§ 01 · The Hook
The bait, then the rug-pull.
The question lands before the audience has settled: skill problem or psychology problem? Tony Robbins poses it about a woman named Pixi who says she needs working capital — then spends the next 68 minutes proving it was never about the capital.
Where the time goes.
00:00 – 03:20
01 · The presenting problem
Pixi introduces herself: distillery business, $3M revenue, stuck on working capital and valuation. Tony immediately reframes — it's not a capital problem.
03:20 – 10:20
02 · Operators vs. owners
Tony dissects the difference between a self-employed operator and a true business owner using McDonald's as the example. Introduces the core diagnostic: if it can't run without you, it's a job.
10:20 – 17:00
03 · Fear is the chokehold
Tony surfaces the real block — Pixi is scared. Scared of what? Losing control. The conversation pivots from business mechanics to personal psychology.
17:00 – 27:00
04 · The personal backstory
Pixi's former husband left after she built everything. Tony traces how that wound is still running her business decisions — she picks people she can control, talks investors out of deals, and connects with herself through pain.
27:00 – 36:00
05 · Masculine, feminine, and the control trap
Tony explains the polarity framework: Pixi developed her masculine to survive, but staying in that mode is why she's alone and why investors feel the friction. Feminine leadership isn't weakness — it's trust.
36:00 – 43:00
06 · Certainty vs. significance
Pixi says she wants to be 'huge.' Tony unpacks why: she wants significance to feel validated. The problem — significance at the top of the hierarchy is a moving target that never lands.
43:00 – 53:00
07 · The transformation chemistry
Tony lays out his four-stage model: satiation → dissatisfaction → emotional threshold → insight. He uses the room to show that Pixi has reached the insight stage but won't jump through the opening because certainty isn't guaranteed.
53:00 – 59:00
08 · Business is a spiritual game
Tony's philosophical reframe: business forces measurable growth, which makes it more honest than most spiritual practices. When you serve others, you stop suffering. When you focus inward, the business stalls.
59:00 – 65:00
09 · Trust, respect, and aligned needs
Tony defines trust as aligned interests, not blind faith. The formula applies to investors and intimate partners equally. Pixi is going on four dates a week but judging before she can be vulnerable — same pattern as her investor conversations.
65:00 – 68:30
10 · The real ask and the real fix
Tony closes the business thread: a 10x multiple on a flat $3M business won't happen. Stop asking for it. Find a strategic partner at a lower multiple who grows the pie. The mirror runs both ways — same thing she's avoiding in love.
Visual structure at a glance.
Named ideas worth stealing.
04:15
concept
Operator vs. Owner
An operator is self-employed with high risk; an owner has a system that functions without them. The test: can you sell it? If not, it's not a business.
Steal for any conversation about hiring, delegation, or scaling past solo-founder mode
28:29
model
The Four-Stage Transformation Chemistry
- Satiation
- Dissatisfaction
- Emotional Threshold
- Insight
Four conditions that must be present in sequence for a real breakthrough. Most people get to dissatisfaction and stop. The insight stage opens a window — and that window closes if you don't act.
Steal for coaching conversations, sales calls where the prospect knows they need to change but won't commit
20:14
model
Six Human Needs — Hierarchy Matters
- Certainty
- Variety
- Significance
- Love/Connection
- Growth
- Contribution
Everyone has all six needs but runs them in different sequences. Certainty and significance at the top blocks the growth and love you actually want. The sequence, not the needs themselves, determines your outcomes.
Steal for understanding why successful people self-sabotage; diagnosing stuck clients or partners
52:00
concept
Trust = Aligned Interests
Trust isn't about character assessment — it's about structural alignment of incentives. Structure the deal so when they win, they win big, and when they lose, they bear real pain. Applies to investors, employees, and partners.
Steal for structuring any partnership, employment agreement, or investor relationship
Lines you could clip.
10:20
"If you're not in Hoover Dam, you're not fucking stuck."
04:15
"If you cannot sell it, it is not a business."
20:40
"There is no such thing as a business issue. It's always a personal issue."
58:36
"Suffering only happens when you focus on you — what you're not getting, not receiving, not experiencing."
59:58
"Business is a spiritual game. It's designed to make you grow. There's no better game I know of."
Things they pointed at.
04:15productMcDonald's
How they asked for the click.
67:30
product
"I'm gonna show you precisely how I've done that the next few days."
Soft implicit CTA — this clip is a teaser for the full UPW seminar. No direct pitch; the value demonstration IS the pitch.
Word for word.
HOOK opening / re-engagementCTA the pitch metaphor analogy story
00:00HOOKIs it a skill problem or a psychology problem? Quick. On the surface, most of you would buy this theory.
00:04HOOKShe doesn't have working capital, but it's psychology. See, you all think this is a business issue. There is no such thing as a business issue.
00:11HOOKIt's always a personal issue. The choke hold on the growth of this business is what? The psychology and skills of the leader.
00:18HOOKFear is the basis of all your lack of progress. The real truth is she's scared, and that's what's getting in the way of everything.
00:24What are you scared of? What's the truth? I'm by myself.
00:28What if I can't do it?
00:37What's your name? Where are you from? I'm Pixi.
00:40Pixi. What a cool name. Thanks.
00:42Pixi, where are you from? Charleston, South Carolina. From South Carolina, ladies and gentlemen.
00:49Tell us, Pixie, what business you in? How's business? I'm in business development,
00:54currently
00:57focusing on distilleries. Okay.
01:00And how's business? Business is good. Mhmm.
01:06Yeah. How many got that? She said over the affirmation business is good.
01:12That means it's not in trouble. It's doing pretty good. Right?
01:16Pretty good. And what's the choke hold on the growth to the next level? Working capital.
01:21Really? So tell me about that. Explain that to me.
01:25To open the markets that I'm in. Oh, by the way, just to help you, whenever somebody has a limiting belief from now on,
01:34if we hear it, we'll be totally respectful. Because it's not about making somebody wrong. Because how many of us have limiting beliefs we're not even aware of?
01:40How many of you can think of something you used to believe ten years ago that you would have fought to defend, that today you think it's pretty absurd you even believe that shit? Say, aye.
01:48Aye. So there's zero judgment. Are you you following me on this?
01:51If you do this with judgment, it doesn't work. I've had challenges bringing in capital.
01:56I get offers. They're just not offers that I'm happy with. I see.
02:01So it's not working capital is a problem. It's having working capital at the price points or valuations you want. That recognizes my value.
02:09And why are people not recognizing your value that you see? Lots of people tell me different reasons. They tell you different reasons.
02:17What's the real reason? What are the reasons they tell you?
02:22I think my business, I'm making it more complicated than it they can understand.
02:30More competent than they can understand or more complicated than allows a business to be able to grow exponentially and scale?
02:40My background in financial services made me give so many other risks and try to make sure that people were absolutely prepared that they could lose their money, that I think I'm continue to do the same thing.
02:56Which is So I can almost talk them out of investing in me because I care for their risk, even though I don't think I'm very risky.
03:07So is it a working capital problem? Yes or no? No.
03:11Yes or no? No. Is it a skill problem or a psychology problem?
03:14Quick. Psychology. How many see this immediately?
03:18But on the surface, most of you would buy this theory. She doesn't have working capital because many of you would say, me too. But
03:24your reasoning, it may be different than hers, but it's the same reason. It's psychology. Her psychology is, I need to protect them at all costs,
03:33but right now, she feels like she talks them out of it. There's truth in that. But she also gave us some insight that's even more true.
03:39She's making the business too complex. It is not a business if it is not duplicatable. It's a fucking job.
03:45A job with a lot of risk. Some of you do not have a business.
03:50You're self employed. By the way, I'm not being derogatory. You must know if you're in this room, I fucking die for you.
03:55Well, no, I won't do that because I've almost done that recently. Fuck that. But I would give my all for you twenty hours a day no matter how I feel.
04:02I'm here to serve you. But to serve you, I gotta tell you the truth. There's nothing wrong with being self employed.
04:06If you're self employed, you get to call the shots, you get to decide the time, the energy, the money, all those things. But you are always gonna be an operator and you will always be stressed. And you will never have freedom.
04:17Because you never, even if you want to, have the ability to sell that business because it's too fucking complex, or it's too dependent upon you. It is not a business.
04:27McDonald's, do they make the best burger? Yes or no? No.
04:30No. The most successful company of its type in the world. Because they built a system that an idiot can join.
04:37Anyone can be put in. You can replace the people. The system is solid.
04:40A business is a system of adding value. If you don't have a system that you can't walk away from, you cannot sell it. If you cannot sell it, it is not a business.
04:49Now many of you in this room are a psychology of, don't ever wanna sell this. And I understand that. We'll explain this later on.
04:56But it's a mistake. It's not a mistake that you don't wanna sell it. It's a mistake not to run it as if you were going to.
05:01Because if you run it as a business that's scalable, you will be more profitable if you keep the business. You'll have more choices and you'll have more freedom. So right now, this business is dependent primarily upon whose decision making capabilities?
05:13So it's not about mine. I'm asking, whose is it? Okay.
05:18A lot about mine, but but but I'm Everybody saw that. Maybe I just saw that. Your first gut reaction.
05:24No, it's not. Yes, Well, it no. Because so we're a family run business.
05:28I have nine children. Six of them are running the distilleries, and they really are all independent
05:34CEOs. And they do make the decisions. They run the operations.
05:38I get to come out and do the rain making. We do build high visibility brands and negotiations to try to move some of those brands. It took time to build them up to the point where they can be sold.
05:48Jean Paul DeJore is a good friend of mine. Good. Mine too.
05:51Yeah. That's cool. And?
05:54And so I'm just that's where I'm I'm stuck. Well, there do you know all the electricity in this room comes from where?
06:01Anybody know? Hoover Dam. It's not far from here.
06:05It was built in nineteen twenties. Alright? During the depression, and we're employed people.
06:09They built this dam. It's one of the largest dams in the world, hydropower. When they were building it,
06:14six people during the time of building fell in, and they're still there. They're stuck.
06:21If you're not in Hoover Dam, you're not fucking stuck. Okay. But your psychology
06:26your psychology is stuck. How many follow this? Right?
06:29And when you think you're stuck, mentally you are. There is no stuck. This is pure psychology.
06:35This has nothing to do with the business whatsoever. The choke hold on the growth of this business is what? The psychology and skills of the leader.
06:42And it's more psychology than skills here. At least 80%. How many follow here?
06:45Say, I. I. So help me with what you're stuck with, because I'm unclear.
06:50I'm trying to get my valuations
06:58high enough so that right now, I don't have any debt or investors. Built this by myself.
07:04K. And I'm doing about Now, by the way, I did the same thing for years and was equally proud.
07:12Sometimes that's fucking stupid. Yes. It is.
07:15Because you're not able to scale. You're limited to what you can physically do. That makes you stay an operator.
07:21So it sounds good, but I don't know any truly successful business that doesn't have any investors or any debt. There's only very few.
07:30So it might it feels good to an individual. She's trying to meet her needs.
07:35She is not thinking like an owner, she's thinking like an operator. That is her problem. Raise your hand if you follow it.
07:42It's not a capital problem. It's not a quality product problem, it doesn't appear to be. Seems like the business is growing if other people are interested in investing in it.
07:50It's a psychology problem. And that psychology, she's getting in her own way. She's got all kinds of reasons.
07:56I'm talking people out of it's one reason. I'm not getting enough valuations, another reason. I'm following you, it's another reason.
08:01She got every reason except the truth. You're the only reason.
08:07So what is it that's getting in the way in you? One thing you've told me is you talk people out of the business. Why you talk them out?
08:15You say, because I don't wanna have risk. Well, you believe in your business as much as you say you do, then it wouldn't be much risk. So maybe you don't believe in as much as you think you do.
08:25No, I do. Or is it you think you should have no investors? Because notice she was very proud of that.
08:29How many noticed that? Raise your hand. Investors, no debt.
08:32She's really proud of that. Well, that can be a good thing, but not if you're trying to grow. I was saying that's where I am now.
08:39My hallucination was that I had to figure out to get the highest valuation so that I wouldn't be arguing my value because it's it's a disruptive
08:48platform, and it was hard to explain it to people, so I just said, oh, I'm just gonna do it and show them. Great.
08:54So now you've done that. Yes. And now I'm afraid.
08:57Okay. So now we got to the real piece. Raise your hand if you fall.
09:01We're going through this whole conversation to get to the truth. The real truth is she's scared. And that's what's getting in the way of everything.
09:07What are you scared of? What's the truth?
09:13I'm like, what if I can You're on your side. You don't have to feel bad about this because once you know what it is, you can fix it, honey. What if I can't do it?
09:20I'm by myself. I know that we've heard that story four times. You tell that story all the time.
09:26HOOKAnd then you get tears like this, and you feel sad inside, and you connect with yourself by telling that you're alone. It's the way you feel sorry for yourself.
09:39HOOKIt may not feel like love in the moment, but it really is, honey. You have a habit that is in the way.
09:46HOOKYour habit is I'm on my own, I've been on my own forever, and there's some pride in that, and there's sadness in that. You're not on your own. You have six children, is what you said, are running these Yeah.
09:58HOOKSo you got six kids, so you're not alone. You don't have a man in your life, it sounds like. Is that true?
10:10HOOKOkay? So you want a man, there's not a man in your life. And how much of that affects you on a day to day basis?
10:23HOOKThere is no such thing as a business issue. It's always a personal issue. It's always something in you that needs to shift to go to the next level.
10:32HOOKSome things like this, you don't see at first, and then they become obvious. Some things are almost never obvious unless you dig. Fear is the basis of all your lack of progress.
10:40HOOKAnd many of you are fearless type of people, so you don't relate to this at all. But you're fearless while you're in your threshold of control. If you get beyond your threshold of control,
10:50you will discover that there's fear in there. Cause it's in all human beings, cause what we all have is a 2,000,000 year old brain. And it's designed to look for what's wrong and fight it or flight from it, run from it, or freeze and hope nobody notices.
11:02And that's what people do in business and they don't even know that's what's going on. There is no saber tooth tiger that's gonna kill you anymore, so so now we worry about what people think, how much money we have, and this woman is doing quite well. Even if there's a struggle to have this many kids all running different distilleries, she's doing pretty freaking well.
11:19Her life and business is good. Right?
11:23But she's afraid if I sell this business, what are you really afraid of?
11:32If I get these investors, what are you really afraid of? I'll lose control. That's right.
11:36And you have the illusion that you're in control now.
11:43By the way, this need to control is why she's alone, feeling alone. She isn't really alone, but she's feeling alone.
11:51She's valuing this sense of certainty. Are you following me on this now? And
11:56significance. Those are the driving forces right now, and they are trapping her. Because she's also connecting with herself through her pain.
12:06Her pain is that I have a man in my life, I gotta do the whole fucking thing myself. But she's focused on what she doesn't have instead of what she Has. Does have.
12:14You can't build on failure. So she's building and she she straps herself to it. She makes herself grow.
12:20She's a very fucking strong woman. But she gets tired of being fucking strong, don't you? Yes.
12:26What's this really about? Tell yourself the truth, Pixie. Cool name.
12:33I'm I'm really pissed off. I'm really pissed off.
12:37About what? I have worked my ass off my whole life. I supported a man.
12:42I built him to big big big business. I did all the work. I had all the kids.
12:46I took nothing. I slaved. I wanted nothing.
12:49I got no significance, no recognition. And then at the top of the game, he walked out the door.
12:56Yes. And then you took all that you built. And now I don't know what to do.
13:01I do know what to do. I'm afraid to do it. Give her a hand for that.
13:04She knows what to She's afraid to do it. Alright? So
13:10forget the fear for a moment and tell me, what do you need to do? Fuck the fear for a moment. Just put it aside.
13:18What do you need to do? Because here's the deal, you're living in the story of your past and here's the truth, you did all those things because you chose to do them. I'm not saying he was a good man, I don't know.
13:28I've made a good man, terrible man, maybe a lazy ass. I don't know. I'm not here to deal with him because he's not here.
13:34I'll be happy to deal with him. Send him. I'll fuck him up for you.
13:36Well, make things straight. But in the meantime, that's not gonna change your life.
13:40The only thing gonna change your life are your decisions. And you made the choice to do all those things truthfully because it fulfilled you at some level. Yes.
13:47So don't give me this bullshit about how you sacrifice. It's what everybody does in postmortem. Yes.
13:52But you did at the time because it fulfilled you. Now, you're not fulfilled because it didn't end the way you wanted it to. But you do have the business and you do have your children, which are pretty magnificent, sounds like, because most people's children, you know, they're off doing something else.
14:04Your children are all in business with you, most of them. So you have a family business that you love, and it's grown and it's doing well. But the story that I built all this and sacrificed and have nothing, I'm stuck because what you really want is you don't wanna have to use your masculine all the time.
14:19True? Yes. And you developed the masculine because you had to.
14:23Yes. How fucking cool is that? It means you have access to feminine and masculine.
14:26But you can't be in control and in a relationship with a masculine man. That's why you're alone.
14:35Because it takes opposite energies to have an attraction that's that strong. That's not to say she can't have a relationship, but you can't have a dynamic passionate relationship because she's the masculine.
14:46So who's she gonna bring? A feminine man. And then she'll be, in the beginning, happy because she could control him.
14:52That's why you like that guy. But then you end up being angry because you can't trust someone who you can control. Because that means some other woman could control him.
15:02So you lost respect for him. You lost polarity with him. True?
15:06Yes. So then you took over more, used more of your masculine. And by the way, it's wonderful.
15:10You can do anything you want. Any woman can use her masculine orphans. Any man can have masculine.
15:14Do we both do we all have both? Yes or no? Yes.
15:17But, we have a core, and if your core is not respected, even if you succeed, you're unfulfilled. Her core is feminine. She's just been away from it forever.
15:26And she thinks she has to be masculine to run her business, which is not true. Feminine has more power if it's used properly. If you think masculine has more power, watch A feminine woman walked by with a bunch of masculine men, they can't even fucking control themselves.
15:38Who's in charge? She's in charge. It isn't even looks,
15:42it's freedom. A woman that is Gentlemen, how many think a woman who is truly happy messes you up? How many gentlemen here think that's one of the sexiest things in the world?
15:50Make some noise, so they just hear you. Every man here who's visual, most men are triggered to be visual, it's the way we're wired, will respond visually to a certain woman, but every man here knows what it's like to be around a super attractive woman who's just horrible to be with.
16:04Who's so full of herself, so whatever. Right? And I know you ladies know what it's like to be around a guy that's like that.
16:10Same thing. It's really handsome, but holy shit. Being in relationship with him is hell.
16:14All he cares about is himself. Right? So we're not looking at that.
16:17We're saying she can have what she really wants, but she can't have it as long as she stays in this masculine mode. Who's running the business, she can't be that all the time if she wants to be fulfilled.
16:29And she's angry that she's not fulfilled, and she's worried that she'll never have that fulfillment. So the business is clouded by what's going on with her personally.
16:38Raise your hand if you follow this. So is she smart enough to figure this out? Yes or no?
16:42Yes. But what she doesn't wanna do is be out of control, because she thinks out of control equals pain when the truth is you aren't in control in the first place. The most you have is influence.
16:53And you know, if you get great at influence, you'll have the illusion of control. What you really have is influence. You can't even control your kids even though you think you can.
17:00They'll still do what the fuck they want even if you condition them long enough. Eventually, they'll do what any masculine man will do.
17:06They'll break out. You can't hold somebody in one place like that. So I want you to get, here we're talking about business.
17:14This is what's really going on. What's the choke hold? Her psychology.
17:18It isn't even a skill. It's just pure psychology. Because she wants to be in control.
17:23By the way, some of you can't relate to this. You go, oh, I'm not like that. I have a great relationship.
17:27But you're equally committed to control, which is why you're a fucking operator. That's why you're still stressed. Because the only way you're gonna be able to grow businesses dynamically,
17:36any business, is not be in control. Because once you're in control, you're make all decisions. If somebody makes a mistake, you go crazy and then you start doing it yourself again.
17:44The only way I was able to grow is to go through the pain of It's like children. They're gonna make their own choices and some aren't gonna be great. And they affect you.
17:52But that's the only way they're gonna learn. You can teach them, you can share with them, but you gotta get through those stages. And you gotta be better at picking partners or business associates.
18:00In your case, maybe partners as well. By the way, who'd she stick with? Everybody she has the sense of control of, her kids.
18:10But there's no man there. Because no man wants to be controlled. He's masculine.
18:12A little feminine guy will. And he doesn't have to be gay to be feminine. Some guys have been nurtured to be feminine.
18:19They've been taught by their mothers to please everybody. How many of you ladies in the room can't stand a man who's always trying to please you, drives you fucking crazy? Make some noise if it's true.
18:28Men are confused by this, but if I don't please her, she's pissed.
18:33What the fuck? There's a difference, gentlemen, between pleasing a woman and being a pleaser, isn't there, ladies? Right?
18:40But she's picked pleasers in the past, and then she ends up presenting them. She's picked people she could control. Your
18:47only way out of this is to give up the illusion of control, because you're not you're not in control of whether you're gonna live or die tomorrow. A truck could come hit you, something could happen to you, something happened to your business. You have very little control.
18:58You have influence. And you can have influence with these new investors. You can influence with new people if you increase your skills and you shift your psychology from control to influence.
19:09By the way, that's a little more collaborative, but that's how you grow things. I'm a partnership model. Yes.
19:15I I hear that. But then there's partnership model, then there's reality of what's going inside you. Cause the truth is, you'd have some partners right now if you thought you could control them.
19:26And one of the reasons she wants to cover all their risk, is she doesn't want the risk of someone she can't control.
19:32And she talks them out because she doesn't really want somebody there she can't control, and she's bringing somebody new in outside the family. Raise your hand if you follow this. So
19:43the person running this business shouldn't be the person running this business if you wanna grow it. So So what do you wanna do?
19:49Do you wanna keep growing the business within the family? Do you wanna sell Why do you wanna sell the business or some part of it? You want additional capital to grow?
19:56I wanna be huge. And so I wanna bring huge. I wanna be huge.
20:01Huge. Huge. I feel like I'm talking to Donald Trump.
20:06What the hell is this? Yes. I want to be huge.
20:09I want to be huge. Huge. Why do you wanna be huge?
20:12What need is driving that quick? Nothing wrong with that, but it's good to know what it is. She wants certainty and significance together.
20:20They don't go together. Only in the mind.
20:26In reality, to do something huge, you gotta let go of your certainty and take some significant what? Risks. Risks, and they'd all work out.
20:33But if your certainty is it doesn't matter, if it doesn't work out, I'll do something else. I'll find another way, then you can have enough certainty to take those risks to do something significant. But
20:42she's trying to keep . You can't do that. You gotta let go of first base to get to third, much less make it home and score.
20:52Mixed metaphor, but you get the Mixed metaphor for her. Right?
20:59So the question is, what needs to happen here?
21:05How many of you know what needs to happen here? Raise your hand. If you think you know what needs to happen here, raise your hand.
21:10Oh gosh, more of you know than that. You should trust yourself. What needs to happen here?
21:16What do you really want?
21:20You wanna be huge, so what will happen when you're huge? When you're huge, what will happen? I will
21:25feel validated enough to share my message with the world, which is what I've been trying to do. I see. No, you won't.
21:34Because the same doubts you have now will happen when you're huge.
21:39Because you have a habit of thinking that keeps showing up. And that habit is, I'm alone. Then you'll be huge and alone.
21:46Aren't you huge now compared to what you used to be? Think about where you started. Tell me where you started.
21:53Yeah. I Yeah. What?
21:55I started at like $10,000 a year in sales. Yes.
21:59And what are they now? Over 3,000,000. Give her a hand, ladies and gentlemen.
22:02That's amazing.
22:06And 3,000,000 puts her in the top 5% of all businesses on the face of the earth, plus she's doing it with her family that she loves. But it's not enough.
22:15Don't get me wrong. I I like doing things huge too.
22:20But the difference is, I'm doing it because I wanna have a huge impact, not because I wanna be huge. I'm already fucking huge.
22:27Look at me. Right? So I didn't need to work on that one, I guess.
22:33The difference is you're doing it for significance, but significance when you get there, it's never enough. How many found, no matter how much you get, you want more?
22:41Let me see. Show hands. So
22:43the reason you want more is because we're meant to grow. If you were got satisfied, you'd stop growing. And when you grow, you have something more to give.
22:52And what makes your life meaningful is giving beyond yourself. There's only so much joy you can hold in yourself from food or alcohol or drugs or sex or success or business or growing. There's only so much you can feel by yourself.
23:05If you wanna trust this, if you wanna know, like people say, you're you know, I'm selfish, you're selfish. I've been selfish, you've been selfish, but that's not our nature. I'll prove it to you.
23:14When you have a great experience that really lights you up, what's the first thing you wanna do? Share. With who?
23:20Stuff. People you love. Why?
23:22Because our nature is to grow and give, because as we grow and give, it makes it bigger for us too. We feel more alive. So if she's being huge, so there's more to give and grow, that's different.
23:31But she's doing it to be validated. She wants to be significant because she doesn't feel significant because the man left her life. She's thinking she can prove to herself and the world that she's significant, and people listen to her.
23:42No one's gonna listen to you unless you got something worth saying. It doesn't matter how huge you are or how small you are or in between you are.
23:50You are huge already to compare to most businesses. Certainly not compared to Google or Facebook, but that's not what this is.
23:58And maybe not to Anheuser Busch, but they've been around a little longer than you. So
24:06I do have a message to share. What is it? We're here.
24:10Tell us. That through love and possibility, everything is possible.
24:16Mhmm. And that partnerships are more important than anything. I see, but you're not doing that.
24:22I always thought I was. And my model is a cause marketing model in one of the most lucrative industries on the planet.
24:30I'm an ordained minister running distilleries, and I don't drink.
24:38That's interesting. So now you it gets hard to explain to investors. Why
24:45come back to your message. So you're not really doing partnerships and that's your message. So no one's listening not because of the size of your business, but because you aren't doing that.
24:52And you're not doing that because you wanna be in Not in control. But my Not in control?
24:59No. No. I no.
25:01That's Yes. Why I'm not Yes. No.
25:03My model is partnership. So every brand that I launch is a partnership model, and we bring in lots of people on a particular brand. Right.
25:10So that's all run as like a mini little business. I understand. That's a partnership model.
25:15So now it's the umbrella that I'm trying to figure out how to leverage the value of that, whether it's franchising or selling off brands You you can make a decision.
25:27Try any of those. What is getting in the way? I'm afraid.
25:31Of what? Failing or not Let's see she'll have here.
25:36Okay. So that's we all have that in common, but we're not all stuck. What's the difference?
25:50Because it isn't just fear of failure. She's afraid she'll fail if she doesn't have control. Raise your hand if you see this.
25:57And she sees it, but doesn't wanna see it, because she doesn't like the way it sounds. I don't wanna let anyone down. I feel you
26:04don't wanna fail and you don't wanna be let down by anyone as well. Because you feel let down by your former partner. Yes.
26:11Your former husband. Yes. But honey, he had different values than you did.
26:16That's for sure. I learned that at UPW. That's good.
26:20Well, now you know, so he had different values than you. It isn't even that he didn't love you, it's he had different values. You have different values.
26:26And so your values have been rewarded up until now, but the same level of thinking as I said earlier. That got you where you are is not gonna get you where you wanna go. That's why you're stuck.
26:34You're trying to use the same level of thinking. You're trying to let your wounds drive you instead of the opportunity drive you.
26:40If the opportunity was driving you, you'd join you'd find those partnerships, you'd negotiate those deals, you'd have certain, you'd make it happen, you know how. You have to let go of what the fuck happened with this man. It's over.
26:51It's been over for a while. You gotta stop the story and feeling sorry for yourself about doing this loan. You chose all this shit.
26:58You chose him. True? True.
27:00And you chose him because you could control him, you thought? No. Actually, he was controlling me.
27:06You say that now, but you've done everything truly that you wanted to do. You said you did it for him.
27:11Yes. You did it because you wanted love. Yes.
27:14You thought if you succeeded enough, he would love you more. Yes. And you succeeded more and he didn't love you more.
27:20Yes. Because in order to succeed, you became masculine and he didn't have polarity with you. He wanted control.
27:28He wanted control. So you guys fought over control and that's what your relationship became about, and now he's gone. Because he probably found somebody that he could control or that made him feel like he was in control.
27:37You don't. Now you're trying to partners in with the same mentality. I don't wanna go any longer in this because I'm only going long enough that everyone get value.
27:44How many are getting value for this for you at this stage, and you can see some relationship, even though it may not be about an intimate relationship, how many of you overvalue control right now in your business, and it's a choke hold? Let me see, raise your hands.
27:55So it's been worthwhile to have this discussion up until now. Don't wanna go much longer, because it's starting to get circular unless you wanna make a shift. Let me help all of you and show you what's missing for her right now.
28:03If you're gonna have a transformation, there's a chemistry I've learned in a transformation. There's a few elements.
28:10Jot them down right now. Because if you're not there yet, you're missing one of these. So here's what I'm looking for.
28:15HOOKThe first thing that starts to create the chemistry of a real huge breakthrough, of a huge transformation is satiation. Satiation means that it's not that everything's wrong.
28:26HOOKRight, David? It's that things are going really well, but they've been going well for a while in a similar way. And so now, even though it's good,
28:36HOOKyou're kind of satiated. It doesn't reward you at the same level. There's still rewards, but not at the same level.
28:42HOOKIt's like if your favorite meal was steak and lobster, and you had it every day, three times a day for three months, you know, it's still a great meal, but you're gonna get satiated. You're gonna go, fuck.
28:56HOOKAnd the reason you get satiated is life, the universe, God, whichever you prefer, is calling you to grow. That's the whole purpose.
29:09HOOKThere is no better game than I know of to make you have to grow because there's immediate feedback. Lots of people say, I'm gonna grow spiritually, and they go to a cave and they meditate and shit. Any
29:19HOOKidiot can make yourself feel good meditating by yourself. Try getting a relationship with humans on a consistent level and keep growing and be in a great place.
29:28HOOKThat takes a lot more spiritual development than sitting by your fucking self and praying. Nothing wrong with sitting and praying. I think it's a beautiful thing.
29:38HOOKWhat are the things people get pissed off about if you talk about? Bodies and money are two things people get pissed off about because they're fucking measurable. If I say I'm spiritual, you go, no, you're not.
29:48HOOKI go, look, you're not spiritual. You don't even feel how spiritual I am. I get to make up what spiritual is in my mind.
29:54HOOKYou can't ever measure it. And if you judge me, you're not being spiritual. So I don't have to grow shit.
29:58HOOKI just have to tell myself I'm spiritual to feel good, and I don't have to do shit. But inside, I know I'm not growing. How many follow?
30:06Right? So nobody likes talking about things that are measurable. Money is measurable.
30:09Business is measurable. Your body's measurable. I can see you're full shitting me if you're massively overweight.
30:15So she's wanting to do things that aren't quite so measurable where she can stay in control and do things that are measurable and win. But satiation is the first step.
30:24But you know what? Satiation makes you start to look for a new way because you need to grow. But most people will not grow with satiation alone, and she is satiated with this.
30:34She's satiated doing your business the same way. That's why she wants to change. Tell me if I'm right or wrong.
30:39Absolutely. So, but And so she's interested,
30:42but she's not executing. Is she capable of executing? Making progress massively?
30:47Yes or no? Could she go out next week and make a deal if she was committed to it? Yes or no?
30:51And maybe she doesn't get the valuation she wants, but life doesn't give a fuck what you want. There's a value in the marketplace. And you can make up what you think it is all day long.
31:00But she could then have a partner and grow that with them to a much higher valuation and make more than she does by herself and maybe become an owner. But she's not doing because all she is is satiated. So if you get satiated long enough, it will lead to the second piece of chemistry I look for to help someone transform, dissatisfaction.
31:18Now, it's not just that you're doing something that's good and you're not feeling as good about it, you're doing the same shit and it doesn't feel good anymore. Now, it actually is a little painful.
31:29And now you're dissatisfied. This is not enough. And now, would the drive be more or less than just satiation?
31:35Which one? It would be increased. Now you're gonna have an increase to say, I gotta solve this.
31:41Right? Maybe maybe I'll go to Tony Robbins seminar and then blame him. You know, because I'm I'm dissatisfied.
31:47He must be the fucking reason. Right? There's gotta be something not me.
31:51I don't wanna deal with me. Let me deal with something else. But in business, reason I say it's a spiritual game,
31:57I love business because I know it's a spiritual game. It's the most exciting game of all. What's the game of business?
32:02Do more for others than anyone else in your industry. Add more what?
32:07Life. Treat your client, love your client like thyself. Does that sound similar?
32:13It's like, what do you do? It's the ability to take what you think about and create it in real life by adding value to other people. To me, I don't think if there's anything more spiritual.
32:21And the more spiritually developed you are, the faster you can do that. It doesn't hurt, it's just my hand, it's okay. The faster you can do that, you can do it with such intensity, because your mind and your heart are aligned.
32:32But when you're not aligned, when you're in this, know, satiated, dissatisfied, you're kinda looking.
32:37You're kinda like dabbling. You're not into mastery. She wants mastery, but she's not doing what it takes.
32:43And if you don't solve it, and you keep being dissatisfied, it will lead to a threshold experience. Step three is the threshold, emotional threshold.
32:51Emotional threshold is, have you ever been in a relationship way too long?
32:56Who's been in a relationship way too long here? Say, I. I.
33:00You were satiated, you were dissatisfied, you kept saying I gotta do something about it, but then you go, oh, it'll get better in the future. It was good in the past.
33:08I think this will work out, and you rationalize. Who's done this shit before? Raise your hand and say, I.
33:13If you don't raise your hand, you lie above the shit too, don't you? Raise your hand and say, I, if you've ever done this. Okay?
33:17So you get to a point where one day you go, it's been painful in the past, it's been painful in the present, it's been painful in the future. Fuck this, I'm out of here. And you finally make a move.
33:26Who's ever done this before in some area of your life? Say I. I.
33:30So the emotional threshold is there's now it's more than satiation. It's more than dissatisfaction. Now you feel like I gotta do something now.
33:39Are you there? I am urgently there. Yes.
33:42I feel like you're there. But here's what's missing. When you get that emotional threshold where change becomes not a should, but an absolute what?
33:50Must. Must. When that happens, you'll get an insight.
33:54That's the next step. It's a moment of insight. And the insight might be, fuck.
34:00It's not my ex husband, it's me. It's not my clients, it's me. It's not my sales people, it's me.
34:08It's not a lack of cash flow, it's me. It's not enough capital, it's me. It's something I'm fucking doing.
34:15And you get the truth. And the truth has the opportunity to set you free. But for the truth to set you free, there's one final piece.
34:22When you get the insight, which by the way, have we given her the insight? Has she seen what's true during this discussion? Yes or no?
34:28Yes. Yes or no? Yes.
34:30She's seen it. But when that insight happens, there's an opening. And that opening is a little scary because you don't know what's on the other side.
34:38But it's an opening. It's a chance for a breakthrough. And what must you do while you're in this state?
34:43You gotta jump through that opening. Even though you're not sure what's on the other side, and that's what she's not doing. She's come all the way to the insight.
34:52She knows the truth. But what's happening now? The opening there, we claim her true identity's there, but she wants to stay in what?
34:59Control. Control. There's no control to jump through an empty opening if it's not on the other side.
35:04She's afraid of what's on the other side. So she stays here, and here's what happens, watch. She just demonstrated it for you if you watched.
35:11She waited too long, and now the opening is closing. And once the opening closes, you have to start the whole fucking process all over again, which can take years of dissatisfaction.
35:23That's it for satiation, dissatisfaction. Hit another emotional threshold.
35:27Get another truth. But if you let fear dominate you, you don't jump through the hole. Now, you know what I used to do with people like her?
35:32I used to kick people through the hole. I'd just pick them up and throw them through it, whatever it took. And some people around ten years ago or twenty years ago would tell you they saw me do this shit, and it worked.
35:43But then I'd see them a year or two or three years later, and it worked for six months, nine months, twelve months, because I did it. They didn't own it. And so afterwards, they'd come up with some story like, well, you know, Tony didn't he didn't program me properly.
35:57He didn't condition me enough. It's a conditioning process to go through this. You have to make yourself do it enough times until you won't hesitate anymore.
36:04You'll just do it. And some of you are already there in your business. You've done it multiple times.
36:08So we got to figure out what's the next one for you that's in the way. Because there's always something in way if you're not at the level you want to be. And most people, when you get to the level you want to be, there'll be a new level because we want to grow and want to give.
36:17That's what makes life meaningful. So the question is there's a big opening here, but she's wanting absolute what, my friends? Certainty.
36:25Certainty about what's on the other side before she jumps. And that's why she's, what she calls stuck. She's not stuck,
36:33she's actually on a treadmill going in circles. Big ass circles. And then she's mad because she thinks it should be different because she thinks someone else should help her.
36:43If she had found the man who had been her partner and done everything the way she wants and busted ass and they had this incredible business that was huge. How big is huge, by the way, so I know?
36:53Because you're doing 3,000,000, what's huge? A 100,000,000. 100,000,000.
36:57And when you get to a 100,000,000, what will huge be?
37:01I might be satisfied. Yeah. Total bullshit.
37:05How many of you guess total bullshit? Let me see what she has. Right now, she'd be satisfied, 3,000,000 to a 100,000,000, but then she'll get to a 100,000,000 and she'll get satiated.
37:12She'll get dissatisfied. She'll be looking at Eisenhower Bush or somebody who's doing multi billions and she'll go, we're fucking nothing. And she'll go, no one's listening to me because I'm not big enough.
37:20She thinks that she gets big enough, people listen to you. No, they'll listen to you when you fucking own and live what you're talking about. But
37:27you're not doing it. I'm not being critical, but you're not. You can tell me you are because you got these business partnerships when you start something.
37:34That is not the message. You said, with partnership and love, anything is possible. And that's not what you're doing.
37:40You're really saying, with partnership, I can control and love. Anything's possible. And control and love don't go together, by the way.
37:47Who here wants to be controlled by someone you love? Let's see a show of hands. Okay.
37:51Maybe in moments, sir, I understand. Right? But not all the fucking time.
37:56They don't go together. Your message is confused because it's not real. So I've taken you all the way to the opening, and I'm not gonna kick you through.
38:04That's your job. I'd be happy to. I used to do it all the time.
38:07Makes me look good. I don't wanna look good. I want you to have what you deserve.
38:11You will not get it if I build the muscle in me. You have to build the muscle in you. My If I do all the calisthenics here, I get stronger.
38:18And you get to admire me. I'm not here to be admired. I'm here to have you admire yourself because you've earned it.
38:23And you can't earn it because you're pushing yourself through the hard parts. You're too busy telling yourself the story of what didn't happen the way you thought it should. If the man in her life had done all that shit, she wouldn't be as powerful as she is.
38:34True. True or false? True.
38:36If she had the man she thought she wanted back then, she wouldn't be as strong as she is. Now, if she can get herself back together and find her center, let her feminine flow as well, and trust her feminine, I think she has to be masculine every moment to be successful if she could tap into her real source.
38:53See, the feminine has to trust. I mean, ladies, I have so much respect for you. If you've ever gone on a date, it's insane.
39:01Because the statistics show the most dangerous thing you can do is be around a male by yourself. They're dangerous fuckers to be around. And you guys have the courage to go out with this crazy fucker you don't even know?
39:12That's crazy shit. But not her, she's not doing that.
39:18She's keeping it safe, keeping it close, and telling herself she's courageous because she's doing it on her own. She's created a badge of courage for something that isn't something to be a badge for. It was back then, honey.
39:31But that's an old story now, you've gone beyond it, except you keep using it. You're using it for significance.
39:37You're using it to explain why you're not where you wanna be. And you're using it to make yourself feel sorry for yourself because you work so hard, you don't really connect with yourself very much unless you're in enough pain. And so now you're creating pain when you don't need it.
39:51How long ago did you divorce this man? In our state, you have to be separated for a full year before they approve it. So it's been about nine months since he left.
40:01Okay. How long are you gonna mourn this shit before you move on? I'm at 86%
40:08of myself, and that took nine months. So I was hoping at UPW I was gonna come out a 100.
40:14But I went from 70 to 86. Yeah. I'm glad you're so precise about it.
40:18So what does it take for the other 14% to be connected here? Are you a fucking accountant?
40:24What the fuck is this? I am a CPA as well. Yeah.
40:26Oh, you're a CPA. It sounds like it. Okay.
40:29Well, understand where some of the control comes from now. So if you're 86%,
40:34what needs to happen for the 14% to happen now? When would now be a good time and what would it take? I'll
40:41tell you honestly? No. Lie to me.
40:43That's what I love to hear. Yes,
40:48honestly. I wanna do something bigger and better on my own than what I even dreamed of of doing with wusband.
40:57So what is that? Tell me what that is. But
41:01do you understand why she's not making progress? One part of her wants to do it bigger and better on my own. The other part's pissed.
41:06I'm doing it by myself. So she's being pulled in multiple directions. So she's not able to marshal all her resources.
41:15Because she's not sure who should be in charge of this business. Now the woman I just spoke to a moment ago, I think that woman could actually run the business. Did you notice the one I was talking to a moment ago here?
41:23The woman who was lit up like a Christmas tree? But are you doing that so you can prove to him you didn't need his ass? Or are you doing it what are you doing that for?
41:32I just think that would get me to a 100%. I don't think that would be about him. I think that would be about me.
41:39So, you know, it's interesting because we talk about all the time being attacked Well, I thought you did this all yourself anyway, he was a lazy fuck. I didn't say that. I said I worked my ass off.
41:50You said you sacrificed everything did. I did.
41:54You did? I carried the weight. And you have the business and your children in it?
41:59Yes. And he does not? Correct.
42:02So you did this for you and your family?
42:07Yes. Uh-huh. Why is it so painful as it is?
42:11No. I mean Yes? I'm a nurturer.
42:13Right? I'm a mom, so I protected my kids for sure. But honey, you did all this for love, and he was the wrong person because you have different values.
42:20You didn't do this for him, you did it for love. You hoped if you did all this, he would love you. Just like you hope if you're big enough, you'll have love from people, and they'll all respond to your voice and message.
42:28But they won't, because they all have their own lives. Before I found out, I was driven by love and significance. After UPW, I came Love
42:36is what you want. If you're driven by love and significance, you'd have another confusing experience. But really Certainty and significance.
42:44How many follow what we're talking about here? Raise your hand if you follow. And by the way, certainty and significance are the one you know, there's nothing wrong with certainty and significance, we all need them.
42:52But the sequence makes a difference. If you know the right number of phone numbers to reach somebody on the phone, and you dial the wrong sequence, you don't reach them. If you have a vault with all the treasures which she has inside of herself and you try to reach it with the wrong sequence, even though it's the right thoughts, it's not gonna happen.
43:09You got the wrong sequence. So I was running on that program and what You still are. Well, no.
43:14What I came to realize is what really drives me is growing and giving. Meaning, that's what would make you more fulfilled. That's what will make me But if that was true, if that was driving you right now, I'm not talking about what you want, I'm talking about what's make how are you operating?
43:28It's not hard to say you're operating because you're operating based on certainty and significance. You want total control certainty, and you want to be the one who's huge, which is significance.
43:36There's nothing wrong with either one of those. It's just that they will never fulfill you Agreed.
43:41In that level. But growth and contribution would, but in order to grow, you still wanna have control.
43:48So my is that if I got big enough, then when I talk to people about my true
43:57mission, and my mission statements, and my vision, and
44:02sharing the gospel, that they'll listen to me because And what happens if they listen to you? First of all, it's not true.
44:09Because when you get really big, how many people have grown really big and then found people resent you who you loved, and you hadn't You think they're great, but they resent your success or your financial free Who's that experienced this already? In fact, the more successful you become, are your chances of being rejected increased or decreased as you become more successful?
44:26Which one? In the world we're in today, massively increased. Today,
44:32powerlessness is the power. Victimhood is the power in our culture. Unfortunately, it's true.
44:38So, no, it won't. Then people will resent you.
44:41They won't listen to you. The people who listen to you are gonna listen to you because they connect with you. It's not gonna be because you're huge.
44:47Your platform is not gonna increase by doing a $100,000,000. It's a delusion. I said hallucination.
44:54Yeah. Yeah. Delusion's a better word.
44:56Okay.
44:59And we're taking a lot of time on this, and again, I'm hesitant. I wanna shift gears, but I also at the same time, there's an opportunity that she could step through. This is your last 190.
45:09That's a little more than three minutes. What do you need to do now? What's the truth that could set you free?
45:16What have you been not acknowledging? What's the illusion, delusion you need to let go of so you can move forward? Tell me the truth.
45:22Tell us the truth. Tell yourself the truth. We don't matter.
45:25Except it'd be inspiring to see you have the freedom you deserve if you wanted it. But you can't have freedom by hanging on to what you've been hanging on to.
45:34How many follow?
45:37I would like to say that. What's the delusion you have to let go of? What's
45:42the illusion? You told it multiple times to us, and you know if you have any intelligence, it's not true. But you've told yourself the story so long, you keep telling it.
45:52That somehow, when you get huge enough, you can tell people the gospel of what you believe and they will now listen. Yes. And if that happens, what would you get?
46:02I would feel like I was living my purpose. So you're not living your purpose now. Living with your family, growing a business, expanding it, that's not your purpose.
46:10Your purpose is to have a $100,000,000 business where you tell people what you believe and they listen and comply?
46:19I picked this woman randomly. Some of you go, this is bizarre. Wait till you get to the next person.
46:26Your mind will be blown when we get to the truth, because the truth is so far from what most of you are telling your limitations are, it's crazy. And some of you don't even think it's a waste of my time. My business is fucking crushing it.
46:36And it is, until it's not. Seasons change. So it might be good to figure it out now, so you can grow without having to have the little glitch in between.
46:47So you last hundred and twenty seconds, and you're on your own after this, which means you're probably gonna have the I don't wanna be on my own. And you're gonna have to start all this I don't wanna be on my own. That's the thing.
46:58I don't wanna be on my own. What do you want? I don't wanna be on my own, but I wanna be in control.
47:05And you know it's true, that's why you laughed. So you don't wanna be about yourself in your intimate relationship or in your business? Both.
47:14Which one's the one that's more important to you? Well, I feel if I was intimately connected, I'd feel supported and then I could do anything.
47:23So the truth is, we just need to get you laid on a regular basis. And all this shit would go away. So maybe this whole thing is you should be focusing not on your business, but on finding someone to share your life with.
47:37And then you wouldn't have all these trapped energies going on. But
47:44here's the problem, you can't even have an orgasm and be in control. Ladies, true or false? True.
47:52If a woman's trying to be in control, she won't have an orgasm. Now, a man, yeah, you can get that guy to do anything.
48:03Women need a reason to make love. Men just need a fucking place.
48:09But a woman, if she is trying to be in control, she will not be able to have an orgasm because orgasm is letting go completely. That's female physiology. It's not my perception.
48:20I'm actually good in that department. Nine kids for a reason. Well, that's encouraging.
48:24What's what's your room number if people might be interested?
48:30See, by the way, look how look how big she smiles when we talk about this subject. There's a different woman here. Give her a hand.
48:34Look at this face over here. Look at this.
48:41So we're out of time, so I'm gonna offer you to tell me the three things you need to do to change it all now. And they're not the things you want to tell me, they're the things that are true. So if what you want is to not be alone anymore, that's kind of a hard thing because you're focused on what you don't want instead of what you do want.
49:01And the more you focus on what you don't want, wherever focus goes, energy what? Flows. So what do you want?
49:08You keep telling us what you don't want.
49:12I want to invite people to be my partners. No. No.
49:17No. Stop going to the business. Why did you go to business?
49:20Why do most people spend more time in their business than in their intimate relationship? Because they feel more in School. In the business.
49:27In an intimate relationship with someone who's of the opposite sex or same sex but opposite energy, because that's what attracts you, They're like another species. So you're not in control there.
49:40You can do it. Guys, how many of her done things you thought you did everything right, and she's pissed and you've done nothing? Gentlemen, make some noise if you've ever had this experience.
49:47Go.
49:51Don't have to do anything. She can get pissed and then, by the way, she gets happier doing nothing, but you forget that. You think it's all you.
49:55I made her fucking happy. Was me.
50:01So instead of going for what you control, let's talk about for two minutes, that's all we got left.
50:11This is it. No more time distortion. Tell me what you want in your intimate relationship because that's what's fucking it up.
50:24You're good at orgasm, I hear. Yes. Awesome.
50:28You're on your way. I wanna trust somebody. Ah.
50:34There you go. Pretty hard to have a partner with no trust. In order to trust someone, what do you have to do to be able to trust someone?
50:40This is pretty important question for all of you to answer. To trust someone. By the way, in business,
50:44you need two things, trust and respect. Jot them down. If they're not there, the business is hurting.
50:49If you look at your organization and it's not growing you want, there are people in the organization that don't trust each other, or they don't respect each other, or both. When trust and respect are there, something interesting happens. Energy
51:01goes outward to serve customers. When there isn't trust and respect, the energy used internally amongst people being pissed or frustrated or positioning.
51:09There's only so much e. The ultimate e in business is energy. It's either going for external marketing to support clients, or it's going to internal marketing to resolve all the influxes of problems where people don't respect and don't trust each other.
51:23If your business is not growing, I don't care what you think. I can promise you there's a lack of trust and respect.
51:30So if you wanna be able to trust someone, someone tell me, you tell me. What has to happen for you to be able to trust somebody? Anyone
51:37tell me. What do gotta do to trust someone? Worry.
51:40Raise your hand. Tell me. What do you gotta do to able yes, sir.
51:42Respect them. You gotta respect them. What do you gotta do to be able to respect them?
51:47Let's go. Let's go. That's just his model.
51:50It's not actually accurate. Could you trust an enemy?
51:56Is there a situation which you could actually trust someone who's an enemy? Yes. I don't believe in enemies, but if you think of them, yes.
52:03Yes. If your needs are aligned, you can trust someone.
52:09I do. But you made a poor choice in the past, you blamed him. You picked somebody whose needs were not aligned with your own.
52:15That's part of life. That's not something bad. It's just that's how you learn.
52:18But then you froze because you don't ever wanna experience that again. But instead of learning.
52:25See, I've done business with people. I remember I did business with somebody nobody on my team trusted, and I said, guys, here's why we can trust them.
52:31We're gonna set the agreement up this way. When we win, when he when we win, he wins huge. When we lose, he gets massive pain.
52:38And guess what? We had a great five year relationship, built things like crazy.
52:42Because all of our values and needs, all of our interests were aligned. Raise your hand if you follow. That structure has to be either in a business partnership or an intimate one.
52:51And then how do you know you can respect somebody? You only respect somebody if they bring something to the table you don't have. If they bring the same thing to your table as you, you might like them, but that doesn't make you respect them.
53:02You respect somebody because they bring something to the table. That is right on point for me. I know.
53:09Thank you for confirming what I already know. But here's the problem. You aren't operating from the very beginning.
53:16You're not willing to trust even the beginning of the process. You're wanting it to all be the way you want it upfront, and trust and respect are earned. You
53:26gotta be able to trust enough to open, but the kind of trust you're calling absolute trust, you get through time with someone. But you aren't even giving it enough time, because you're busy trying to become huge over here, because you think you have control of that.
53:40Clearly, you don't, because you're not fulfilled in the side. See, this is the part that makes it messy. I know this is not probably what you wanted today,
53:46because I'd love to give you some fucking strategies, which we're gonna do, don't worry. They're gonna blow your mind. You're gonna, holy fuck.
53:50I could fuck up and grow my business a 100%. We're gonna give you those. But without solving this, and not this because you're different than her, but whatever those internal conflicts are, it won't get implemented.
54:01Or it'll start to get implemented and then you'll pull back. Who knows what I'm talking about here? Say I.
54:05I. So you
54:09want a relationship with someone who? I can trust and respect. Who would that be?
54:18Let's call it a man for starters. You said you want a man. Yes.
54:23You trust and respect. Yes. How do you know?
54:29Well, I definitely would go through making sure our values were aligned. That's great. And
54:37I think I would see the signs now. Okay. Yes.
54:41Because you have more experience. Yeah. Yeah.
54:42Just like business, you have more experience, you make better decisions. Right? Yeah.
54:46But right now, how much are you working on this plan to find a man you trust and respect and can deepen a relationship with? How much time do you give that? I just gave up a year to come here.
54:57What do mean you gave up a year? Oh, I literally said I'm gonna commit this year to No.
55:01But I want you to see her model the world. I'm sorry. I wanna move on, but it's just too helpful.
55:06Everything in her model is I gave up. What kind of fucking bullshit is this?
55:13This is martyr bullshit. This is why she's alone.
55:18I gave you didn't give anything up. I'm committing. I'm I'm investing in myself.
55:23I'm investing in you. I'm investing in this room. No.
55:26You're investing in me. You're investing in you. Yeah.
55:28This is bullshit. You're investing you only if you believe it's worthwhile, and you're investing in believe it's worthwhile. You're part of National University.
55:34I'm willing. I'm willing. So you're going to three programs in a year or two years.
55:38That's not giving up your year. Poor choice of words. No.
55:43No. No. You always choose those words in the interactions I've had with you so far.
55:47Everything is what you give up. That's why you're alone. That's the most selfish way to look at life.
55:54Not saying you're a selfish person, because I don't believe you are. I believe you're a really giving person. But you've come up with this story,
56:00so you could feel them in control. And the best way to control is, I'm giving everything. I'm the one.
56:05That's significance. That's not love. Raise your hand if you follow this.
56:09So you're giving up and no one wants to be around somebody who's constantly being told how much you gave up. Fuck you. I don't need you to be here.
56:15Go. I'll give you money back right now. I don't need a penny from you.
56:17If you think you're investing in me, you're fucking mistaken. I'm here because I choose to serve. Don't I need to do a fucking thing the rest of my life for money.
56:26But this is what lights me up is to see people have a breakthrough. That's why I'm still talking to you after all this time. Because I really want you to have it, but I'm not gonna force it.
56:34That's the difference. It's the only difference here. Can you see the pattern?
56:37How many can see the pattern of everything is I've given something up? How can you possibly be happy in your life when everything's a sacrifice?
56:45You won't be happy, but you'll feel validated and significant.
56:52This is bullshit. You've done what you wanna do. You came here because you want this for you.
56:56You didn't want it for the people in this room. Don't even fucking know them. You're not invested in this room,
57:00and you don't even know me. You believe I can help you, and you are right, but you have to do the work. Mhmm.
57:07I won't do the work for you because it won't last. Mhmm. I'd love to.
57:11Part of me just love to. I love being a hero. Don't you guys?
57:15But rather than be a hero, I'd like to see you actually have long term success. That's the sweetest way I can put that.
57:26Do you see the pattern? Yes. What do you see?
57:30Tell me what you see.
57:36I see I see sufferings. Some Yes.
57:41Feel victimized or murdered Yes. You feel victimized. Suffering.
57:45But who's doing the victimization? No. No.
57:47I don't I'm saying I don't believe I'm a victim. I'm too but I feel I feel I'm suffering.
57:53Suffering comes from focusing on who? Fail. When someone says, oh, no.
57:58I'm suffering because my kids aren't doing well in school or they're on drugs or something. I'm suffering because I'm worried about them. No.
58:04The reason you're suffering is you think you have failed your kids. Otherwise, you'd just be focused on the solution. The suffering is you think, I fucked up.
58:12I didn't do it. It's about me. The only time you suffer is when you focus on you, what you're not getting, what you're not receiving, what you're not experiencing.
58:19Which is why I love business, because business makes you, if you're successful, have to focus on those you're serving, if you're gonna be successful. And when you're serving others, you're not thinking about yourself. And you're lit up,
58:29and spirit is coming through you, Instead of the fucking mind that's always trying to figure out how do I make myself get what I want, look good, feel good in the moment. That's not business. Business is how do I make you get what you deserve.
58:41And then you're not selfish, and so you're free of your own fucking mind, and your heart and spirit is what's running you. And that's why business is a spiritual game for those that are successful. Those that failure, business is a fucking pain.
58:53And that's why I don't want you to stay operators, my friends. Because to stay an operator, you gotta focus on yourself. Because you're worried about your sense of control.
59:01If you can get loose of that, just even for a little bit, and focus on serving the client, focus on serving your internal associates and partners and your employees, and get juiced about that, you won't be thinking about you. And all of a sudden, shit will flow.
59:14Good stuff will flow. You'll see a transformation. You'll build a culture, because that's what you need.
59:20You need a culture. A culture does well when you're not there. People don't say, in the early days of my business, everybody said, what does Tony think?
59:27What would Tony say? What would People don't ask anymore. They go, what is right?
59:31Because they we know what we know what I value, what the company values is what's right. I want people to do what's right. Make your own fucking choices.
59:37You don't even need come to Tony. And all of a sudden, I got businesses growing, and I began to have more reach and more impact. Because I gave up control.
59:46I still have influence. And I choose where to put that influence, where I can have the most impact.
59:52But then I look for people that are better than me in some area, who can also influence. And now you have a real business instead of a job you call a business. You're no longer just self employed.
60:03You really are an owner. Owners could leave for a month. The company you are part of to play part of the seminar is Robins Research.
60:11That's one of my 54 companies. I've been there twice in the last year. I've probably been there six times in the last three years.
60:17And the company has grown 20% compounded per year for ten straight years. How is that happening?
60:24Because I built a great team. We have a great culture, and that doesn't mean we don't make mistakes or mess up, but we catch them, we solve it, we go for the next level, we keep on growing. And I'm gonna show you precisely how I've done that the next few days.
60:36I'm gonna show you how to do it with your business with precision, but none of that shit will work till we get through this bullshit. And you have your own version if you're not if you're honest with yourself. We all do.
60:44And even if you're highly sophisticated in your business and going great, the next level's gonna take a different level of thinking. So it might might be less gross distinction. It might be a more simple,
60:54refined distinction. But that little 10 degree shift you make, take it out a month from now, six months from now, a year from now, it's a different destination. It's a different destiny.
61:02It's a different level of success or failure. How many follow? Say, I.
61:05I. It's the level of thinking. So
61:09what you want is a relationship with a man you can trust and respect. We're out of time. How are you gonna do that?
61:13How much time do you spend on that now? That was my question before you told me you invested in everybody in this room and you invested in me and you sacrificed the whole year of your fucking life and all this bullshit fucking stories.
61:24I'm investing the time because I'm surrounding myself with great people. Wait. Then you didn't sacrifice anything.
61:28You didn't sacrifice a year. No. I you're right.
61:30I committed invested. I said Well, why do you keep using that term? Because you've used it around him.
61:35You've used around your kids. You've used around me. It's very seven.
61:38It's just training in the words. But I did have a distinction just now. Tell me.
61:42I'm this is perfectly ironically suited because I'm in the business of disruptive spirits where all I do is serve people. And what you just said is we need to disrupt our spirit and learn to serve.
61:54And I'm like, wait a minute. I'm in disruptive spirits, and all day long, I serve.
62:00So let's bring it back to you instead of what's fun out there. How much time are you spending on finding this man that's so important to you?
62:08How many hours a day? A week?
62:14A month?
62:16Just tell me the truth. I I am spending time. Really?
62:20Tell me. How much time? Every
62:23I go to the dating sites. I hired a personal finder, whatever you call those Personal finder.
62:30Matchmakers. Matchmaker. Uh-huh.
62:33Yes. I go on a lot of dates. How many dates you've been on in the last nine months?
62:39Oh, I go on a lot of dates. How many have you gone in the last nine months? No.
62:42Like breakfast, lunch, dinner. How many Four times a week.
62:46No. I'm doing that work. Four times a week.
62:49Yes. And you're going to people that people have pointed you in the direction of? Yeah.
62:53People bring people. And what happens when you get to these dates? Watch this.
62:57I haven't Four times a week, you're going on dates and what happens?
63:03I have a great time. I love people. Okay.
63:06And? I feel like I haven't met anybody that's at my
63:14could have an understanding of what I'm doing. How could they have an understanding of what you're doing when they've not been around you long enough to know that? I'm just saying that the people that so far I've met haven't
63:26I like, intolerate entrepreneurs and like, oh, that was a bad match. That kind of thing.
63:32I see. Yeah. So what needs to change?
63:35I need a better dating pool for sure.
63:41No. What if I were to tell you that you're busy judging other people because you're so afraid to lose control? That it's impossible to get to a point of any intimacy because you're making judgments before you can get there because you don't wanna be vulnerable,
63:56because you're afraid that vulnerability leads to pain. And so then you take You say, I'm doing it because you're trying Mhmm.
64:02But you don't really give your all because you're still keeping in reserve. And then you go to work on the business because you're more comfortable there, but then you're frustrated there because to grow that piece, you gotta be in partners with people that don't agree with everything you're saying, and so you're not in control there.
64:14So now you call it stuck, and that's the whole fucking story in one minute. So
64:27I'm I'm gonna be done here. Until you are willing to tell yourself the truth that I'm not in control and I need to open up and be fucking scared as shit and be vulnerable as hell, there'll be no progress in your personal life and very little in your business life. I'm there.
64:42And when you get to a $100,000,000, assuming you got there, you will still have the same fucking problems. But you won't get the 100,000,000 trying to control everything.
64:51So what will you do now on the business side? Tell me three things and we're done. What are you gonna do so this conversation led to something productive, Victor?
64:57Yes. I am going to tighten up my plan and my ask.
65:01Okay. I'm gonna meet with a lot of investors. Yes.
65:05I'm gonna sing my story. What's the multiple you're looking for? At least 10 oh.
65:12For the investors. What you're selling them some part of your business for a multiple, I assume. Is that right?
65:16Yes. What's the multiple? Probably 10 times.
65:21Okay. Is that aggressive for the size of business you're in? What's the tempo of growth you have?
65:25How much have you grown in the last ten years per year annualized? The last two and a half years I've been three, almost three years, been exactly the same, but it's because I can't open up additional markets. You will never get a 10 times multiple unless somebody's stupid.
65:39Because what is a multiple based on, ladies and gentlemen? Those who know that, if you're gonna sell a business, sell a multiple of your earnings or your gross. Depends on the industry.
65:46It's the industry. If it's a highly scalable business, if it's software, you might be able to get a multiple of your gross. I remember when Mark Benioff,
65:52know, you his business was doing a 100,000,000, mine was doing 200, and he was getting valuations like beyond anything I ever dreamed of. Because mine was based on earnings, it was based on revenues. Vision if you follow.
66:01And what determines is the pace of growth in the industry. So scalable business like that, you might be able to do it on revenues. Most business on earnings.
66:08But a small business with $3,000,000 of gross that's been at the same numbers for multiple years, they don't give a fuck what your story is.
66:14You aren't gonna get it. It it's it is the industry. I promise.
66:19It's about sustainability and managing a I understand, but you're not getting it for a reason. That's why I was just biding the time by myself.
66:27It's a timing issue in my industry.
66:34Okay. But you're not meeting the needs of investors. If you're meeting the needs of investors, you'd have their money.
66:39Raise your hand if you follow this. You are not meeting their needs. You're trying to meet your needs, not theirs.
66:44What if you could get someone who would give you six and a half times multiple, but you believe they really were intelligent and brought things to the business you didn't see and could help you grow it? Abs I would go two times multiple for a strategic partner. Great.
66:56Then that's what you should do. Stop this 10 times discussion. It doesn't make any fucking sense for where you are.
67:00Or you're gonna have to wait years until you can show an actual growth pattern that's dynamic. And that means you're gonna be alone for more years. Is that what you want?
67:08No. I wanna sell one brand this year. A better multiple for the investors that fulfills their needs, and make sure it's an investor that can give you more value so that you grow the business to a higher multiple at some point where you could sell part of it then and having a bigger return.
67:21CTAYou're wanting everything now without doing the work. You've done the work to set it up, and not the work that meets their needs. Same thing is true with the men you're meeting.
67:30CTAYou're focused on your needs. You didn't tell me anything about their needs. When I asked you the questions, you never said it.
67:36CTAYou told me about what they weren't doing for you. They don't understand me. They don't understand what I mean.
67:41CTAHow would they? There's not enough time. You didn't say anything about what their needs were and whether you could meet them or not.
67:46CTAYour mistake, and I'm done, is you're focused on you. And you're not a selfish person. I know you're a good human being, but you are operating from a place that is so selfish because you're using significance and certainty, and those things make you selfish when they're the top.
67:59CTAThat is your only reason for failing, and you are failing right now. Failing to meet your desires, your deepest desires, which is love and growth.
68:10CTAAnd you're not gonna have either one of those if you hang on to this. I'm done with the conversation.
— full transcript
§ 05 · For Joe
Your business plateau lives in your psychology, not your market.
WHAT TO LEARN
The ceiling most founders hit isn't capital, customers, or competition — it's the psychology that turns those into excuses for not taking the next real risk.
- Business problems that persist past competence are almost always psychology problems — specifically, some version of fear disguised as a practical constraint.
- If you can't walk away for a month without the business suffering, you don't have a business — you have an operator's job with a founder's title.
- The four-stage transformation chemistry — satiation, dissatisfaction, emotional threshold, insight — explains why people who 'know what they need to do' still don't do it: the insight arrives, the window opens, and fear of losing control makes them wait until it closes.
- Certainty and significance, when they sit at the top of your hierarchy of needs, actively block the growth and connection you say you want. The sequence matters more than the needs.
- Trust in any partnership — investor, employee, or intimate — is a structural question, not a character question. When interests are aligned, trust follows. Start there.
- Control is an illusion; influence is real. Founders who trade control for influence unlock scale. Those who don't stay operators forever, regardless of revenue.
- The same psychology running your business plateau is usually running your personal life plateau — and fixing one without seeing the other is why most 'business breakthroughs' don't last.
- Business forces measurable honesty that most other growth contexts don't. You can't fake a P&L the way you can fake spiritual progress. That's the gift of being in it.
- An investor's 'no' almost always means your offer doesn't meet their needs — not that your business lacks value. The fix is to understand their needs first, then structure accordingly.
- Going on dates four times a week but judging every candidate before genuine vulnerability is possible isn't effort — it's managed distance. The same pattern shows up in hiring, partnerships, and investor meetings.
