WEBVTT 00:00:00.320 --> 00:00:04.960 If you wanna achieve a goal, you're either gonna have to accept boredom or pain. 00:00:05.040 --> 00:00:15.120 And the bigger the goal, the more of both you'll get. When I started my gym, I actually lived with six other people in one house. This is, like, off a beach town. Think, like, sand everywhere, 00:00:15.725 --> 00:00:22.365 people everywhere, dirty dishes everywhere, not enough room and refrigerator for food. Cooking was an absolute mess. 00:00:22.685 --> 00:00:32.080 Almost all of them had dogs. So a couple had two dogs. Another couple had one dog. Another guy had a dog. Four different dogs in the house, and they were, like, all marking territory. 00:00:32.560 --> 00:00:33.920 It was horrendous. 00:00:33.920 --> 00:01:21.155 And I was splitting one room with a guy with a bed like, two beds. My bed was on the floor. His bed was, you know, elevated because he, uh, he could afford that at the time. And, uh, I would sleep with a fan on my face. I couldn't hear anything. That was my secret. Like, is the fan, like, there's, the wind over. Like, that's all I could hear. The thing is is, like, I was doing that when I was making, like, $20 a month take home. There's always trade offs. And the trade off for me of living in that condition was that I could invest in the dream and build the business that I had at the time. Now I could look back because I ended up losing everything, you know, a few years later. You know, you get this negative cycle of, like, all of that suffering was for nothing. But it wasn't for nothing because I learned all these skills along the way. You also can't operate from the perspective of, like, I might lose it all in the future, which means everything I do today is not worth anything. Because, like, you're gonna lose a 100% of everything the moment you die. 00:01:21.555 --> 00:01:36.440 So trying to say that you might lose something in the future is a reason not to do something is ridiculous. You're gonna lose everything at some point. You cannot wish for both strong character and an easy life because the price of one is the other. When I think about pain, I think about what thing am I paying for right now, 00:01:37.225 --> 00:01:39.465 And is that thing something that I want? 00:01:39.785 --> 00:01:42.345 And if so, it reframes the pain 00:01:42.585 --> 00:01:46.905 as the price of the thing that I want. This is super interesting. 00:01:46.985 --> 00:01:55.180 As they've done research on this where they have somebody who, like, accepts, like, shocks, They can, like, opt out at any point. If you have the same man who's getting shocked 00:01:55.500 --> 00:02:03.820 and then you tell that man in the other room every shock he takes, his family doesn't have to take, his threshold of pain, like, quadruples. 00:02:04.155 --> 00:02:06.475 This may seem like some, 00:02:06.635 --> 00:02:07.835 quote, mindset 00:02:07.835 --> 00:02:08.635 whatever. 00:02:09.355 --> 00:02:17.915 But the thing is is, like, the bigger your goals, the more pain you're going to endure, whether you want to or not. It's the price. And if you can endure four times more pain than someone else, 00:02:19.050 --> 00:02:23.770 I don't actually think that it feels four times more painful. I think it feels the same level of pain, 00:02:24.090 --> 00:02:25.690 but you have this padding 00:02:25.770 --> 00:02:35.485 that makes it feel worth it. Give a man a purpose and the ability to achieve it, and he will crawl over broken glass with a smile. That broken glass, like, how can you have a smile during the pain? 00:02:35.725 --> 00:02:48.780 It's because of what the pain itself represents. Now I'm gonna get get a little bit of the behavior because I think it's it's valuable. I talk a lot about reward and punishment, but those are kind of more colloquial terms. When it comes down to behavior, it's actually reinforcers. 00:02:48.780 --> 00:02:50.940 A reinforcer can be negative, 00:02:51.100 --> 00:02:53.260 meaning it can be something that's aversive. 00:02:53.580 --> 00:03:03.045 So for example, if I know that every time I hit my hand with a hammer, I'm going to grow muscle, hitting my hand with a hammer or taking the shock from my family 00:03:03.765 --> 00:03:09.685 means something positive, which is that I'm protecting my family. I'm helping my country. I'm I'm doing something that I deem meaningful. 00:03:09.925 --> 00:03:27.235 The pain itself can become a positive reinforcer because you know you're making progress towards the thing you want. Now you might think of that and be like, well, I don't wanna have the pain. The thing is is that when you're going through it, if you have this frame, it isn't as painful. In a lot of ways, it's like we are our own sculpture that we are working on. And as we chisel away, 00:03:27.395 --> 00:03:28.835 we also get to reveal 00:03:29.155 --> 00:03:41.920 the type of person that we wanna become, the traits and the behaviors and the belief sets that go with the man or woman that we're trying to trying to grow into. And so I wrote this story, I wanna say a year ago, maybe two years ago, that related this that I just wanna share with you. 00:03:42.320 --> 00:03:52.925 So imagine you're talking to the creator of the universe about the person that you wanna become. And so you say, you know, I wanna be courageous. And the creator replies, then I will give you monsters that terrify you. 00:03:53.245 --> 00:04:03.965 That way you can conquer them. And you say, well, I wanna be patient. And the creator replies, then I will make you work harder and longer, and nothing will come easy to you. That way you can learn to wait. Or like, okay. Well, I wanna be wise. 00:04:04.820 --> 00:04:14.980 And so then the creator says, then I will give you failures that will crush your spirit. That way, you can learn the value of judgment. Then you say, that sounds like a hard life. Can you give me a good life? And the creator replies, 00:04:15.140 --> 00:04:39.710 just like we measure the quality of a blacksmith by the strength of his steel, I measure you by what you are at the end, not the fire and the hammer that it took to make you. A good life isn't an easy life. A good life makes you into a good person, and that, my child, is a hard life. It's about who we become doing the work more than the outcome from the work itself. And I love this, and this is a reframing of Proverbs. But the work works on you more than you work on it. Like, in all labor, there is profit. 00:04:40.110 --> 00:04:50.965 Meaning, we always benefit from work even if the thing that we work on gets destroyed, even if you went bankrupt, even if, you know, that relationship didn't work out, even if that partnership falls apart. 00:04:51.285 --> 00:05:02.720 The work you did is eternal because it changes you. For those of who don't know who are new to my channel, I lost everything five years into my entrepreneurial journey. And then I made a little bit more, and then I lost it all again. 00:05:03.120 --> 00:05:08.400 But the thing is is that I had this idea that, oh, I have to start from scratch again. 00:05:08.800 --> 00:05:11.680 But that's not true because you can only start from scratch once. 00:05:12.285 --> 00:05:14.685 Every time after that, you start with an experience. 00:05:14.845 --> 00:05:18.525 A man with an experience is never at the mercy of a man with an opinion, 00:05:19.005 --> 00:05:20.125 and you transition 00:05:20.285 --> 00:05:22.045 from the second to the first 00:05:22.525 --> 00:05:24.285 the moment you begin working 00:05:24.710 --> 00:05:34.950 because you're no longer somebody who has an opinion. And as soon as you know what that truth is, because you've been there and you've actually done it and you have the scars to show for it, 00:05:35.510 --> 00:05:41.915 then their opinions matter significantly less. I'll give you a different reframe that I've had for redefining 00:05:42.315 --> 00:05:46.075 pain as it relates to other people, which is you can summarize 00:05:46.315 --> 00:05:52.315 just about every hateful comment on the Internet into one thing. He lives his life in a way that I would not prefer. 00:05:54.300 --> 00:05:55.180 That's it. 00:05:55.660 --> 00:06:00.700 Everything is he lives his life in a way that I would not prefer. To which I respond, yes. 00:06:01.020 --> 00:06:29.620 I do live my life in a way that most people would not prefer, and they live their life in a way that I would not prefer. And that is why it is their life, and they can live their life the way that they wanna live their life, the way they prefer it, and I will live my life the way that I prefer it. They cast these stones at you as though it matters. My dad told me this when he was going through his divorce. He said he went through this, like, divorce conference, and the the speaker on stage said to somebody in the audience. He said, hey. Here's a ball. And he threw it to him. And he said, okay. Throw it back to me. So he caught the ball. He said, now I want you to imagine that this ball 00:06:29.860 --> 00:06:31.620 is a steaming hot pile. 00:06:33.255 --> 00:06:58.510 And he threw it to the person again, and the person caught it. He said, why would you catch it? And so the lesson of that is just because someone hurls at you doesn't mean you need to catch it. You don't need to choose to participate. And I thought that was a really interesting frame. People can hurl whatever they want. It doesn't mean that they have justified a response or that you need to accept it. And that little reframe of, oh, I live my life in a way that other people would not prefer. Well, that makes sense. I'm not trying to live the same life as them. 00:06:59.310 --> 00:07:13.615 So of course. And then they say, he made trade offs that I would not make. And I say, of course. Of course, I did. Why is this why is this somehow an insult? When I was making those trades in the earlier days, I didn't know when I would be successful or if I would be successful. 00:07:14.095 --> 00:07:17.375 The only thing that I knew for sure was that I wasn't going to stop, 00:07:18.680 --> 00:07:42.185 and that was it. I know I can just not stop, and that's something that I can commit to, and that's controllable. I think a lot of the big gift of hardship is that it doesn't define you. It reveals you. The benefit is that you get to see who you really are, and you make that decision yourself every day. I have this perspective on loyalty, which is that, like, you cannot say that you are loyal until your loyalty is tested. You cannot say you're patient until your patience is tested. 00:07:42.505 --> 00:07:47.670 Otherwise, it's an opinion, not an experience. You can't say that you handle hardship 00:07:47.990 --> 00:08:03.635 and that you're emotionally resilient until you've had something to be emotionally resilient about. The gift of the hard time is to give you proof of who you are so that the rest of your life, you get to know that you did that. And you get to tell that story and relive that story to yourself for the rest of your life. 00:08:03.955 --> 00:08:12.595 And to me, that gives the hardship memory dividends that pay forever until the day you die. I'll tell you a story. So I went to a school in the SEC, and, you know, 00:08:13.390 --> 00:08:35.125 some of the SEC schools are are renowned for hazing and and and aggressive stuff. And so I I was, you know, going to join a fraternity. And, you know, obviously, they, uh, they, you know, build up how hard, you know, pledging is going to be and all this stuff. Right? And I called my dad to to talk about it. And he just said, remember there is nothing that they can do to you that is harder than what you've already been through. And it was a great 00:08:35.525 --> 00:08:52.120 reframe because I remember the times, you know, like, when, you know, things would be, quote, hard during that that season pledging, and I would just think about the things that I had already survived, the things that I had already been through at that point. And it made what they believed to be suffering appear childish. 00:08:52.200 --> 00:08:58.555 I was like, this is cute. But for the people who were present in the moment rather than being able to relive through their memory dividends, 00:08:58.715 --> 00:09:07.595 using it as a shield for my emotional affect during the moment was like, alright. I have these eight weeks where I have to stand here before you apparently give me a stamp of approval. 00:09:08.179 --> 00:09:12.259 Fine. Then I will do that. I live my life in ways that you would not prefer. 00:09:13.139 --> 00:09:14.819 And that carried me a pretty long way.