to changing environments. The world needs that.

01:09:04.740 --> 01:09:05.220
And

01:09:05.655 --> 01:09:10.375
the unrealistic expectation on the collective society that everybody's gonna live in your values.

01:09:10.775 --> 01:09:13.095
When I spoke at UNESCO, United Nations,

01:09:13.335 --> 01:09:17.175
I I trained 75 delegates there and cracked their fantasy

01:09:17.590 --> 01:09:21.750
that everybody the world would be at peace if everybody would just follow their values.

01:09:23.910 --> 01:09:24.790
Delusions.

01:09:25.110 --> 01:09:28.630
But we live in a delusion because our amygdala runs most people's lives,

01:09:29.110 --> 01:09:32.710
primarily because we've been taught we're supposed to get rid of half of ourselves and be one-sided.

01:09:33.255 --> 01:09:37.655
And we can't love ourselves or other people as long as we're striving for that which is unobtainable.

01:09:38.135 --> 01:09:45.255
So there's a series of reasons why we have negativity and the negativity is not our enemy, it's our friend because it's letting us know when we have unrealistic expectations.

01:09:45.980 --> 01:09:47.260
And our depression

01:09:47.340 --> 01:09:50.380
is a culmination of all those unrealistic expectations

01:09:50.860 --> 01:09:53.180
that do affect our biochemistry,

01:09:53.180 --> 01:09:56.540
but our pharmaceutical companies want you to believe it's because there's a lack of their drug,

01:09:58.625 --> 01:10:04.945
which is not true. It robs people of their power. There's nobody that has depression that can't transcend it. Guaranteed.

01:10:05.185 --> 01:10:06.865
I could just get warmed up.

01:10:09.425 --> 01:10:12.890
And we're out of time. I don't know. I'm I'm speechless.

01:10:13.290 --> 01:10:14.010
Oh,

01:10:14.250 --> 01:10:16.090
what's up, Milka? Based

01:10:16.090 --> 01:10:33.815
on what I heard from you as a designer where everything that you're thinking saying, I'm trying to, you know, put it together as an image. I came with this image and please help me if if if I'm it's very simple. I've simplified all the things that you've said is that there's this cup

01:10:34.135 --> 01:10:36.615
which is half full and half empty

01:10:37.230 --> 01:10:41.790
and based on whatever all the things that you heard that's what I'm envisioning

01:10:41.790 --> 01:10:56.185
that it's up to us how we see life either half full or half empty. It could be like maybe one ounce water and the rest empty, but that one ounce water is still a blessing. It's not seeing one or the other. It's seeing both simultaneously.

01:10:57.385 --> 01:10:58.185
Got it.

01:10:59.145 --> 01:11:02.825
Wilhelm Wand, the father of experimental psychology, 1897

01:11:02.825 --> 01:11:03.545
text,

01:11:04.905 --> 01:11:07.760
said that when people see simultaneous

01:11:07.760 --> 01:11:10.800
contrast, they have stability and authenticity.

01:11:11.440 --> 01:11:16.800
When they see sequential contrast and there's an arrow of time and entropy and disorder in the perception,

01:11:17.535 --> 01:11:18.415
you have

01:11:19.055 --> 01:11:20.095
inauthenticity.

01:11:20.095 --> 01:11:24.255
You have the impostor syndrome or the persona, the masked parts that we wear.

01:11:25.055 --> 01:11:25.615
So

01:11:26.255 --> 01:11:32.735
if we are infatuated with somebody and we're unconscious of the downside, and then later we resent them and we're unconscious of the upside,

01:11:33.380 --> 01:11:35.220
which most marriages do.

01:11:35.540 --> 01:11:37.620
There's a sequential contrast.

01:11:37.860 --> 01:11:39.140
There's a separation

01:11:39.380 --> 01:11:44.100
between the positive and negatives. Anytime there's a separation, positive and negative, we're unstable.

01:11:44.660 --> 01:11:46.340
We have disorder, missing information.

01:11:47.025 --> 01:11:49.265
If we can see both of them simultaneously,

01:11:49.825 --> 01:11:53.985
that's why when you go out on the first date, you might as well get it out of the way, get it on the table.

01:11:54.385 --> 01:11:57.345
Find out what that is. Imagine me on a first date. Right?

01:11:57.745 --> 01:11:58.545
You'd tortured.

01:12:01.070 --> 01:12:02.430
Yes.

01:12:03.790 --> 01:12:08.510
But my girlfriend does the same work, so she's right there. She just holds me accountable. So I

01:12:09.310 --> 01:12:12.430
was in the Ritz Hotel in 1991

01:12:12.715 --> 01:12:15.035
with my wife at the time who's passed away.

01:12:15.755 --> 01:12:16.315
And

01:12:17.755 --> 01:12:20.475
we were listening to the prince and princesses

01:12:20.475 --> 01:12:21.595
of Japan

01:12:22.155 --> 01:12:24.955
on their honeymoon. They just got married. They're now the empress

01:12:25.515 --> 01:12:26.075
an empress.

01:12:27.050 --> 01:12:27.690
But

01:12:28.090 --> 01:12:31.690
they were at the Ritz having dinner adjacent to us,

01:12:32.090 --> 01:12:35.370
and they had a 500 page document, both of them,

01:12:35.850 --> 01:12:39.370
and they were asking each other questions to get to know each other

01:12:39.705 --> 01:12:40.665
that were

01:12:41.465 --> 01:12:43.945
handed down for generations in Japan

01:12:44.185 --> 01:12:45.624
that were

01:12:46.345 --> 01:12:47.624
wise questions,

01:12:48.105 --> 01:12:49.865
really wise questions,

01:12:50.425 --> 01:12:52.185
to help get to know the individual

01:12:53.200 --> 01:12:56.480
and break through the facade that they are when they're first together.

01:12:57.280 --> 01:13:00.320
Really believe that would be a useful tool for most people

01:13:00.880 --> 01:13:01.680
because

01:13:02.720 --> 01:13:05.920
you fabricate the the amygdala, when it sees prey,

01:13:06.645 --> 01:13:10.325
it creates a positive feedback system and a false positive

01:13:10.485 --> 01:13:15.044
in order to create adrenaline to be able to run fast enough to capture the prey.

01:13:15.525 --> 01:13:22.760
And so what we do is we generalize and distort and exaggerate the positives and have false negatives and subconscious

01:13:23.000 --> 01:13:27.720
disconfirming biases on the negatives at first to feed our fantasy

01:13:28.360 --> 01:13:31.480
instead of actually ground ourselves with quality questions.

01:13:31.960 --> 01:13:35.400
Better to get those questions out and save yourself enormous amounts of

01:13:35.785 --> 01:13:39.065
fantasy and unrealistic

01:13:39.065 --> 01:13:40.105
expectations.

01:13:40.745 --> 01:13:44.265
That's why the quality of our lives based on quality questions we ask. If we ask quality questions

01:13:45.065 --> 01:13:47.705
so this this couple, this prince and princess,

01:13:48.380 --> 01:13:49.820
were doing something

01:13:50.780 --> 01:13:54.940
in in balancing out the romance with a reason

01:13:55.660 --> 01:13:58.140
and making sure they got to know each other.

01:13:58.540 --> 01:14:04.845
If this happened, how would you respond? If this happened, how would you respond? If I did this, how would you respond? And it was

01:14:06.365 --> 01:14:07.165
offloaded

01:14:07.165 --> 01:14:08.605
for traditional

01:14:08.605 --> 01:14:09.565
questioning,

01:14:09.725 --> 01:14:11.565
so it wasn't an attack on them.

01:14:11.965 --> 01:14:17.085
It's just thought provoking questions to make you aware of you as a human being

01:14:17.620 --> 01:14:19.620
transcending the delusive

01:14:20.100 --> 01:14:20.900
fantasies

01:14:20.900 --> 01:14:23.940
that society tends to impose on marriages,

01:14:24.580 --> 01:14:26.020
which are

01:14:26.820 --> 01:14:28.580
costly in society.

01:14:29.140 --> 01:14:29.380
So

01:14:30.425 --> 01:14:34.185
a wise thing to do. That's why the quality of our lives based on quality questions.

01:14:35.465 --> 01:14:43.145
So I'm I'm a lover of questions because a question makes you conscious of what you're unconscious of. My questioning made you conscious of what you're unconscious.

01:14:44.720 --> 01:14:46.880
And you feel you probably feel lighter now.

01:14:47.200 --> 01:14:47.840
Yeah.

01:14:49.680 --> 01:14:51.040
Anytime you have

01:14:51.440 --> 01:14:52.480
emotions

01:14:52.720 --> 01:14:54.000
and valency

01:14:54.000 --> 01:14:55.200
and charge

01:14:55.775 --> 01:15:00.815
and you're stored in the subconscious mind, is the neural correlate, which is the amygdala and hippocampus,

01:15:02.095 --> 01:15:04.655
you create what is called entropic gravity.

01:15:04.895 --> 01:15:09.615
Eric Verlin's work, you wanna look it up. You create entropic gravity and you weigh yourself down.

01:15:10.180 --> 01:15:12.260
It ages you. Aging is

01:15:12.500 --> 01:15:17.940
a the a result of entropy and the arrow of time separating memory and imagination

01:15:18.420 --> 01:15:20.900
in the sequential contrast of awareness.

01:15:21.700 --> 01:15:24.420
So the second we bring those into synchronicity,

01:15:24.915 --> 01:15:32.355
we empower our life again. When a bank gives you a credit card and you go shopping and you get pleasure and thirty days later, you get pain,

01:15:32.835 --> 01:15:36.115
they help you become addict to consumerism

01:15:36.275 --> 01:15:38.435
because you assume you can get a pleasure without a pain.

01:15:39.100 --> 01:15:47.180
When I grew up, we had a layaway plan. You deferred gratification and you paid things, and then when you paid it off, you finally got it.

01:15:47.660 --> 01:15:49.260
That is much healthier

01:15:49.660 --> 01:15:51.820
and much more stable for a society

01:15:52.325 --> 01:15:55.605
to have deferred gratification because immediate gratification cost

01:15:55.605 --> 01:15:57.525
long term vision and

01:15:57.765 --> 01:15:59.525
deferred gratification pays

01:15:59.685 --> 01:16:03.605
investment wise, relationship wise, every area of life, health wise.

01:16:04.485 --> 01:16:05.045
So

01:16:05.710 --> 01:16:12.110
separating the inseparables, dividing the indivisible, labeling unlabelables, naming ineffitables, and polarizing unpolarizables

01:16:13.390 --> 01:16:16.830
go against what Empedocles and Heraclitus said

01:16:16.990 --> 01:16:20.030
two thousand six hundred years ago and undermine human potential.

01:16:21.535 --> 01:16:23.215
So I try to bring them back

01:16:25.615 --> 01:16:26.975
by the questions we ask.

01:16:28.335 --> 01:16:37.580
I'm sure you're familiar with this piece of literature, but everything you're saying right now is remind me of one of my favorite quotes by Rainer Maria Rilke about learn to live the questions,

01:16:37.740 --> 01:17:01.825
and maybe someday in the distant future, you will be able to live your way into the answer or something like that. I'm butchering it. But everything you're saying, it's it's really interesting. We want answers so desperately. Desperately. I feel like as humans, we want the pain, the suffering to be done, to be gone. And so every time you're talking about the quality of the questions, just keep thinking about what he says in that the letters to a young poet is is the book.

01:17:02.225 --> 01:17:02.865
And he says,

01:17:03.500 --> 01:17:10.940
do not try to get get the answer. He basically says, if the answers were given to you, you wouldn't even be able to live them.

01:17:11.340 --> 01:17:15.580
So learn to love the questions. And I feel like that's what you so beautifully

01:17:15.740 --> 01:17:21.395
display in your career and what you did today. And I think I may have to go to the seminar this weekend.

01:17:23.555 --> 01:17:25.635
We'd love to have you. It's

01:17:25.635 --> 01:17:28.355
my mission. I've done it 1,246

01:17:28.355 --> 01:17:33.490
times. This will be the one thousand two hundred and forty seventh time I presented it. You keep such a distinct

01:17:33.650 --> 01:17:40.050
record of all the the other books you read. Who's doing this? Or how are you? I do it every day. I document everything.

01:17:40.290 --> 01:17:44.770
This this show will be on in my gratitude journal. I have 9,378

01:17:44.770 --> 01:17:45.810
pages of journals.

01:17:49.195 --> 01:17:53.115
Tracking this on, like, a computer and old Word document.

01:17:53.275 --> 01:17:54.555
Amazing.

01:17:55.275 --> 01:17:58.875
By the way, there's a 12 step program, survivors of Demartini. You can join that.

01:18:01.380 --> 01:18:21.965
Just less of a question, but more of a observation in how I an epiphany that I had a few years ago going through a job loss, and and someone told me that, Chris, this is a gift and this, you know, bad negative thing that was happening to me. And then I just relends my whole life at that point in time going back. And then, of course, going forward after that,

01:18:22.445 --> 01:18:27.165
everything that you appear that appears to be negative or bad,

01:18:27.485 --> 01:18:36.900
it really truly is a gift. You see that as, like, a gift for us, just giving you something new, giving you're gonna grow from it, something is gonna happen, walk through that door.

01:18:37.300 --> 01:18:37.860
And

01:18:38.180 --> 01:18:41.860
when, uh, if if it didn't happen, you would be stuck.

01:18:42.915 --> 01:18:45.555
So thank you for coming out. Summarized

01:18:45.875 --> 01:18:48.915
and said in 10 words what I just took 300,000

01:18:48.915 --> 01:18:49.955
words to say.

01:18:50.995 --> 01:18:56.275
Your wisdom out Sean me on that one. Well, thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah.

01:18:57.140 --> 01:19:00.020
By the way, the word passion that so

01:19:00.900 --> 01:19:02.980
fervently is promoted today,

01:19:03.300 --> 01:19:06.580
if it you look at its etymology, it comes from passio and pati.

01:19:06.900 --> 01:19:07.700
Pati,

01:19:07.940 --> 01:19:09.300
which means to suffer.

01:19:10.340 --> 01:19:12.100
Compassion means to suffer with somebody.

01:19:12.875 --> 01:19:15.995
I have no interest in passion or compassion

01:19:15.995 --> 01:19:18.795
or the affections that Aristotle warned against.

01:19:19.195 --> 01:19:22.235
I'm simply interested in helping people discover

01:19:22.475 --> 01:19:23.195
their mission.

01:19:25.500 --> 01:19:28.380
Missing the ions. The charges are not there.

01:19:28.620 --> 01:19:31.420
Missing the ions. Not passing between the ions.

01:19:33.980 --> 01:19:35.820
The dharmic path, not the karmic path.

01:19:38.875 --> 01:19:41.275
The equanimity of the Christian

01:19:41.595 --> 01:19:42.715
construct

01:19:43.035 --> 01:19:43.995
or the

01:19:44.635 --> 01:19:53.540
myth or construct of the path of the sun. You could give any religious construct or philosophical or perennial wisdom. You can see your way of saying the same thing,

01:19:54.020 --> 01:19:55.379
the unity of opposites.

01:19:56.900 --> 01:19:59.380
I remember in I think it was 1985,

01:19:59.380 --> 01:20:00.740
I saw an illustration

01:20:00.820 --> 01:20:07.460
in Time Magazine when they used to do the little stories at the bottom, and it said that these scientists had actually discovered weightlessness.

01:20:07.775 --> 01:20:09.855
And they did a little diagram,

01:20:09.855 --> 01:20:17.215
and they showed I don't know if it's neurons, ions, eons, whatever they are. But if all the positive ions were going in the same direction

01:20:17.375 --> 01:20:18.735
and the negative ones were,

01:20:19.790 --> 01:20:21.230
you had weightlessness.

01:20:21.230 --> 01:20:29.950
You had that zero like, kind of when you were saying that, that's what I was visualizing. The But when they're knocking against each other is when it drags you down.

01:20:30.510 --> 01:20:33.390
There's there's subtlety to what you're saying. The the

01:20:34.135 --> 01:20:35.335
antigravitational

01:20:35.335 --> 01:20:37.175
effect of a

01:20:37.415 --> 01:20:38.855
noncharged state.

01:20:39.335 --> 01:20:40.615
A photon

01:20:40.935 --> 01:20:44.295
is spaceless, timeless, massless, and chargeless.

01:20:45.095 --> 01:20:48.135
When it leaves the Milky Way and comes here 26,000

01:20:48.135 --> 01:20:48.935
light years away,

01:20:49.570 --> 01:20:51.490
it arrives the same time it left.

01:20:53.330 --> 01:20:55.890
So to somebody who's enlightened, there's no time.

01:20:56.130 --> 01:20:57.890
Timeless mind, ageless body.

01:20:58.450 --> 01:21:06.515
But when whenever you have charge, you have space, time, mass, and charge, you're living in a conditional state. Fermions versus bosons, they call it in physics.

01:21:06.915 --> 01:21:09.955
And when you do, you now are subject to mass.

01:21:10.435 --> 01:21:12.115
I call it mass consciousness

01:21:12.675 --> 01:21:15.395
versus master consciousness or enlightened consciousness.

01:21:16.610 --> 01:21:20.850
So there is there is a just a beautiful way of integrating

01:21:21.090 --> 01:21:22.770
the particle physics world

01:21:22.930 --> 01:21:24.770
with the psychological world,

01:21:25.170 --> 01:21:31.490
not just as a metaphor, but in deeper levels. As Erwin Schrodinger in his one mind construct

01:21:31.805 --> 01:21:38.285
on mind and atoms that he'd wrote about, he described it. He was a mystic from the Eastern Vedanta,

01:21:38.285 --> 01:21:43.325
but at the same time, he was a great scientist and gave rise to the Schrodinger equation,

01:21:43.885 --> 01:21:44.365
which

01:21:45.210 --> 01:21:48.410
is one of the greatest equations we know in physics.

01:21:49.050 --> 01:21:52.410
So that it was the mystic and the scientists that join.

01:21:52.810 --> 01:21:54.890
True science and true religion don't fight.

01:21:55.850 --> 01:21:58.250
Pseudoscience and pseudo religions are constantly fighting.

01:22:01.705 --> 01:22:05.385
Doctor de Martini, if you don't tell us, we're gonna keep you here forever.

01:22:05.625 --> 01:22:15.545
Do you need to leave it some time? I do need to go. Okay. So They just they just they just notify you. Just notify you? Okay. Yeah. They just because I was told very specific instructions not a minute after a certain time. Girlfriend

01:22:16.210 --> 01:22:26.050
my girlfriend just said, the plane just touched ground. Okay. So I'm Time I won't be in a doghouse if I don't pick her up. Okay. Let's not we don't want that positive or negative energy, not

01:22:26.370 --> 01:22:27.010
not on us.

01:22:28.355 --> 01:22:41.715
I I just wanna thank you for doing this. You and I just met over the Internet a couple of weeks ago, and you've been super generous to be here just shortly after us talking, and I wanted to experience this. I wanted my friends and

01:22:42.920 --> 01:22:46.360
colleagues to experience it, and I think it's truly remarkable and special.

01:22:46.520 --> 01:22:57.805
What I just wanted to say was I thought, okay. That was pretty deep, and it just never ends. And you were saying, we're only on column two of 55 or something. Yeah. We're just like, we scratched the surface. Like, how you hold

01:22:58.365 --> 01:23:02.285
at it and just this dimension, that dimension, it was just really just

01:23:02.445 --> 01:23:16.260
just awesome to just witness and see. And she worked through this path of starting from a deep place of resentment. And I felt that when she said that because we've we know each other and how you moved her through all the different ways of not seeing this.

01:23:16.580 --> 01:23:25.105
And and then having her just to come to the to the realization that there's a lot of gratitude. She owes a debt to this other woman, Deborah.

01:23:25.745 --> 01:23:43.350
Right? Because you would not be here had Deborah not set all these things into motion. And I keep imagining that had she not spilled the beans on you, you'd be living with tremendous guilt and would be eating you up inside the entire marriage. And it would crack one way or the other with or without her assistance. And so I think she accelerated your growth.

01:23:43.750 --> 01:23:48.230
And it's hard to see that because we we'd rather blame people. We go into it, the more profound,

01:23:48.550 --> 01:23:49.910
magnificent appreciation you get.

01:23:50.945 --> 01:23:55.425
Wow. Okay. Thank you very much, everybody. Please leave me a round of applause. Thank you so much.