WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.040 Here's ten years of therapy summarized in one minute. 00:00:03.440 --> 00:00:16.605 Number one, no one is coming to save you. Being a functioning adult means realizing you are responsible for everything in your life even if it wasn't your fault. Number two, strong boundaries make for good relationships. Weak boundaries make drama. 00:00:16.765 --> 00:00:20.045 Number three, many of your problems don't get fixed. 00:00:20.285 --> 00:00:34.790 You just learn how to live despite them. Number four, your mind lies to you all the time. It will tell you that the world is ending when it's not, that a mistake is fatal when it's not, that everyone is thinking about you and laughing about you when they're not. Learn how to tell your mind to shut the fuck up. 00:00:35.270 --> 00:00:42.630 Number five, stop trying to convince people to like you. The right people won't need to be convinced, and everyone else is just gonna get very annoyed. 00:00:43.235 --> 00:00:44.275 Number six, 00:00:44.515 --> 00:00:58.040 sometimes the best thing you can do is let a dream die. No one likes to hear that, but it's true. And number seven, only a few people in your life are gonna matter in the long run. When you find them, treat them right, make time for them, keep them close, and be grateful. 00:00:59.080 --> 00:01:01.240 You know, sometimes when I when I 00:01:01.720 --> 00:01:04.840 put together stuff like that, I I I'm 00:01:06.360 --> 00:01:12.215 Like hearing you read that back to me, like the the thought that comes to mind is how is this not taught in schools? How 00:01:13.015 --> 00:01:16.935 are we just How is this not just Discover this at 34. Right. 00:01:18.295 --> 00:01:21.895 Why do people have to listen to podcasts all day to hear some of this stuff? 00:01:25.660 --> 00:01:26.940 It just seems 00:01:27.420 --> 00:01:28.700 so fundamental. 00:01:28.700 --> 00:01:30.700 You know, but it it is interesting. 00:01:30.780 --> 00:01:32.940 One of the things one of the things that 00:01:34.140 --> 00:01:37.500 my perspective has shifted, you know, I've been doing this for 00:01:37.995 --> 00:01:41.355 seventeen years. Too long. Yeah, a long, yeah. A long time. 00:01:43.595 --> 00:01:45.275 And when I look at things 00:01:45.595 --> 00:01:55.890 that I've either changed my mind about or changed my perspective on over the course of my career, I think one of the big ones is that early in my career, I really thought it was all about just ideas, 00:01:56.610 --> 00:01:57.330 information, 00:01:57.410 --> 00:01:59.250 knowledge. Right? It's like finding 00:01:59.730 --> 00:02:00.930 there's a few 00:02:01.330 --> 00:02:10.775 pieces of key knowledge that if you can kind of figure it out, if you can dig through enough psych studies and find the application, like it's just gonna be a key that unlocks all these areas of your life. And 00:02:11.415 --> 00:02:12.215 I think 00:02:12.775 --> 00:02:16.215 if you were a consumer of personal growth advice, 00:02:17.015 --> 00:02:20.980 that the experience you have often feels that way, 00:02:21.300 --> 00:02:26.340 but I don't think that's true. I think actually what is true is that there are just certain 00:02:26.580 --> 00:02:27.940 concepts, ideas, 00:02:29.300 --> 00:02:31.140 principles that are 00:02:32.955 --> 00:02:37.195 pretty obvious, and we all kind of already know them, but we lose 00:02:37.995 --> 00:02:38.635 It's extremely 00:02:39.035 --> 00:02:42.235 difficult to keep them in front of our face through 00:02:42.235 --> 00:02:43.995 day to day life, and so we 00:02:44.715 --> 00:02:46.795 need rituals and reminders 00:02:46.795 --> 00:02:47.355 consistently. 00:02:48.280 --> 00:02:49.000 And 00:02:49.480 --> 00:02:54.120 I actually think that for most of human history, think religion was that mechanism of 00:02:54.520 --> 00:03:03.640 those reminders to keep people like, hey, nobody's like, you're responsible for this. Hey, treat people well. That person matters, you know, like let go of the small stuff. 00:03:06.015 --> 00:03:07.535 But I think in our 00:03:08.095 --> 00:03:09.855 modern world, you know, most 00:03:10.975 --> 00:03:13.055 people are losing that. And so 00:03:13.455 --> 00:03:14.255 you're 00:03:14.255 --> 00:03:16.095 almost seeing this reinvention 00:03:16.095 --> 00:03:17.375 of those rituals 00:03:17.970 --> 00:03:18.930 online 00:03:19.090 --> 00:03:24.290 through like what you and I do Mhmm. Through podcasts, and Instagram, and YouTube, and all this stuff. 00:03:25.010 --> 00:03:31.730 And I do it as well, right? It's like I've got my shows, and I've got the channels I follow, and the people I follow, and it's like they 00:03:32.895 --> 00:03:37.135 it's it's not that any individual piece of information is like changing 00:03:37.775 --> 00:03:42.575 my life, unlocking this whole area of my life. It's just like, oh, yeah. It's a good reminder. 00:03:42.735 --> 00:03:46.335 That's so true. I think because the modern world is filled with novelty, 00:03:46.950 --> 00:03:48.630 anything that we've seen before, 00:03:49.030 --> 00:03:57.670 we don't usually want to hear again. Yeah. If you think, well, I already know that, even if you don't, even if there's 10 things that you basically just need to hear over and over again, 00:03:58.550 --> 00:04:02.390 what you need to do, I think, is play the game of novelty 00:04:02.745 --> 00:04:17.865 whilst just redelivering the same core message. Yes. And that's going to be antimemetic and wholly unimpressive to people. This is the fucking clean your room thing again. This is the tell the truth thing again. Oh, neediness, is it? And you go, okay. Well, I can 00:04:19.520 --> 00:04:26.080 lie to you and create this sort of Fugazi gaslight thing where I say, this new thing is the big unlock. Right. 00:04:26.560 --> 00:04:30.000 Or I can just try to repackage 00:04:30.160 --> 00:04:37.705 stuff that is the existing concept so it satisfies your desire for novelty and my own desire for novelty whilst reinforcing 00:04:37.705 --> 00:04:45.465 the principle that is most accurate. Mhmm. And that's really, I think, what a lot of the game is now. And we we were talking before we got started. I think that 00:04:46.340 --> 00:04:47.940 very, very dense information, 00:04:48.420 --> 00:04:49.300 like consumption 00:04:50.020 --> 00:04:53.860 and over optimization is kinda dead in the water. Mhmm. And 00:04:55.060 --> 00:04:57.220 the alternative is 00:04:58.195 --> 00:05:00.435 reminding people stuff that they already know 00:05:00.915 --> 00:05:09.395 in a manner that just you know how the Ebbinghaus forgetting curve works? Like, it's it's spaced repetition. It's why think the flashcards and stuff work like that. Yeah. 00:05:10.195 --> 00:05:11.235 Basically, you need that, 00:05:11.930 --> 00:05:16.490 but with novelty added in so that people are just regularly reminded, 00:05:16.810 --> 00:05:23.610 oh, yeah. Like, I'd I'd just need to, like, go for a walk and sleep more. Yeah. Oh, right. Yeah. I just I 00:05:24.855 --> 00:05:29.895 probably need to say how I feel to my partner when something upsets me. 00:05:30.295 --> 00:05:31.175 I I've started 00:05:31.975 --> 00:05:39.820 one way I think about it sometimes is that a lot of this advice, it's almost like having a fire extinguisher in the room. You've 00:05:39.820 --> 00:05:41.420 probably had the experience where 00:05:41.660 --> 00:05:43.020 maybe you read something 00:05:44.380 --> 00:05:53.420 five years ago, and you're like, yeah, it's obvious. I know that. And then something happens in your life, right? It's like you get dumped, or somebody dies, 00:05:53.580 --> 00:06:30.115 or you move across the world, and you're like suddenly you're like, oh my god. I need this so badly. Either. But one of the most embarrassing things is to realize that the problem you're facing was solved by something that you learned long ago Yes. But didn't appreciate. And, yeah, and then and then have to now go and relearn. Yeah. And you're like, fuck. Or that you're now facing a problem that you faced in the past Mhmm. And that you not only learned something, but a specific type of pain that both me and you do. You go, oh, I wrote about this. I fucking wrote this thing. Dude, tell me about it. I don't like me about it. Yeah. Yeah. So I had a speaking of 00:06:30.595 --> 00:06:34.755 ascending the mountain and struggling to deal with fame, when my book took off, 00:06:36.810 --> 00:06:42.490 I went into a real identity crisis. I think I've talked to you about this before on the show, but that 00:06:42.490 --> 00:06:45.290 first year or two, when my book was number one everywhere, 00:06:45.530 --> 00:06:48.730 it was like just all these crazy things happening. 00:06:49.450 --> 00:06:51.325 I felt super disoriented, 00:06:51.325 --> 00:06:55.245 and very lost, and kind of went through a little bit of a depression, 00:06:55.565 --> 00:07:02.845 became like I got everything I ever wanted, and it made me depressed. Yeah, pretty much. And massive impostor syndrome for a period of time, 00:07:04.220 --> 00:07:13.100 and started saying yes to a bunch of things I didn't want to say yes to. Right? And so then I ended up in this situation where I'm like, I feel trapped in my own career. 00:07:13.660 --> 00:07:18.300 I'm obligated to do all these things for these people that I don't really want to be doing. I'm 00:07:18.300 --> 00:07:22.195 stressed all the time. I'm anxious. My health's going to shit, and it's 00:07:22.355 --> 00:07:25.875 I'm fat. And I'm fat on top of everything else. 00:07:28.515 --> 00:07:30.675 Just add insult to injury. Fucking 00:07:31.155 --> 00:07:31.875 fat. 00:07:32.275 --> 00:07:32.515 And 00:07:36.900 --> 00:07:39.380 it's so funny because I remember 00:07:40.500 --> 00:07:42.020 when I was doing my film, 00:07:43.220 --> 00:07:49.395 you know, it was that we were doing a film on The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, and I hadn't really read the book since I wrote it. And 00:07:49.875 --> 00:08:08.400 so I went back, I'm like, well, I should probably read my book again. So I went back, and I read this was like 2018, 2019. I went back, and it was like all the shit I'd just I'd been spending the last two years dealing with. It was in my own book, and I'm like, I'm fucking all of this up. I'm saying yes to things I don't care about. I'm overloading 00:08:08.400 --> 00:08:10.160 my life with all these distractions. 00:08:10.160 --> 00:08:19.965 I'm not standing up for myself. I've lost clarity on what I value. Just chapter by chapter by chapter, I'm choosing the wrong struggles. Yeah. And I just it 00:08:20.685 --> 00:08:22.605 was rough. It was really rough. I 00:08:23.005 --> 00:08:23.805 had to 00:08:24.525 --> 00:08:25.885 really have a 00:08:26.205 --> 00:08:28.605 heart to heart with myself of like, dude, 00:08:30.010 --> 00:08:34.250 Get it together, man. It's like it's like personal growth Groundhog Day. One 00:08:36.490 --> 00:08:39.770 thing that I think is is kind of important, I 00:08:40.250 --> 00:08:50.545 I understand how you can say, hey. Look. The small bucket of principles, over optimization, thinking about your life too much, all of these things, like, they they you're majoring in the minors, etcetera, etcetera. Mhmm. 00:08:51.265 --> 00:08:56.545 That is true once you've been through it. Yes. It is not true before you've been through it. 00:08:57.720 --> 00:09:06.520 Breaking the rules of the game before you've learned how to play the game is not breaking the rules of the game and being an innovator or being some essentialized 00:09:06.520 --> 00:09:08.440 distiller of cool stuff. 00:09:08.760 --> 00:09:17.115 It's playing a different game. And this is why I highly recommend that people become totally obsessed with personal development and productivity 00:09:17.115 --> 00:09:25.435 and David Allen's Getting Things Done and James Clear's Atomic Habits and Morgan House's Psychology of Money and The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck for, like, probably between 00:09:26.580 --> 00:09:28.740 three and six years. 00:09:29.620 --> 00:09:34.500 And then once you've done that, you can sort of get your black belt, put it on, and go, 00:09:34.980 --> 00:09:35.700 okay. 00:09:35.940 --> 00:09:37.620 Yeah. 95% 00:09:37.620 --> 00:09:38.420 of that 00:09:38.885 --> 00:09:42.085 was packaging. Here are the bits that really matter, 00:09:42.325 --> 00:09:46.565 and I'm now gonna spend the rest of time trying to just 00:09:47.205 --> 00:09:52.965 maintain that momentum and not overcomplicate stuff. And maybe 00:09:52.260 --> 00:09:55.540 once a year, there'll be a novel insight which is genuinely 00:09:55.540 --> 00:10:08.305 principled and fundamental that I just didn't know yet, but you can't get to that level without having gone through the first bit. And maybe it's just the case that the world of like, everybody went through 00:10:08.945 --> 00:10:12.305 the same holy fuck. Like, this is novel. 00:10:12.865 --> 00:10:36.485 But talking about, like, choosing your struggles appropriately or even neediness and stuff like that, that was novel when it happened, but that area of cognitive real estate, that territory's now being you know, when you play a a a video game and the map's all fogged out? Yeah. And then after you've played it for a while, the areas get opened up. It's like, well, that area's opened up now. So assuming that you've gone through this process previously, it was kind of like 00:10:37.605 --> 00:10:50.670 humans were moving at the same level that technology developed. Yeah. But if you start doing personal development now, there's so much technology that you can speedrun all the way up to the top. Whereas for us, it's like, wow. Telling the truth is something. This is revolutionary. 00:10:50.670 --> 00:10:56.510 Not that I've just discovered it, but it's just been said. Yeah. Right? This is this is groundbreaking 00:10:56.510 --> 00:10:57.310 research. 00:10:57.790 --> 00:11:03.295 But because there's so much to go through, and maybe it's just the case that the era that we're in 00:11:03.775 --> 00:11:04.815 had a 00:11:05.215 --> 00:11:06.095 formative 00:11:06.255 --> 00:11:08.975 hockey curve, like, j shaped thing 00:11:09.215 --> 00:11:16.735 where, wow, there's a fucking ton of insight that's repackaged ancient wisdom for a secular world that's distilled down into good language that's memorable. 00:11:17.270 --> 00:11:22.630 I should I'm learning this as it goes in a new book and a new book and a new book. And now we're at the stage where much 00:11:23.430 --> 00:11:32.790 of that territory that's important has been captured. Yes. And now because everybody kind of started the race, whether you were 18 or 28 or 48, 00:11:33.165 --> 00:11:44.525 everybody started it kind of at the same time. And Peterson comes along with you and James and da da da da da. And you go, oh, wow. Like, that's that's now all being done. So everybody has a degree of 00:11:45.005 --> 00:11:55.420 personal development fatigue, but that's not true if you're starting your journey. If you're like, hey. I'm Yes. I'm a fat piece of shit Correct. And I'm 25, and I've never done any of this. It's like, lock in for the next six years. Yes. Absolutely. 00:11:55.500 --> 00:12:21.070 And then and then it is very much after that is it is just about maintaining the practice. Correct. A quick aside, there is a stat that genuinely surprised me when I first heard it. Ninety five percent of people don't get enough fiber. Not because they're being careless, but because hitting your daily fiber target through food alone is actually quite hard. But that's why Momentus built fiber plus. See, fiber isn't just a digestion thing. 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